OLD 210 West Magazine

Dan Nied's Fortress of Weight Loss: Day 3

Dealing with the first setback

I sit here now at 1:14 a.m., Pacific Time, wondering if I am wasting everyone’s time by doing this.

Two days, four pounds. Then, on the night of the third day, it all just goes to shit.

I sit here and wonder if I truly can be an inspiration to anyone, no matter what I’ve done or how I’ve done it. I am what I am right now, and there is nothing inspirational about that.

As you might guess, there was a fairly major fuck up on the diet Friday night. It’s something to be concerned about, but as of the time of this writing, I am still trying to figure out what it all means.

Maybe by the end of this writing, I’ll have it figured out. Maybe I’ll just give up altogether a wait for my body to expand itself back to 370 pounds. Maybe I’ll have it all solved if I just write my way to the end of this entry.

Am I being overly dramatic? In one sense, yes. But in another, I need to take an early screw up this hard, because in order for this diet to work it has to be the most important thing in my life. There can’t be anything above it. Everything must be done with calories and fat and portion size taunting me in the back of my mind. It’s the only way I know how to do it.

So no, I am not being overly dramatic in that sense. In fact, I am trying simply to prioritize. Actually, I am trying to figure out where this diet truly exists in my priorities. I can shuffle it to the top, past the trying to get a girlfriend and getting a better job, and try to make the thing I want most. But I have to know that it really is the most important thing to me. That’s how it works. And a severe fuck up on the third day raises some serious concerns.

So you want to know what happened? It’s nothing too crazy, really. But I was doing fine on Friday, enjoying a day off from work, from working out, and just relaxing and watching a few bowl games. I decided to go grocery shopping, and spent a health $100 with no notable happenings.

I got home and had a Subway Club for dinner, but decided I wanted more. I opened a bag of pretzels and ate about three servings. I still wanted more. I had a heaping bowl of cereal with too much skim milk. I realized the beginnings of a binge, and tried to turn into the skid by sticking with my guideline of binging on healthy things.

I was full after the cereal. There is no doubt about that. My stomach didn’t need more food; my mind didn’t want more food. But my mouth wanted to taste something more, was sick of lean meats and fat free cereals, wanted no part of vegetables and fruit and whole wheat bread. It wanted something sweet, something greasy, something that will stick around a little longer and make the night a little warmer.

So I paced the house, wondering what I should do, mind games speaking in the voice of hunger. I thought about my Day 2 post and how I stood tall in front of readers and haughtily talked down to everyone about how it’s all about choices, about the option to do or not do. But my urges were growing and I was a total and complete fraud. I couldn’t control it. That’s the worst part. I felt like I had no power over these urges. There was nothing I could do to reverse them. My mind lost the total control it enjoyed for two days. On the third, it just spiraled out of control.

It was 11 p.m. and I was struggling with the choice between Burger King, Taco Bell, leftover spaghetti from the roommate or nothing. Nothing was the dark horse. It never had a chance. The other three were roided up and neck and neck at the finish line.

As the race continued it became obvious that I was going to have compromise with myself. I checked the fridge and saw a grocery bag full of hostess products my other roommate brought home tonight. I had refused them earlier. Now they were calling for me. I grabbed a fruit pie and a package of yellow cupcakes, looked at them hard and put them back in the bag. The compromise would be Burger King, which sports a decent garden burger that’s not bad for you if you don’t get mayo.

In my car at 11:15, down at the Burger King a few minutes later, I forget to order no mayo. It never actually crossed my mind to order no mayo. In fact, I forgot there was even mayo on that sandwich. Came home, turned out the lights, started up a movie, unwrapped the burger and tasted that mayo before anything else. The compromise had gone to shit, but the mayo tasted great.

So I finished the burgers, and still wanted more. It was an insatiable feeling I haven’t had since my peak weight of 370. There was no rationalization, but there was no talking myself out of it either. I just felt like I didn’t have control.

A bowl of spaghetti, and then the fruit pie and cupcakes from the Hostess bag. All of that in my stomach, I wondered if I should throw up. Revert back to that bulimic state I dealt with not that long ago and became a bit of a problem at the tail end of the 100 Days blog.

But I knew that wouldn’t happen. I’m past that. No need for it anymore. Instead I am left to wonder what this all means.

I could call it a momentary lapse in judgment, just something I have to work on curbing in the future. But that might be too easy a solution. What if this was something inside me that will never really be conquered. I’ll never stop wanting to binge. And honestly, I don’t know if I will ever stop binging.

