OLD 210 West Magazine

Not quite a wild world

Zach Baker realizes that life on your own after college isn't quite the orgy of fun he thought it would be.

By Zack Baker
210 west Writer [send email]

Living on your own can produce some interesting decisions. Three months into my new job I am living by myself and, in many ways, my life does not even closely resemble the one I enjoyed five months ago.

I have discovered many new things though, basically in an attempt to keep things interesting. In an attempt to find normalcy, I have also had to make a few changes in my day to day life.

Eating: In college, I relied on school food and fast food to survive. Somewhat surprisingly, I am still alive. Now, I have no meal plan and I don’t cook. So basically, Totino’s frozen Pizza stock has doubled because of me. I live by a simple Creed: If it’s cheap and if it’s frozen, it’s a meal that I have chosen.
(Did I mention I have become even more lame since leaving college?)

Sleeping: In college, sleep was something you did in the middle of the morning, while sleeping through a psychology lecture. In the real world, it’s something you do just after 9 p.m. When you work at an afternoon paper, you have to get up around five in the morning. I didn’t even know there WAS a 5 a.m. until three months ago.

Entertainment: There are no record stores in the town that I live in, and the nearest Best Buy is 45 minutes away. Now, instead of shopping at the Super K down the street (where all the middle schoolers hang out), I do most of my entertainment shopping on Amazon.

I think it’s almost too easy. I have stuff showing up in my mailbox I don’t even remember ordering. This creates an almost Christmas-like Euphoria for me.
I go stumbling down the steps screaming “WHAT DID I GET? WHAT DID I GET?”

Neighbors: The hot drunk girl with a pierced naval in college has been replaced by a sea of characters. One day, a woman in her 40's screamed obsenities at me for coming up my steps too loud. I nearly replied “It’s not even quiet hours!,” before remembering where I was. Seemingly, this Janet Reno-esque woman has taken it upon herself to act as the RA for the apartment. Which is fine, except that her screaming seemed to contradict her point. She ticked me off, but I did relish the thought that it’s good to not be her.

Thing is, you still get reprimanded, just as you would in the dorms, but it’s from the other tenants. My friend (up to visit from Cleveland) had a note on his car accusing him of being reckless and drunk, just because he didn’t park well. Suddenly, getting a knock on the door for playing my music too loud (as it happened in college) doesn’t seem so bad.

Then there’s the job, but it’s writing, so I like it. Writing has become a sort of salvation of me, in the midst of all these changes that have occurred.
I’d say that life gets different when you leave, but I’m sure we all know that.
Maybe the world really is as wild as Cat Stevens said. Or maybe I am just an unreasonable man living in unreasonable times.

And it’s only been four months.

A Holy union

Vince Guerrieri examines the relationship between Catholocism and the presidency.

"I believe in a president whose views on religion are his own private affairs."
--John F. Kennedy

For the second time in 44 years, and only the third time in American history, a Catholic is running for president on a major party ticket.

The man is John Kerry. The party is the Democratic Party -- just as it was twice before.

In those 44 years, we've gone from a nation where John Kennedy -- the only Catholic president -- had to tell Protestant crowds that a vote for him wasn't necessarily a vote for the Pope. Today, we have a president who was born again, and declared Jesus to be his most admired political thinker, to the point where George W. Bush declared a "Jesus Day" while governor of Texas.

Thirty presidential elections ago, a speaker identified the Republican Party as the one that wasn't for rum, Romanism and rebellion. Since then the Gallant Old Party has come around. They like Catholic votes, and no wonder. Nearly one in four Americans -- 63 million, according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops -- are Catholic.

But Republicans don't necessarily like Catholics.

The main issue Republicans use to pander to Catholics is abortion. Church dogma opposes it. However, that seems to be the only issue where the Catholic Church and Republican Party agree.

Fundamentalist Christians -- who can be downright hostile to Catholics -- are taking over the Republican Party. While on the campaign trail in 2000, Bush went to Bob Jones University, a private "Christian" college that calls Catholicism a cult and describes the pope as an Antichrist.

Although the United States was founded on ideas of religious freedom, that didn't include Catholics, who would have only been accepted in three of the original 13 colonies. Maryland was founded by a Catholic, Rhode Island truly practiced religious freedom, and Georgia was a prison colony, so they weren't very discriminating.

Since the 1840s, Catholics swarmed to America, be they of Irish, Italian or Hispanic descent. One of the first opposition parties -- the Know-Nothings -- was founded on anti-Catholic precepts. Since their arrival, Catholics in the United States have found bigotry. My mother's mother, of Lebanese and Greek descent, had a cross burned in her front lawn, near Canton, Ohio, in the 1920s.

