Natalie Miller Moore wonders: “Can we ever really live a unique life, or do we just do the same things as everyone else and try to make it our own?”
By Natalie Miller
210 west Content Editor [send email]
It seems to me that some people are comforted by doing what other people are doing, and I feel like it’s easier for them. They must be reassured by the numbers of other people our age doing it – whether it’s moving, marriage or having kids. I don’t feel that way, and I think that makes me a minority. I want to be a standout, to change things and shake things up.
But my life doesn’t look too radical from the statistics. College-educated female, mid-20s, married with two dogs. Owner of one sedan and one pickup truck. Goes to work from 8:30 to 5 Monday through Friday. Wild nights out feature drinking beer at a bar where a friend’s band is playing. Home by midnight.
I never thought I would get married in my early twenties, but it seemed right at the time. Now, lots of people I know are married. Maybe it was easier because I did it first.
And now, after three years of marriage, I’m starting to get to the point where I can see kids coming down the road. It seems as inevitable as a freight train. Baby fever hits me at unlikely times, during commercials and when I saw tiny trick-or-treaters. That’s what everyone else seems to be working toward, and I feel weird about that. I want time to do things besides work. I believe true activism takes a lot of time, and that many people who have kids do not have time for social action. As it is, my schedule is pretty full, mainly with trying to make enough money to buy a house.
After years of living in different places and moving around for school or work or travel, I think I’m ready for some settling. These settling down urges seem to be unconquerable, so that goes back to my original question about uniqueness – can you create it despite your biology?
I think I’m just expressing my frustration that I seem to be following some pre-written, pre-ascribed path for a white female of my generation. One of these indications is that I own a Honda Civic. Which means in my thirties, I should have a Toyota Camry. And then, a Dodge Caravan for my pack of kids. Then I should upgrade to a Ford Explorer. This is not the radical life I had in mind.
When I was in high school, I searched college books for two things: a zoology major and a demographic of more than 50 percent black students. Why? Because I wanted to be a zoologist. Oh, and I thought that attending a more diverse school would be a better education and “broaden my horizons.” I didn’t find any schools that had both. And it didn’t matter any way, because I decided to major in journalism, where everyone hopes to educate the world and convince people of the need for change through incisive commentary and unbreachable factual presentation.
And I wanted to go far away for college, to Washington, D.C. or Boston or Charlotte. I ended up going in-state to Bowling Green for the lower tuition. And that sure as heck wasn’t a diverse school. And I while I tried to date a diverse pool of men, they pretty much fell into one category: suburban smart aleck.
I ended up marrying someone with similar demographics to me anyway. A man from a big German-Irish American family, Catholic, soccer player, Boy Scout, booklover and occasionally a rebellious stoner type. He married me, a woman from a big Irish-German American family, Catholic, a soccer player and Girl Scout, a booklover and a high-strung idealist.
Maybe I should have married a Cuban. But that might be a ho-hum settled life too, eventually. I like to think if I had just done something radical, my life would be exciting every day. I should have joined the CIA. I did go live in Ireland for six months, and that seemed pretty radical. But after settling in, life there wasn’t that different from here. Maybe I should have gone to Thailand.
These are all results of choices that I made, so why complain? I wonder if we are fed the idea that we can do and be anything, but that some force in our lives makes our lives very similar to others. Not some governmental force, but some pre-programmed note in our DNA that says “try to marry someone like you” and “buy a Honda, it’s practical” and “get settled and procreate.” No doubt much of our behavior is societal and peer influenced. And the other side of my life story is people who don’t do the typical grow up get a job get married have kids plan – they either feel a sense of failure because they don’t match up, or they just don’t care. I wish I could just not care. I’m troubled by this loss of idealism about changing to world. Grown-ups were always so practical. Now I feel like I’m becoming one, and becoming trapped by that process. Bills, family and work – there has to more to it than that.
Maybe a family can be a structure for social change, instead of a giving in to biology. I guess I’ll see.
Grant was the last president to have a beard. Why? Why do the presidents have to be clean-shaven?
Natalie, your article is super-duper.