Honestly, there is only thing about this that truly scares me: The fact that I couldn’t make it past Day 3. I had bad days during the 100 Days. In fact, I averaged about one every week. But after every single one of them, I knew I would be right back on the diet the next day. I was 100 percent sure each time. There was no doubt about it.

But three days in? There is no backbone there. I haven’t even settled into this yet. At this point, I need to know that I have the willpower. If this had happened on Day 15 after 14 near perfect days, then I’d be fine with it. But as it is, I had Sunday scheduled as an off day, because of the press box rule (I came up with that in college. I am a sports writer, so the rule says that I can eat anything served in a press box free of charge. Sunday I am covering the Raiders vs. Chargers, which means free brunch. I accept it because I am poor and the food is excellent.). So I already had a scheduled off day in 48 hours. And I couldn’t wait that long. I lost four pounds in the first 48 hours of this diet, so why didn’t I care enough to see what 72 hours would have done for me?

But you know, maybe I have this figured out now.

I don’t think this is some sort of doomsday sign. I don’t think this one fuck up means I should stop this whole thing. But what it means is that this really is a bigger struggle than I expected. It’s not a switch I can just turn on and off, like I thought I could.

I guess there will be some effort required to make this happen, and I have to figure out whether I am really willing to give all of that effort.

But you know I am. Well, maybe you don’t. But I know that I am, at least I am pretty sure I am. So maybe I am not 100 percent sure at all. But if I weren’t, would I be sitting here at 1:45 a.m. on a Saturday pouring my heart out in a series of run-on sentences, choppy sentences and disjointed metaphors trying to convince people I don’t even know how dedicated I am?

I don’t think I would be.

To rectify Friday’s binge, I have decided to go to the gym before work on Saturday. I’ll spend at least 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, and maybe lift for the first time in a while. It won’t totally reverse the problem, but it should help get my mind back on track.

As for Sunday, the original planned day off, I haven’t quite decided what to do. I’ve covered every Raiders home game this season, and this is the final one. So the press box rule will be dormant for the near future. And while it might be easier to just give myself another bad day, I might prove a lot to myself by staying sensible in that situation. I guess it is something to think about.

There is a lot to think about, really. I am somewhat ashamed of the way this night went. I also feel a tiny bit of relief because the challenges are presenting themselves early. I now have a better understanding of what I have to do in order to be successful.

And that’s the best I can take from this.

Dan Nied's Fortress of Weight Loss: Day 2

Though temptation swirls, the first pound come off

By Dan Nied [send email]

What I ate today
Breakfast
2 slices wheat bread
4 slices lean turkey
2 servings fat free mayo
Yellow Mustard
Calories: 270
Fat: 4 grams

Lunch
1 can Campbell’s spaghetti
Calories: 400
Fat: 4 grams

Dinner
12 inches of delicious Subway Club, yellow mustard, tons of vegetables.
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams

Snack
A crapload of grapes
Calories: 100 (100 calories is the default amount I will use when I don’t know the caloric intake of something like fruit, vegetables or fried dough, except that fried dough is probably more than 100 calories, which means I may want to rethink that.)
Fat: 0 grams

Snack
2 slices wheat bread
3 slices lean turkey
2 servings fat free mayo
Yellow Mustard
Calories: 245
Fat: 3.5 grams

Total Calories: 1,655
Total fat: 23.5

Exercise: A heart-healthy 30 minutes on the old elliptical machine, burned 500 calories. Flirted with working out, but decided against it, partly because I am lazy and partly because…well mostly because I am lazy.

As we roll into Day 2 on the Fortress of Weight Loss, there is already a big announcement I need to get out of the way. Instead of posting to Blogcritics once a week, as stated in the preamble, I’ve decided to go ahead and post to BC every day. I figured I would present this project in full for as many people as possible, and BC is definitely the best way to do that.

Since that’s out of the way, there is even bigger news to report.

I should preface this by pointing out that the actual first day of the Fortress was on Wednesday, not Thursday as the preamble might have led you to believe. So Thursday morning, I woke up and weighed in on my fancy newish digital scale. It turns out I lost 1.2 pounds in the first 24 hours. Officially, I am down to 297.8 pounds. As you can see, I am conquering this quest right from the start. And let me tell you, I feel pretty damn good about how Day 2 turned out: Less than 1,700 calories, less than 30 grams of fat. For the first time in at least two months, I am actually looking forward to stepping on the scale Friday morning. (Continued below)

That's me gettin' down on the houseboat three or four years ago. A not-so-svelt 320, I'd say. Funny, my gyrations did not attract any female suitors that week.

