Mary Beth Eastman journeys into a new life without television.
By Mary Beth Eastman
210 west Writer [send email]
Eight p.m. Thursday night. I'm goin' nuts. I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm missing "Friends," and the only thing I want to be doing right now is watching that damn show.
Old habits die really, really hard. My foot's a-tappin', my cigarette is at hand, waiting for the theme music to start so's I can light up and sit back. But that's not happening tonight, nor has it happened for the last two months, since I quit television.
Lord, what a bumpy road it's been without my idiot box.
***
Two months ago, the old man and I visited friends at Purdue University. Fish and Carla live in an old warehouse on the edge of town, in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. And as soon as I walked in the front door, I noticed something was very, very wrong with their living room. I scanned it, trying to pin down the offending item, and realized this: it was missing. The television. The television was missing. The first words out of my mouth, after hello, were "Guys, where's your TV?" Turns out it was in the closet, where it'd been since they moved in.
So we spent the weekend at the coffeeshop, wandering Lafayette, reading and listening to music. We baked a cake. We saw a one-man band. We jammed on the guitar. We had lengthy socio-political discussions.
I missed "Friends," "Scrubs," "Will and Grace," "The Simpsons," the six o'clock news and my "Seinfeld" reruns.
Know what? It was OK. I survived. In fact, I never felt better. There was a brave new world out there, one that was full and satisfying. I wanted out of the box I was living in.
***
When we returned home, I tried to quit cold-turkey.
This is not as easy as it sounds. The withdrawal was a bitch, I can tell you that. For at least a week after I quit, I had dreams wherein Ross Geller and I were doing the nasty. I swear to God I saw Peter Jennings at the supermarket. And then there were the cold sweats, the moodiness, the isolation.
I found myself making excuses to watch just one episode of "The Simpsons" a week. Three weeks in, I realized that either this season is crap, or I've lost my ability to enjoy watching it.
At last I was weaned.
And it feels good, let me tell you.
There are many arguments for the elimination of television, four of which are put forth by Jerry Mander in his 1977 treatise, a powerful and frightening read.
But I'll give you my reasons [abridged version], instead:
1. I'm sick of getting jingles stuck in my head. The solution: Stop watching commercials. The method: stop watching television, which exists solely to create an audience for advertisers. Sounds sick and paranoid, but it's not. Why the hoopla over Nielsen ratings? To find out who's watching what ... so networks can adjust ad prices accordingly. 30 seconds ad space during "Friends'" last season will cost an advertiser millions of dollars ... because of the millions of eyes guaranteed to be looking at that screen.
2. I'm always short on time. Solution: Save two or three hours a day by not watching Fox's Comedy Tune-Up [sitcom reruns, 6-8 p.m. weekdays] and prime-time mush [i.e. American Idol]. Method: Stop watching programs I've seen already or which try to get the most bang for the buck by using "real people" instead of more expensive "actors." If I want to see real Americans bitching at each other, I can look out my window.
3. I'm sick of feeling ugly, poor, unfunny, scared and broke. Solution: Stop watching any and all sitcoms, dramas, ads, made-for-TV movies, TV news programs, comedy specials, music videos, documentaries, and how-to shows. Method: Stop watching any form of television. Sitcoms oversimplify human interaction. Dramas highlight death, murder and destruction, as does TV news, movies, and documentaries. Music videos override the pleasure of listening, comedy specials flatten the ambience and two-way feedback necessary to good comedy and documentaries compress important issues and cultures into television-friendly soundbytes. How-to shows never show enough how-to to be truly useful.
The only redeeming aspects of TV I could find were "The Simpsons" for its devious social commentary and Maryland Public Television, which often shows instructional programs on topics such as The Great Pyramids of Giza or the lifestyles of iguanas. But then I realized I could rent the Simpsons on DVD, read about the pyramids and go see a real-live iguana at the zoo.
I was able, then, to cut the apron-strings.
***
With no television, I do have to be creative in how I spend my time. And I will admit to renting tons of movies in the last two months -- my version of The Patch, something to take the edge off.
With no television, I took up painting again. I explored the city. The old man and I started cooking more elaborate meals and eating together at the dining room table, instead of from TV trays.
I spend less time at the mall. I spend less time at CVS [and Lord knows how hard it is to separate a girl from her hair-product supplier]. I have started to reuse things, instead of buying the latest "disposable" gadget I haven't heard about. We've got more money in the bank.
I've begun doing things which make me personally happy. I've stopped imagining my life as a sitcom or, on bad days, a Lifetime movie. I've read new books, learned a new skill, helped launch a magazine and spent more time at art shows and drinking with friends [instead of by myself, watching "Joe Millionaire"].
It's a huge freaking step, to give TV up altogether. TV's been with me throughout my entire life. It's held my hand through childhood, adolescence, breakups, drug experiments, loneliness, and family get-togethers. It's been the source of so many good memories ... Sesame Street, The Muppets, Fraggle Rock, Clarissa Explains It All, My So-Called Life, Will and Grace, The Wedding Story. Shows that stick with me. Shows that let me to connect with others of my generation. Shows that give us all a common bond, a starting-off point. At times, it seems almost traitorous to give it up.
And what will I do when the fourth season of "Sex and The City" comes out on DVD? Or "The Sopranos?" Will I survive not knowing if Joey and Rachel ever hook up? Will I make it without ever seeing "Good Day Live" again?