And no, media people do not try to bias the nation or somehow hypnotize people into believing crazy ideas.
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Chewy, I am sorry if I offended you or tainted your pleasure from receiving another man's wingding in your poopchute. I pity you as well.
I think we should refocus this discusion. I do not feel that BOB has made an inteligent comment so far. Although I don't agree with all of Haass's comments, I would jus tlike to say that I hate the media, because they have labled me a Metrosexual. When in fact I am actually I am actually a Homosexual. Sure I have a child, and at one time I was engaged to a chick. I now know who I am. I do not feel that the media has the right to tell me that I am a Metrosexual, or a Hetrosexual. I like men so I am gay. I am sorry that this conflicts with your moral views Haass.
Thanks for the pity, man.
BOB- please come up with an original thought. You have amazingly now posted 2 responses that neither address the article or state a solid opinion. Both merely feed off of my statements, much like a tiny, annoying misquito. But, in answer to your endless questions:
1) Sorry, BOB, it may have been junior or senior year in high school. Thank you for possibly correcting me on such a huge issue. I was being sarcastic before BOB, you obviously didn't get it, but then we already talked about getting you some English courses.
2) Thank you for stating a fact that anyone could find out on their own. What's your point? I said Saddam was a murder, are you trying argue otherwise? If I ever need any other commonly known facts, I know I can count on you.
3) There are countless examples of media bias: i.e. When Rosie O'Donnel declared her "lesbianitude," ABC ran a primetime special promoting gay rights and subsequently forced all ABC local affiliates to also run a side column on the nightly news also promoting it. That's a fact BOB. I'm sure you already knew that. ABC - also owned by Disney- who sponsors "Gay Day" at Disneyworld and turns a blind eye to gay men having sex in public in front of children. Did ABC present any other counter opinions about rights based on sexual preference? Nope. Another fact for you there BOB.
So zip it.
4) Since you don't seem to own a dictionary BOB, by God-fearing I mean I fear God, fear of his power and glory and "fear" as in respect for him.
5) BOB - you are a ignorant hypocrite because you said you don't give people shit when they talk about how they live their lives... so what do you call your last responses to me BOB? At the top of my original article did I post "To BOB:" I merely stated my own opinion, I didn't criticize gays, I said I believe homosexuality was a sin and I pity those people, not hate them. The only people I spoke against was the media and their biased views, which I feel is substantiated. Not only will you, BOB, skirt around stating your own opinion, but you fail to stand by the ones you fleetingly type while trying to come up with an original thought.
Oh, I pity you, too, BOB.
Please, Haass, it's Bob, not BOB, as in the guy who killed Laura Palmer on "Twin Peaks."
Now, I wasn't an Education major, so I may be wrong, but I sure haven't seen any 10th grade history textbooks that get into the willy-nilly of the U.S. government's actions in the 1980s. But if you can point me in the direction of any, I'd be happy to recant.
And you were the fella that brought up history and our friend Mr. Hussein, so I was just pointing out that the people who once said he was our friend are the same people now saying he's our enemy.
Also, where is this biased media that portrays your choice of lifestyle as foolhardy and extremist? I didn't know 210West.com had such power in this culture. Is it really "Jane" magazine? That "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" show?
And, again, you were the one that brought up "God-fearing" as a description of yourself. I'm still not sure what that means, but I'd love a description.
And as a man who frequently hides behind sarcastic comments (i.e., my life has gotten so much better now that I debate stuff on Websites made by college friends), I can only say the way I choose to live my life is live and let live, and not give shit to people over the way they talk about living their life. I don't know, maybe that's the wrong way to go about it.
Well, it wouldn't be very opened minded of me to listen only to what I wanted to hear now would it? As far as the liberals and the media being evil incarnate, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. I think most people are trying to do what they think is best... as misguided as they might be. Besides, if everyone had the same opinion, it would be a pretty boring world. Not to mention that there would be no one for me to make fun of.
You're not a jerk, Bobby. Maybe he did and maybe he didn't; I just tossed in the reference. My bad.
