By ERIK CASSANO
210West staff writer
On August 31, the Cleveland Indians pulverized the New York Yankees 22-0 at Yankee Stadium. This was a victory for the ages in Cleveland. Sure, it only put the Indians one game over .500, and they gave it right back in the final two games of the series. But this was the worst defeat in Yankee history. Somehow, pasting the Royals by an identical margin wouldn't have the same luster in Tribe country.
Beating the Yankees 22-0 is great because of...
1. Reigning American League Gold Glove Award shortstop Alex Rodriguez having to move to third base because this is "Derek Jeter's team."
2. Jason Giambi having an intestinal parasite/worms/tumors/icky crud, and I don't want to know why.
3. Twenty-six world championships. Yeah, it's pure jealousy.
4. Roger Clemens and his 300-win arm patch last year.
5. The fact that the Yankees can go out, get Kevin Brown, Javier Vazquez and bring back El Duque, and still have the media wondering why they don't have enough pitching.
6. George Steinbrenner, who demands the office window curtains be closed during the game so nobody steals his "secrets."
7. Don Zimmer, Joe Torre's pet gerbil who was spent his summers sitting on his butt in the Yankee dugout, was rewarded with four championship rings for his trouble, then left the organization claiming he was mistreated.
8. Paul O'Neill throwing fits after striking out, then being heralded as the epitome of class.
9. Yankee fans who were neither born nor raised nor may ever have visited New York, yet when the Yankees beat your team, they show up at work the next day with their chests puffed out (most of these people are also Cowboy fans, I've noticed. I think these people had their souls damaged from lack of oxygen at birth.)
10. Clemens just about making love to the Babe Ruth plaque in monument park before each start as a tribute to the game, then exemplified much of what is wrong with the game by throwing a melon-ball at some batter once he took the mound.
11. David Wells. Slimming down to 44-waist pants does not necessarily make you "in shape."
12. The smelly Sasquatch in the $69 field box seats who is spewing sexually-charged insults to the right fielder well within earshot of the Yonkers city tee ball champions.
13. The beer guy who is enabling Sasquatch to get even drunker and louder and more graphic with his insults, to the point that by the sixth inning, Tee Ball Dad is figuring that book on how babies are made might be a good investment.
14. Giambi, who, when he played for Oakland, looked like an uncaged animal. Then he went to New York and got all metrosexual, cut his hair and started peddling deodorant. Wonder if his moisturizing techniques contributed to his health problems?
15. Hideki Irabu, the fat slob with the 85-mph fastball who wanted to play only for the Yankees. He might be emptying garbage at Yankee Stadium as I write.
16. Scott Brosius, who had one of the worst batting averages (.203) among everyday players as a member of Oakland in 1997. That winter, he got traded to the Yankees, hit .300, and won the World Series MVP in 1998. Who is making down payments on his soul?
17. YankeeNets and the YES Network.
18. People who think the Yankees in the World Series every year is good for baseball.
19. Radio play-by-play man John Sterling's ear-grating "THEEEEEEEEE Yankees win!" call.
20. They play the Liza Minnelli version of "New York, New York" at the Stadium after a Yankee defeat, and you know everybody wanted to hear Frank belt it.
21. Nothing is better than helping the Yankees run out of gas and lose the division to the Red Sox.
22. Yankee fans, even after a World Series loss, know it probably wont be too long before they get another shot. They can pretty much "bank" on it.