Little Victories
WHAT I ATE TODAY
Meal 1
1 bowl of cheerios with skim milk
Calories: 300
Fat: 2 grams
Meal 2
1 fat free yogurt
Calories: 100
Fat: 0 grams
Meal 3
2 slices of wheat bread
2 slices of turkey
10 slices of lowfat salami (they are small slices)
Calories: 310
Fat: 8 grams
Meal 4
2 Weight watchers frozen dinners
Calories: 580
Fat: 14 grams
Meal 5
10 slices of lowfat salami
1 slice of fat free cheese
10 fat free croutons
Calories: 220
Fat: 3 grams
Total Calories: 1,510
Total Fat: 27 grams
Exercise: 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. Lots of sweating.
THE REAL REASON I BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY
Motivation, as I said yesterday, is hard to find midway through the diet. So you take it where you can get it. More on that at the end.
First, I should admit that on Monday, I weighed in at 270.4 pounds, which means that I will soon be celebrating my third 100-pounds lost day pretty soon. Kind of depressing, eh?
But that's where you find your motivation in the rough times. You look at what you've done wrong, and you take charge to try and fix them. So I turned in a solid day on Tuesday, making sure I went to the gym (after some deliberation) and ensuring that my caloric intake was well within the desired range. I tapped back into what I was doing during the Assault on 270. During that glorious week, I always ate 1,500 calories or less. I went to the gym with regularity, and I didn't eat after 9 p.m.
I've got to turn in the same type of effort from here on out. I've got to stop banging my head into brick walls, just idling by and hanging out at 270. Again, it's time to take charge of this thing, which is easier said than done.
For the sake of my pride and the goal of not dragging this into next winter, I've got to start understanding the sacrifices I must make.
I received a few invitations to go drinking for St. Patrick's Day, but turned them down. Instead, I stayed in, watched a movie and saved money. Now, do I wish I was really, really drunk right now instead of writing about wishing I was really, really drunk? Yes I do. But it's Monday night right now, and I've exhausted my off days for the next couple of weeks.
The sad truth is, I need to become a recluse for a while. I need to stay in and focus on what's going on with my life. See, when this began in late December, I actually was a recluse. My plan was to cocoon myself, save money, and lose weight and then emerge anew in early summer.
But somewhere along the line I decided I could go out and have a social life and I would be ok. But I see now that it's really not true. I need to go back into my hole with no aspirations other than accomplishing the short-term goals I have set for myself.
That's why losing weight is so hard. You have to put yourself in situations where you will thrive. If you are going out to dinner three nights per week, if you are drinking every weekend, if you are dating and meeting new people, well, it's nearly impossible to stick to your guns. Sure, with a few healthy days during the week and a regular regimen of exercise, you can maintain your weight. But it is nearly impossible to actually lose weight.
So my options are pretty simple, as I really only have one. I am not social until these last 30 pounds come off. Does that mean I won't ever see anyone? No. It just means that I won't put myself in situations in which I can't succeed. If I want to go out drinking, it's got to be my only off day for a long time. If I want to go see a friend, then I'd better be sure that friend isn't going to insist that we go to an Italian restaurant for followed by a couple of beers at the corner bar.
Once these 30 pounds are off and I have a little bit of money saved up, I'll have no problem with increasing social affairs. Hell, bring 'em on. I'll want to show off my new look.
But for now, I have to view at myself as a art exhibit under construction. You don't go showing the public when only half the paintings are in place.
It's really about the commitment here, and realizing what I have to give up in order to achieve my goal. That's a lesson I've learned through weight loss, but hopefully I can use it in other aspects of my life.
As for grasping motivation, I did find a little victory on Monday. I was looking around for a shirt to work out in, and came across the oldest T-shirt in my collection. It's a worn, powder-blue undershirt that has a baseball on the left chest. One stitching of the ball reads "St. Thomas Aquinas" the other "Detroit, Michigan." I got it when I used to umpire tee-ball games as a freshman in High School.
I didn't have any other clean shirts, so I tried it on and it fit perfectly, though it was a bit short. I wore it to the gym anyway, as a dual reminder of where I am from, and where I will soon be.
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