And here I am in April 2006 at 280 pounds, 15 less than I am now. If not for the hair, I am certain this look would have attracted a few female suitors.

So things, to this point, are good. But that’s not to say there haven’t been temptations.

One of the reasons I began the new diet on the day after Christmas _ instead of Jan. 1 or some other special day _ was because the temptation levels are supposed to be low right now. Originally, I wanted to begin on Christmas Eve, but realized no normal person can make it through Christmas without eating like crap. The day after, though, is a different story. Most people are still filled with ham and cookies, and really don’t want to eat fatty foods.

But what happened on the first day? Glad you asked.

I was standing by the counter, trying to choose between a salmon fillet and a skinless chicken breast when my roommate came home carrying bags of groceries.

“You hungry?” he said.

“Nope. My body is a temple,” I happily replied.

“Too bad.”

“Well, what did you bring?”

“Fried Chicken.”

Of all the goddamn days he could have picked to bring me fried chicken. For the last two months, I have been eating myself drunk on deep fried animals and vegetables. But the first day I really try to eat well, he heads out to the Colonel and offers me half.

Bastard.

I was tempted, no doubt. But I looked at his bucket of chicken, and looked back at my healthy options. I plugged in the Foreman, and grilled up the salmon fillet.

And the next day, I had lost a pound.

I didn’t have to work Thursday, but I stopped by work to get a phone number. It tuns out someone had bought pizza for the entire office. Let’s just say I walked right by it, did my business, and got out. Now, if I had been working a normal 10-hour shift, it might have been a little harder to ignore. But really, it has all come back to me now.

When I started losing weight two years ago, I realized that the key to resisting those out-of-nowhere temptations is simple. It’s about simply choosing to do it or not do it. If someone offers you fried chicken or free pizza, you have two options: Go nuts, or say no.

And so many times you say no at first. But then you keep thinking about what you are missing. You know it is right there in front of you, ripe for the taking, waiting to give you pleasure. That pizza costs nothing in terms of money, and it is so easy to rationalize why you should accept it. So you take it, feel good for five minutes, then feel bad for 12 hours.

All because you talked yourself into it.

For me, the chicken was tough, because the blog wasn’t going to begin until Thursday. Theoretically, I could have pushed the healthy eating back a day. Instead, I took the first of many stands. I said no, and didn’t look back. It was the same with the pizza. I didn’t spend the entire day thinking about what I was missing. I just realized that I’ve had thousands of pizza slices in my life, and there is plenty of time for me to have thousands more.

It was more important for me to say no, move on and let it slip from my mind.

It’s about controlling the urges, instead of letting them control you.

P.S.: Because Blogcritics requires that I post these articles there first, I have to wait until the next morning to post them onto 210west, and since I live in the pacific time zone, and generally wake up around 11 a.m., I fear these won't get posted until the afternoon in the eastern time zone. But there is an advantage there, since I weigh in in the mornings and I have more up to date information when I post to this site. So I wanted to share this little tale of water weight: Got up at 10:30 this morning, took a pee, stripped down naked and weighed myself: 295 on the dot. So that means I've lost four pounds in 48 hours. I know most of it is body shock and water weight, but it still helps the cause a ton.

Dan Nied's Fortress of Weight Loss: The Preamble

Two years later, Dan Nied has some unfinished business to take care of. A new 210west series begins

By Dan Nied [send email]

So there I was two years ago, looking like Louie Anderson after a year-long Crisco kick. Belly bursting the buttons on my shirts, face enveloped in three layers of fatty casing. There was too much to look at, which meant there wasn’t much to look at at all.

So one night in mid December 2005, as I lay in bed listening to the sound of nothing in a dead town in the Colorado plains, I decided to change. Just like that. No big events leading up to it. No trauma, no guiding light. I was just a 26-year old man nearing 400 pounds, thinking about how I had sabotaged my life through a series of mid-afternoon pizzas followed by late-afternoon pizzas.

I lived out the remaining weeks of 2005 as a fatty boombalatti, made a trip back home to Detroit, saw family and friends, felt disgusted by how I knew they saw me. I returned to Colorado on Jan. 2. The night of Jan. 3 I had a goodbye pizza. At 5 a.m. on Jan. 4, I awoke and finished off the last piece of pizza, and then at 10 a.m. I awoke again a new man.