Haass: Glad to see you're not letting the Evil Leftist Conspiracy of Media People bias your opinions ... though why you're reading a site created by Media People is confusing. Perhaps it's a selfless act of christian evangelism to lead us all away from the hellfire and damnation of Liberalism?
Good luck with that. You're very entertaining, at any rate. Keep 'em coming.
Hey Bob, great to see you reciting some information that can be found in a 10th grade U.S. History book. Maybe you should go teach classes since you are the only one to possess such knowledge and are clearly more educated than I. I won't even try to defend all the actions of all our presidents, kind of like Washington and Jefferson owning slaves. That would be pretty hypocritical of me considering I make mistakes all the time, unlike you who are perfect. In fact, I don't recall even mentioning the government or Pres. Bush... My issue was with the biased media and their control over people's viewpoints. I wrote it in response to the article about "rebelling against a normal life," and how my viewpoint, once very common even 50 years ago, is now portrayed as foolhardy and extremist. See how my response relates to the article? Perhaps if you posed a "well-thought-out response" to my statements I could better address your issues. Do you need help interpreting what you read? Maybe while your teaching U.S. Government History you could audit an English reading course or two.
By the way, you realize that in your response you didn't even have the backbone to put your viewpoint out on a limb and state your own opinion? I did and you critized me for it, but at least I didn't hide behind a few sarcastic questions so my fragile ego didn't shatter. Good points though BOB.
Hey Haass, the U.S. during the Reagan administration sold arms to Saddam Hussein. He was apparently our buddy because he wouldn't go communist. In fact, a few guys who are in charge of the Iraq war now actually sold the arms to him face to face. So it was cool for the U.S. to dig him then, while he was still murdering innocent civilians? I await your sure-to-be well-thought-out response.
Also, where in the New Testament does Jesus say we should fear God? I can only assume that you're a Christian, someone who puts the New Testament ahead of the Old Testament.
Oh, MB, I don't want to be a jerk, but Mumia probably killed that guy.
Hey Natalie,
Want to be more of a rebel? Try leading a morally sound, God-fearing life and not comprising your beliefs to whatever the media tells you to. I think homosexuality is a sin, along with the foul language and immoral depictions pumped over the tv air waves every night. Just because the media wants us to accept whatever they tell us, doesn't mean we have to. Not accepting these claims doesn't make me a bad person either, it makes me an individual exercising my American God-given rights to stand up for Myself and My Beliefs. Not a closed minded, prejudiced homo-phobe. Good thing the media didn't have so much control back in 1776, they would have convinced us that the British rule wasn't so bad and *war* is definitely bad. OH MY GOSH! The Media is right! We should have also let a sadistic murderer like Saddam Hussein continue to enslave and kill other innocent people and tried to talk him and other terrorist assholes down peacefully, because deep down maybe they just need a hug.
As unnerving as it is to watch ourselves turn into our parents -- comfortable, traditional, suburban, etc. -- the key is to use our new situations to introduce an element of the radical. Proselytize for gay marriage at PTA meetings. Wear your Free Mumia button to the block party. Or whatever left-of-center cause you espouse .. the trick is introducing these notions to your friends and neighbors and, as J. says, doing your damnedest to raise some socially concscious, unafraid little children to combat the bloody hypocrisy that we're surrounded with.
Revolution from within!!
Journalism advocates the need for change and utilizes unbreachable factual presentation? Oh, wait. I was thinking of the poor excuse for journalism that most people watch on the telly.
Anyway, Natalie, the simple fact is that taking the radical choice doesn't lead to an exciting life. I would argue that humans prefer what is comfortable and known. The radical choice may lead to the occasional really exciting day, but most days are lonely and miserable.
Work with the CIA would've been years of toil and possible failure, and the occasional excitment it would offer would be upset by the strain it would put on reltaionships. The radical choice is a risk, and is only exciting (maybe) after years of hell.
And, yes, family CAN be a structure for social change. I would imagine your kids will grow up in a more open-minded and intelligent atmosphere. That's no small matter. It hurts to watch families come into my store, and I can see the children being filled with prejudice, ignorance, and idiocy.