It was in this world that Al Smith, the governor of New York and favorite of New York City's Tammany machine, ran for president in 1928. He ran against Herbert Hoover, a Quaker. Hoover won, and the nation collapsed around him (he was the first Quaker elected president until...you're never gonna believe this one...Richard Nixon).

Another New Yorker ran against Hoover in 1932 and won: Franklin Roosevelt.
One of the main reasons Smith lost was because of his desire to repeal Prohibition. The Puritans in America were still having their way, and Prohibition allowed organized crime -- a business nearly exclusive to Irish and Italian Catholics -- to flourish. After that, Catholics voted in lock step for Democrats. FDR's New Deal had elements of socialism, but the Church supports charity and direct relief.

Catholicism and socialism mesh. I'm making a distinction between communism, which replaces the church with the state, and socialism, which boils down to "from each according to his abilities to each according to his needs." Jesus said, "If you have two coats and the man next to you has none, give him one." For hundreds of years, usury -- the loaning of money with interest -- was a sin.

Capitalism and Catholicism don't always mix. Jesus also said, "No man can serve God and Mammon."

Republicans started to get a Catholic following as they came out as stronger anti-Communists, and then abortion was legalized in 1973. All life is sacred to Catholics, and that includes the unborn. Democrats became the pro-choice party, and Republicans became the pro-life party. There was no place at the Democratic table for a practicing Catholic like former Pennsylvania Gov. Bob Casey.

Kerry supports the right to choose, or the right to abortion, however you want to frame the argument. Some priests, no doubt jockeying for their own political advancement, said they would deny communion to any politician who favored abortion, and the bishop of Colorado Springs went so far as to say that anyone who voted for a pro-choice candidate, or one who favors stem cell research or euthanasia, would need to confess that as a sin.

So I can vote for a president who is against abortion but favors pre-emptive war in the Middle East, leading to the deaths of thousands of real, live people? I seem to recall Jesus somewhere saying "Judge not lest ye be judged," and I'm pretty sure that was in red letters. Any problems a Catholic politician might have reconciling abortion with his or her beliefs are between the politician, THEIR priest (not some grandstanding bishop who seeks to remove the speck in his brother's eye while ignoring the plank in his own) and the Almighty. To be fair, this is not just a Democratic problem. Tom Ridge is a pro-choice Republican and Catholic. I'm not sure if the first or second thing kept him away from the vice-presidential nomination. But some other Catholic beliefs don't have a place in the Republican Party.

Catholics don't favor the death penalty. Our president signed hundreds of death warrants while governor of Texas, where a third jaywalking offense is a capital crime. I don't agree with every preaching of the current pope, but he opposes
the war in Iraq. There's something about pre-emptive war in the Middle East that's emblematic of the Church at its most corrupt (can you say Crusades?).

So the question to millions of Catholic voters is do you vote for the Catholic who allows for the right to choose, or do you vote for the fundamentalist?

My mind's made up.

Spreadin' the word on the Ghettobillies nation

Midwestern rockers Ghettobillies rock out with their cocks out. Dan Nied tells you why.

By Dan Nied [send email]

It may be the songs about “suckin’ dick and squeezin’ titites”. It may be the rip roaring bar acoustics at Brewster’s Pourhouse in Bowling Green, Ohio. Hell, it may have been the three pitchers of beer I drowned in over the course of the night. But most likely, it was the band.

No matter what the reason, it was during the last song of an April 30 set when the Ghettobillies had me hooked.

While belting out “One of Us,” a sing along drinking song with an inescapable bouncing hook, the Ghettobillies proved that they are one of the greatest bands in the world to get drunk with.

And while few know about the Chicago based, Michigan native rockers, they display a refreshing musical honesty that, if there is any justice in the business, will take them far beyond their current Midwest regional status. But even if that isn’t the case, nothing can take away from the fact that in the regional band business, when most acts are striving to be the next Dave Matthews or John Mayer, the Ghettobillies are simply being the Ghettobillies and making it work for them.

To label them would be unfair, just an inaccurate jumble of bands that you might lump them in with. Are they a Weird Al Yankovic/Jamiroquai half breed? Are they a cross between Tenacious D and Black Sabbath? Take your pick, make up your own comparisons. What you get with the Ghettobillies is rock with a pop twist garnished with perfectly perverse, yet insightful lyrics that any young male can identify with.

But where did the Ghettobillies peak on that last day of April in Bowling Green? Was it with “One of Us"? A song that sums up the band’s message with lines like "Do ya like to show off your big ass balls?...Then you just might be one of us". Surely that was a high point. Or were they at their best belting out the blowjob anthem “Open Wide?” Maybe “CHiPs”, their ode to the greatest TV cop show of the 70s got the crowd roaring more. The folksy acoustics of “My First Porno” could shine on any night and was particularly potent at Brewsters.