One hundred days, 70 pounds. That was the first accomplishment. Five months, 95 pounds. That was the second. I stalled there, as my life changed with a new job in a new city and state. But in less than half a year, I went from 370 pounds to 275. Not skinny, but very close to my first goal of losing 100 pounds. If you are a longtime 210west or Blog Critics reader, you may remember that ride I shared with you in daily entries and photographic progression. If not, then let me introduce myself. I’m Dan, your not-as-fat-as-he-used-to-be blog friend.

So that’s where it started. But there’s a little more to the story now.

I left the blog behind in July 2006 after accepting a job in the San Francisco Bay Area. That’s in California, if you aren’t up on your U.S. Geography. I set out on what I called “my own personal manifest destiny” with a new look, and a different lease on life. My biggest enemies were recurring stomach pains resulting from fatty foods and the fear that super fat Dan would re-emerge over time. But as it was, a good looking 275 pound man was better than the greased up, morbidly obese fatty I had been seven months prior.

I came to California, and lived a nice year. I am still here, living in the town of Vallejo, about 25 miles north of Oakland, and about 30 miles from San Francisco. Life has been worse. It could be better.

Two years after the most involved life-overhaul I have ever been a part of, I am proud to say that most of the weight has stayed off. Basically, I look the same as I did when I left Colorado.

But there is one catch.

When I began my weight loss program, the ultimate goal I had in mind was 240 pounds. That’s where I wanted to end up when this was all said and done. That number, 240, was the most attractive girl in the room. And the whole point of the weight loss was to ultimately work up the courage to talk to her, charm her, ask her on a date and marry her when we were both good and ready to settle down. I wanted to spend my life with 240.

I still do.

And that’s why I am coming to you today, launching Dan Nied’s Fortess of Weight Loss, the sequel to the critically acclaimed and highly successful first blog, which was entitled “Dan Nied’s 100 Days” or, as I like to call it, “Dan Nied Doesn’t Want to be a Fatass Anymore.”

The goal here: to lose those last pounds no matter how long it takes.

While “100 Days” was a quest to prevent morbid-obesity, diabetes, heart disease and never getting laid again, this series is more of a quest to find the perfect balance in my physical life. It’s about not resting on the 95 pounds I lost the first time. It’s about not being satisfied with simply being less fat. The first one gave me temporary happiness, and it certainly advanced me through a very tough time in my life. But this one is about finding permanent happiness, something that I can live with for the rest of my life.

Maybe there was a certain grizzly appeal to the last one. It was, after all, an endearing story of a man trying to pull himself up from rock bottom. Maybe that’s what readers wanted.

If so, then I have bad news. I’m not at rock bottom anymore. But I certainly am not at the top. And where the “100 Days” project was backboned by the idea that things couldn’t possibly get any worse, this one is more progressive. For the most part, things are good. But I want them to be better.

I won’t go into specifics here, because that’s not the important part. Besides, there is plenty of time for me to unveil my new life, for both better and worse. But I do have a job that I don’t absolutely hate. I do have a few friends that don’t absolutely hate me. I am still single, which is both good and bad. And I don’t see snow unless I visit my parents back home. So not that bad, eh?

But you should know the basic information of this series. First, my weight this morning was 299 pounds, a number that is ballooned up from two months of eating nothing but crap. Second, I will go back to my old eating ways, which means taking in between 1,200 and 2,500 calories per day. It’s a wide spectrum because this isn’t totally a science. I won’t eat the same things every day, but I will probably eat some things that you don’t think I should be eating (You’d be surprised how far you can get with a can of spaghetti) and many of you will not think I am losing weight in the proper fashion.

I will be working out at least three times per week, which will be a big part of this endeavor. I will be posting pictures as I see fit, and I expect to hit 240 pounds before June.

As for the blog itself, it will take on its own life as we go along. However, the plan for now is to post on this site every weekday, and on Blogritics.com at least once a week. This might also, somehow, find its way to my Myspace page if I, in fact, decide I don’t mind being one of those people.

Starting Friday, I’ll be keeping food journals, counting calories and detailing workouts, just like I did the first time around. And I certainly encourage feedback, questions, comments, suggestions and scoldings. You can leave a comment here or on Blog Critics, or send an email to nieddan@gmail.com. Every comment will be answered in some way or another. But be warned that unless you tell me otherwise, your emails and comments may be used in future posts.

And that about covers it: Dan Nied’s Fortress of Weight Loss, a metaphor I will fully explain in coming days.

Hopefully you will give me what I need, which is someone rooting for me and becoming interested in this whole process. Hopefully I can give you what you need, be it morning entertainment, inspiration, something to mock, or just something to kill time.

