Dan Nied wonders why he's surprised to find out Jose Canseco's been juicing.
Jose Canseco and steroids?
No way, not the Jose Canseco I know.
Not the Jose Canseco who said that 85 percent of Major League Baseball players were juicing. Not the Jose Canseco that has become one of the greatest running real life comedy shows of this era.
Jose Canseco would never juice.
Wait, all right, maybe he would.
So why am I surprised to learn that Canseco was arrested Friday for testing positive for steroids, a violation of his parole?
Maybe it is because the guy has been retired for a few years. I mean, why would he need them?
But then he does like to get into fights now and again, as his conviction for brawling with brother Ozzie at his side suggests.
But violating parole for that conviction landed him under house arrest. Who’s he gonna rumble with at home? Maybe a fight to the death with the dog in the family pool?
Of course, Canseco recently opened his home to the public. For $2,500 you can spend four hours at Canseco Manor. Maybe he was prepping in case one of his patrons got mouthy.
With this latest incident, a retired athlete who can’t leave home juicing up, the question that begs to be asked is this:
Can a man be this fucking stupid?
Look, Jose, I understood when you wanted to pitch for the Rangers back in your playing days. We all would have done that just to live out a dream. Fine.
I figured you were just a little crazy when you made the steroid claim about baseball. When you said race was a factor in the Sammy Sosa Corked bat frenzy, I thought you might have been a just a little misguided.
And the whole “spend a day with Jose” thing was reprehensible, but still entertaining.
But now this? What are we to do in this country when a great man like Jose Canseco falls to the bottom more times than Elmer Fudd in a rabbit cage?
Should we just dismiss him as a perpetual anti-example of how to live our lives? Maybe we should applaud the fact that none of us actually are him?
Maybe we should just ignore him and hope that he goes away.
But that would be no fun. This guy needs his own reality TV show. We need to see his stupidity on a weekly basis.
Maybe Jose and Mike Tyson could get a show. (Try and stop me from watching.)
Then we could have an answer to the earlier question.
I’m just afraid the answer would be: yes, a man can be, and is, this fucking stupid.