I think so, I really do. I'll just tune into some real drama instead: listening to the neighbors upstairs, following the election this year [in the newspaper, natch], checking on my sisters and their misadventures. I'll connect with real people, leading real lives, doing things that affect me. Me the person, not me the walking wallet.
***
The old man and I still haven't put our televisions out on the curb. It's like keeping that emergency pack of cigarettes under the bed: It's reassuring to know that one day, if I really need it, it'll be there.
But slowly, steadily, the televisions have become part of the furniture, instead of the vehicle life molds itself around. One is propping up a landscape in oil. The other, shrouded, supports a stack of work-pants. And the day will come when we ditch them altogether, and I'll know i'm on this wagon for good.
Excellent comments, Matt, as usual. But I've got to say this: Some will argue [myself included] that the medium is irredeemable, that no amount of judicious tallying will help.
The medium is the message, and both are narrow, flat, two-dimensional, limiting. They deprive us of true interaction among ourselves and with our environment .. and no amount of research will change that simple fact.
Now, I won't deny that it's important to track who's paying for what, because an awful lot of people do still watch television.
But i think we'd all be a lot better off if we turned it off altogether. Human interaction, real experience, local community -- all of these would benefit to some degree. Again -- read Jerry Mander's book, and then get back to me.
[Oh, and nice dig with the cheese and crackers bit :) ....]
As a transitionally unemployed (read: got a raise and three weeks off for a change) single, American male with 70+ channels of first-class cable and 1.5Mbps wireless broadband, i have to say that I don't really represent the "Kill Your Television" lobby all that well...at least on paper. My greatest disappointment in discovering that it was raining on my first day off was not that I had lent out my ENTIRE collection of David Sedaris, or that I was completely out of varnish, but that Magnum P.I. is no longer in syndication. I felt a LOSS for the vanished possibility of one hour of idle brain rot. I could have interpreted my response as an indication of impending mental laziness, or as a sickness of some sort, but I didn't.
Television at one point had a noble stated purpose: to inform us of events that affect our lives, but occur beyond the reach of our daily experience; to expose us to concepts and ideas other than those we see on our way to meet Peter Jennings at the supermarket; at its lowest point, television idly entertains us. Obvious to a few, transparent to most, is the reality that this stated purpose has been diluted. Worse yet, changed. In broad strokes, Ms. Eastman is right. People tend to purchase goods that appeal to them on television. People tend to agree with opinions expressed by "experts" that appear credible on television.
My long-winded question is this: is the solution to abandon the medium, or to analyze what we see therein, and interpret differently what is presented? Do we try to save it, or leave it for those not belonging to the Midwest Intelligencia?
In my opinion, it pays to know the mind of your adversary. Much as we hate to say so, those of us that earned humanities degrees and vote liberal still do have to buy stuff. What advertisers fear most is not a complacent or absent few, but an educated, critical majority. Well-informed consumers don't buy advertising. Well-informed consumers understand globalization and can differentiate a product that is good for the market, the individual consumer, and the world from a product that exists just to appear so at a premium price point. Good examples: Saab (now a GM-gutted shell of a once-proud Swedish carmaker, selling badge-engineered Saturns for 50% markup); Rolling Rock beer (liberal, rock-and-roll image funding national conservative organizations and RTL groups); Basically any product from Altria (the not-so-subtle rebranding of Philip Morris USA, to which most consumers are oblivious); the list goes on...
So, what to do? Leave the TV off if you want to. Or, judiciously turn it on. Rather than bellying up to a block of Kraft Cheese and Nabisco crackers, get out a pen and paper. Watch those product placements. Pay attention to who's funding which news broadcast, which prescription drug companies are targeting whom. It's a fun game. When you want a break from dodging well-veiled corporate appeals, turn on Public Television. Personal favorite: NOW with Bill Moyers--he will save American broadcast journalism, or die trying.
(that was a shameless pitch...did you catch it?)
Love the site. Keep up the good work.
I love this column. And, it's really true. I visited Mary Beth and Iain in Baltimore on Thursday, and we had a few hours of good conversation rather than watching the idiot box. I have to admit that I was drawn to the blank screen though.
There should be a 12 step program to deal with this addiction. It's a tough one.
excellent points, bryce. i agree that television has its benefits.
a major one, in my opinion, is its role as a conversation-starter -- not only regarding celebrity gossip, but in raising awareness about issues, too. Most notable example: MTV's Stop Hate campaign of a few years ago [do they still do that?] following the Matthew Shephard tragedy. that campaign included poignant vignettes about homosexuality, race, gender and religion. Often tv is the only source or font of knowledge for some people when it comes to underexamined thoughts and issues.
Of course, I could argue that it's still only a front for commercialism, but I'm not going to go there today.
I can definitely see the advantages in giving up TV. I know that I would do a lot more of the things I have been meaning to do if I didn't automatically plop down on the couch after work. One thing that prohibits me from doing this is the fact that TV is the topic of so much conversation between my circle of friends. I hate not being up-to-date on the latest TV gossip for the sole reason that I know it will eventually come up in conversation.
Also, TV is my main source of useless facts. Most of the arcane tidbits in my head have come from flipping through channels. I don't know why I feel this is important. Maybe it's my dream of being on Jeopardy some day. Maybe it's the chance to really impress somebody in the future. Whatever it is, I feel as though I am better off knowing these useless things.