See, this is a team effort. I’m ready to begin.

No pity party for Niners

The 49ers beat Tampa, and an old hero rides on the shoulders of giants

Note: This column was orignially published in the Vallejo Times-Herald on Dec. 24, 2007.

By Dan Nied [send email]

SAN FRANCISCO -- No pity party today.

No wondering how a team can miss so many opportunities. No calling for the head a coach who consistently botches in-game decisions. No picking apart a muddled quarterback situation or a porous offensive line. No reflecting on another loss.

Merry Christmas.

The 49ers win. That’s twice in a row. Tell your friends, take a picture, remember the date -- Dec. 23, 2007 -- because, compared to the rest of 2007, this was something special.

So we won’t get into how Tampa Bay outgained the 49ers 434-213, despite pulling many of their starters before halftime. Or how Mike Nolan declined a penalty he clearly should have taken. Or how the best the team can finish the year is 6-10, and only if they beat Cleveland on the road next week.

Nope, none of that. The glass is half full this Christmas Eve. The 49ers just put a surprising crescendo on an otherwise crummy season. They capitalized on turnovers. They found a quarterback who could throw three touchdown passes in the same game. They relied on their star running back, who surpassed 1,000 yards rushing for the second straight season.

And they stiffened up at the end, keeping the Buccaneers from a 2-point conversion on their final touchdown, preserving a 21-19 win that was much-needed for the psyche of the fans and organization.

So kudos 49ers. It’s taken a while, but you finally put it together.

Despite the gaudy yards-allowed number, the defense was at its best on Sunday. The Bucs drove into the red zone twice in the first quarter, but the 49ers allowed only field goals each time. So when quarterback Shaun Hill found Darrell Jackson in the end zone to start the second quarter, the 49ers had a 7-6 lead and momentum on their side.

They fell behind again 13-7 going into half, but the big plays kept coming from a defense that, admittedly, has been good for most of the year. On Tampa’s first drive of the second half, All-Everything rookie linebacker Patrick Willis forced a Luke McCown fumble which Mark Roman recovered at the Bucs 14-yard line.

A few plays later, Hill found Vernon Davis for a score. The second-year tight end raced through the end zone, hurdled a short wall into the stands, where he was surrounded by a throng of fans hooting and hollering and hugging Davis from all angles. The enthusiasm looked like that of a 10-4 team, instead of a 4-10 team.

The all-out celebrations didn’t stop there. In the fourth quarter, cornerback Nate Clements joined the drum line. Clements had just intercepted a McCown pass and returned it 62-yard to Tampa’s 23. After being pushed out of bounds, he sprinted to the end zone, and grabbed the bass drum sticks from the 49ers in-house band. He pounded the skins euphorically, and it seemed like, for a second, the weight of this dismal year was lifted.

On the next play, Hill found Frank Gore open in the flat, and Gore raced in for what turned out to be the touchdown that put the game away.

For as much heat as the 49ers have taken this year -- for spats between Nolan and quarterback Alex Smith, the dismal run blocking of the offensive line, and for simply underachieving -- they needed Sunday. Everyone did. The atmosphere was a reminder of what professional football could be in San Francisco. The fans were loud until the very end, and the players made timely plays when it counted most.

And there was a very fitting ending.

Defensive end Bryant Young played probably his final game in San Francisco. So as he rushed McCown on Tampa’s final drive, and forced a few hurries, the crowd was waiting for Young to put an exclamation point on a 14-year career that began with a Super Bowl title with the 49ers back in 1994. He didn’t get that final sack, but as the clock ran down, fans chanted “B.Y.” in an emotional cadence.

When the clock expired -- along with Young’s career at Candlestick Park -- B.Y.’s teammates lifted him on their shoulders and carried him to midfield. He was a 6-foot-3, 305 pound lineman getting a ride fit for a king. As he made his way back to the lockerroom, a large group of fans demanded more from the only link left from the 49ers glory days.

He took a quarter lap around the stadium, slapping hands and giving thanks. As he got to the dugout that leads to the lockerroom, the throng was about 20 rows deep and the chants were deafening in a stadium that was 70 percent empty by that point. “B.Y., B.Y.” they went. And B.Y. slapped a few more hands, let the tears flow from his eyes, and disappeared into the noise, leaving the fans behind him chanting.

It was the kind of scene that ends the sappiest sports movies. But it was the perfect ending to the 49ers best day of the season.

So no pity party today. We’ll just let this one ride.