The high highs and the low lows
After last night's work rant, and what I consider to be one of the better posts of the Fortress, I was ready for anything to happen today.
Wednesday, I felt an anger and frustration that I hadn't had in a long time, all because of one particular situation. You know it was something special, because that anger followed me into Thursday morning. When your day is fueled by last night's emotions, you never really know what to expect.
So, as I said, I was ready for anything, and that led to one of the strangest days I've had on the Fortress.
I entertained both extreme ends of the weight-loss spectrum all in one day. There were very high highs, and very low lows. I think you should figure out what I mean as you read this semi-brief diary of what transpired.
11:30 a.m.: I'm up! Almost wide awake, and boiling water for my early-morning tea (or noon tea as it might technically be called)
Noon: Mmmmm, tea and tuna for breakfast. I really need to go grocery shopping.
12:30 p.m.:I am feeling depressed. I decide to go to the gym to battle this depression.
12:45 p.m.: I get an IM from a friend. I decide not to go to the gym. Perhaps later (perhaps not).
1:15 p.m.: I'm just out of the shower, squeaky clean, and water logged. I've already eaten breakfast and drank at least 16 ounces of the finest green tea I can find at Safeway. I unthinkingly decide to step on the scale for my midweek, unofficial weigh in. I expect 283 with all the variables floating around in my system, I weigh in at 275.4, a number that I simply cannot believe.
It seems that I somehow have lost two pounds since Sunday despite the following actions: A) Off days on Sunday and Monday. B) Eating plans on Tuesday and Wednesday that I wasn't totally thrilled by, though the caloric intake was well below 2,000 each day. Basically on those two days, I ate two tuna sandwiches and two Weight Watchers meals, and that's really it. By my estimation, it came to about 1,500 calories per day. C) Only one abbreviated workout this week, coming on Tuesday when I ellipticised for only 20 minutes because I was running late for work.
So even with all those not-very-conducive-to-weight-loss happenings, I was unexpectedly back around 275 which, as you may have heard, is what I weighed at the lowest point of the 100 Days, and my weight when I moved to California a year and a half ago. Was I happy about this? Yes I was. Unexpected weight loss is always exciting.
But then I went to work
1:30 p.m.: I arrive at work to find our conference table littered with cupcakes, chocolate, bread, deviled eggs and bagels. Ahh, it's that one pregnant girl's maternity leave party! Fuck these people! I am a little sick of all this unwanted temptation. I devise a plan to eat healthy, despite the fact that all this stuff is sitting approximately 10 feet from my desk and in my direct line of vision.
1:35 p.m.: The binge is on. I have no willpower.
4 p.m.: I'm dizzy, still a little depressed, and more than a little full.
4:15 p.m.:If you poke me with a pin, chocolate might come out, although I am pretty sure it would be held in by the bagels and cream cheese. I decide to go home and take a nap during my lunch.
11:30 p.m.: Well, this day is fucked. Why not go to Jack in the Box, my favorite fast food restaurant in Vallejo?
12:15 p.m.:It seems Jack in the Box makes me want to throw up.
12:20 p.m.: Yep, I threw up.
2:06 a.m.: Here I am, writing about throwing up.
So how the hell do you categorize this day? Obviously, I fell prey to the work-party, which always seems to get me. But I also met a pretty big goal. Good day? Bad day?
In case you are wondering, I have already gone into disaster control mode to soften the effects of the fuck up. My official weight is now 275.4, and I will not be taking Sunday off, as I was thinking of doing. I will, however, have my next official weigh-in next Thursday, at which point I will hope to be around 273. I think that's the best plan.
Also, big trips to the gym are in the works for Friday and Saturday, not to mention Monday and either Tuesday or Wednesday. I must, must, MUST get to the gym more often. Remember, every time I set foot in that place, I am one small step closer to reaching my goal, which now seems very much in sight (only 35.4 pounds to go!).
So that's really about it. I don't feel all that bad about the fuck up today, which has me a bit worried. Perhaps the rapid weight loss of late has me thinking this is on cruise control. That's a dangerous attitude to take. Desperation makes me work best. But, again, there are always obstacles to fight through, and the "cruise control" attitude is one I've seen coming since Day 1. I am pretty sure I can handle it.
I am happy to say that as of this writing, my work depression has left. So be thankful you won't be getting any complaints about my day-to-day life anytime in the near future.
That's it for this week. Back on Monday to tell you how the weekend went.
Best I can tell you rarely exercise, plan on days of eating bad, and eat bad on unplanned days. This really isn't a diet as much as it seems to be you eating a little healthier a few days a week. Of course you are going to lose a few pounds by cutting some calories due to the fact that you burn so many calories by simply being such a large man.
Also, how can you say you are going to only weigh in once a week because multiple weigh ins mess with your head? Then you weigh in just as much but call them "unoffical weigh ins". How is that any different?
You seem to be determined to lose weight, but have absolutely no will power.