But therein lies the genius of the Ghettobillies. Their entire catalogue is begging to be identified with. These songs are about more than blow jobs, porno and TV cops. They are about the rights of passage that life presents to every man. And every man is what the Ghettobillies are. While they take the stage with Gwar-esque pseudonyms (the Reverend C. Cobb on vocals, Bong, or Lord Bon Bons on the Bass, Pope D. Licious on guitar and the Holy Maloney on drums) they are mid-20s guys with day jobs that know what its like to have a love interest mistake you’re gay. Through their music, they’ve pondered how quickly youth recedes and explored the social taboos of wearing women’s underwear and taking home a transvestite. And through every perfectly lewd minute the Ghettobillies display musical talent and sensibility.

Their first full length album, "Some Rezeev", is an all acoustic effort with a handful of gems like “Porno”, “CHiPs” and “Captain Ron”. It all wraps up ingeniously with “Poo Boot Scooty”, about, well, a poopy boot. From there the band intertwined the acoustic and electric sound with “Butterface”. For their third, and latest, effort the Ghettobillies tightened up their electric guitars with the nearly flawless nine-song “Still in the Pink” which wraps up with “One of us” and a parody of the Facts of Life Theme Song. Of course, any of these albums, along with a new live effort can be picked up at www.ghettobillies.com.

They pull it all together with a high energy, sometimes choreographed live show that thrives off the band’s fun loving demeanor. Last month’s Bowling Green show spanned their usual three sets and seemed to climax at least three times before the Ghettobillies actually blew their musical load.

Sure, with lyrics like “Sometimes you have to show you know/how to give a guy a blow” from “The Facts of Life”, they may not be the reincarnation of Bob Dylan but the Ghettobillies have their own brand of culturally relevant pop rock that combines with an impressive live show. And that’s all they need to be themselves.

Remembering the anonymous

Zach Baker realizes that Pat Tillman's death is a tragedy, but refuses to forget the others that died just like him.

By Zack Baker
210 west Writer [send email]

Pat Tillman was alive three weeks ago.

Now Pat Tillman is dead.

An American soldier dying in Middle East combat is hardly news anymore. It’s
no less tragic, but it isn’t news. Had Pat Tillman been a 20 year old mechanic who died in the sands of Aphganistan, he would have had his picture
on the front page--in his hometown newspaper.

As it was, Tillman was a multi-million dollar NFL safety, who gave it all up to defend the ideals of the country he loved. In the days following the September 11 tragedy, Tillman (and his brother, a farmhand for the Cleveland Indians) joined the Army rangers to fight. They knew that they might die doing it. Maybe that’s why the story appeals to so many. Athletes who don’t have to go--no one would think less of them if they chose not to--leaving all their security to protect the ability of others in this country to enjoy those same securities.

Tillman’s is a good story, and it certainly is a tragedy.

But here’s a thing I have learned--tragedy and space on the newspaper
page are not constant companions. Some talk of Tillman’s sacrifice as if it is somehow different than the others, hundreds of others, who have died.

I don’t think they do this intentionally. I think it is just the heroism of the story that may have clouded judgment. A life is a life, and it doesn’t matter who you are--if you die on the battlefield, that’s a tragedy. There’s also a story of heroism that is no less great than the story of Pat Tillman.

A few weeks ago, there was an uproar over the fact that Nightline was going to read the names of dead soldiers on their broadcast. As someone who supported the war in Iraq, I am in complete agreement with this. It’s not pro-war or anti-war--no, it’s war. Put some names to those three or four soldiers that died today. If you hear the name, maybe you can better understand that those who lost their lives are not titans, but human beings. Sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, all of whom have left there loved ones with a pain that time may dull, but never erase.

Maybe then we can understand their sacrifice. Maybe then we can have an
idea whether this conflict is worth it.

Tillman’s family understands this. Tillman didn’t want anyone to know
where he was when he enlisted. To him, his risks were no greater than the man
or woman next to him. That’s because in today’s military, no one is there because they have to be.

Some may see it as the best option, but everyone could just have easily
have taken other risks with their lives. They could have done it another
way. But they didn’t.

Now many of them are dead, and they didn’t have to die. This is not an
anti-war statement, it’s a war statement. Tillman’s sacrifice is unique in that he is the only major athlete to enlist. He is not the only hero to have died.
Pat Tillman is dead. So is Lance Cpl. Andrew Julian Aviles, an 18-year old from Tampa, who was killed April 7, 2003.

So is . William A. Jeffries, a 36-year old of Evansville Ind., who died March 26 2003.
So are 877 men and women in Iraq, and more in Afghanistan. We should all be mindful of their great sacrifice.