Vince Guerrieri revisits the classic that -- in conjunction with his father -- taught him life lessons.
By Vince Guerrieri
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When I was in high school, my father took me to the hospital to visit his father. As we walked up the steps, Dad stopped me. I turned to face him, and he turned up the collar of my coat.
"Put your hands in your pockets," he told me. "Make it look like you have a gun."
The Godfather has hung heavily in my consciousness since my father sat me down when I was 12 and made me watch the movie just for one line, uttered by Sonny Corleone as the family’s planning to hide a gun in the men’s room of the restaurant where his brother Mike will meet the Turk..
"I want you to find someone good, and I mean very good, to plant that gun," Sonny said. "I don’t want my brother coming out of the bathroom with just his dick in his hands." At that point, my father would shout, "But it would be loaded!!"
I was required to watch all three Godfathers. For the record, III wasn’t bad on its own merits, but just didn’t stack up to the two parts that preceded it. The first two movies are modern classics, but to those of us whose names end in a vowel, it’s a way of life. My grandfather told me he was going to have the theme from the movie played at my wedding. Even people who don’t know manicotti from linguini have taken Mario Puzo’s saga to heart. I have a friend who’s about as white as can be, and he has quotes from the movie on his Palm Pilot (Italian Americans don’t have Palm Pilots. We don’t like to leave a paper trail. In fact, I’m torn about writing this down).
All I needed to know in life, I learned from The Godfather. And I don’t just mean when it’s appropriate to have in-laws or siblings killed. I mean real life lessons for those of us who’ll never preside over a criminal empire, er, a large olive oil importing company.
"A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man."
Pretty self-explanatory. The whole point of the movie is that the actions are taken to preserve and protect the family, because the family is the only entity that will rise up and defend you. Don’t ever take sides against the family. Kinda gives a whole new sinister interpretation to the Republicans’ pleas for "family values."
"We’re both part of the same hypocrisy, senator."
The line between organized crime and politics is very thin and blurry, and mostly boils down to where you buy your suits. People with power are just as corrupt, if not more so, than the rest of us. Men we think are honorable statesmen can be just as vulgar. Don’t believe me? Compare Richard Nixon’s tapes to those taken of John Gotti at the Ravenite Social Club. See who has more expletives deleted.
Don Corleone sent Tom Hagen to law school with the idea that a lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns and masks. (One of my non-Italian friends asked why anyone would want one man with a gun and mask, let alone more than a thousand.) Thievery on a small scale clogs America’s courts and prisons. Thievery on a large scale makes them take your company’s name off the ballpark.
"Do you know how naïve you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don’t have men killed!" "Who’s being naïve?"
"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."
Italians believe that there is no problem that can’t be solved over dinner. Some wine, maybe some antipasto, pasta, some meat, dessert, and finished off with coffee, if for no other reason than to keep everyone awake.
A scene in the book that didn’t make it into the movie showed Momma Corleone cooking after finding out her son had been killed. "In her experience," Puzo wrote, "Pain didn’t dull hunger. The taking of food dulled pain. She would have been offended if someone had offered a drug to sedate her, but a cup of coffee and a crust of bread were another matter."
While the family’s going to the mattresses, they make spaghetti. When men are guarding the house, Clemenza’s making spaghetti and singing, "Mikey, why don’t you tell that nice girl you love her. I lova you with alla my heart, if I don’t see you againa soon I’ma gonna die…" If I closed my eyes, I saw my grandfather. When Mikey goes to meet the Turk, he does so over veal parmagiana at a restaurant. I hope he enjoyed it, because after killing two people there, they’ll probably never let him come back.
"I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse."
The most important lesson, it could have been taken directly from Machiavelli himself. Never negotiate out of weakness. Don’t be afraid to say "boo" to anyone. More often than not, it’s not like they’ll kill you. Always be able to back up your promises, or your threats. The winner of any conflict isn’t the strongest, or the smartest. It’s a question of will. If you’re willing to kill a racehorse just to get a movie role for your godson, you’ll probably get it.
That’s what I learned. But it’s not all. If you’ve seen the movie, though, you know I won’t tell you everything I’ve learned. It’s like Vito told Sonny, "Never let anyone outside the family know what you’re thinking…"