100 Days

Brace yourself. It’s one of those reflective moods tonight.

But first, I must fulfill a promise to those of you who might care a little bit. I said yesterday that I would detail some of the more interesting reactions of my friends and family to my weight loss.

As you can guess, Thinner Dan was a big hit with everyone. However, it also seemed to give people the green light to trash Fat Dan. I was cool with that, but you know, I’m still me. I am still the guy that weighed so much. So that was kinda not that cool. But really, I am perfectly ok with it.

The best reaction, as I can tell, came from an unlikely source. That would be Martha, girlfriend to old friend Guy. When Martha saw me she freaked the fuck out. She didn’t go all crazy and everything, but she was definitely impressed. We did some pre drinking over her place on my last night out and she greeted me with a big hug. She informed me a little later on that she was so happy she could actually get her arms around me now. She also asked me questions for about 20 minutes. Not about what I ate, but my motivation, my current feelings, how I think weight loss will affect my future.

In those 20 minutes I pretty much laid everything out about my hopes and dreams. I want to lose weight so the woman I eventually fall in love with will be able to fall in love with me too (I envision my future mate as a picky bitch who will only admit the best and brightest into her life.) I don’t feel any lighter, I told her. I am proud, but not finished yet. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I was never worried about my health, I was only worried about never getting laid again.

And all the while Martha, who by the way can do much better than one Guy Vendittelli, kept reminding me of what a fatty bombalatti I was just six months prior. And while that kind of stung since Thinner Dan is pretty much the same guy as Fat Dan, it certainly gave me a sense of accomplishment. So that was nice.

Ok, now on to some other people of note:

Mom – Impressed, but she had seen the pictures from the previous week so she wasn’t taken aback.

Grandmother – Very taken aback but, at 93 years old (I think) she didn’t have much energy to get all worked up.

Friend Guy – “You look kinda weird”

Friend Kevin – Not as much of a reaction as I expected. He was the guy I figured would jump for joy with me, fawn over how I look. But at first, he was pretty mellow. But Kev and I talked a lot about the process and the results as time went on.

Friends Jacob, Cameron, Kostic, Ed and Chrissy: Most of them have been reading, I believe, so they knew what was up. With those people it kind of became something of a “Lookin pretty good Dannyboy” marathon. That, however, was appreciated.

So you know, nothing too spectacular. I think people were impressed. I think people enjoyed what Thinner Dan brought to the table. By the way, I slept on couches three different nights during vacation. I slept very soundly each time. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the weight loss, but for the record, pre weight loss meant Dan didn’t sleep well on the couch. So maybe there is something to this life improvement stuff.

Last note about vacation: Guy and I went to Old Navy one day. I got three shirts off the rack and a pair of jeans that was one size smaller than what I have been wearing since 8th grade. That was pretty sweet. Gotta love Old Navy, with their XXL sizes. That’s the way to go.

Anyway, on to the other stuff. There is no other place to start than Myspace. Yes, I have a Myspace page, and if you can find me I will be your friend. But this isn’t just about Myspace, this is about the shrinking of the world as a result of that site. This is about finding people you knew back in the day and remembering whatever memories are worth remembering.

So earlier tonight I was searching through the Bowling Green alumni, roughly around my age. I wasn’t looking for anyone in particular (That’s not true, but for the sake of not wanting to seem creepy, let’s pretend it is) but I came across some old friends and drinking buddies.

And then I came across her. The absolute epitome of the one that got away. We’ll call her Kate, because that is a very lazy variation of her name. Now, if you don’t want to hear my sob story, stop reading.

Ok.

I must have been a sophomore when I first saw her. It was the first day of some crappy class and I did the usual scan across the room for hot girls. Normally, this was a quick look, to see if I should change seats. Every girl gets a look, then I make a decision. So I was in mid-scan, my neck muscles moving so swiftly, I almost missed her. I actually passed her up, but had to come back. That is the sign for me. When I have to take a second look, I know I have found something. She was perfect. Tall, cute, everything that I would ask for in a woman.

So a few weeks went by and I managed to strike up a conversation with Kate. How did I do this? The patented walk behind her out of class then, once everyone has kind of cleared out, say something like “man, I hate that class” to no one in particular. She probably hates the class too, so she turns around and you discuss how much you hate that class. You go on your marry way. Next day, walk next to her out of class and do some more talking. Eventually you’re walking her all over campus, to places you never had any intention of ever going.

So that’s how I broke the ice.

I liked her a lot and for some reason, I think she kind of liked me. But she had a boyfriend at the time, so nothing ever worked out. Next semester we had no class together. However, I saw her just about every day in the halls, so we would talk for a little bit at a time. One day she mentioned breaking up with her boyfriend a few weeks prior. A few weeks later, I asked her out.

She said yes, enthusiastically as I recall, with a smile that possessed the finer points of alchemy. I was pumped up. But, in my excitement, I left for class without getting her number. I was pretty disappointed in myself, but I figured I would see her again the next day and then play it off like a joke: “Yeah, I kinda forgot to get your number yesterday, can I have it now?” And everyone would have laughed a hearty laugh and we would have gone out and world peace would be the next logical step.

But she wasn’t there the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. In fact, she wasn’t there again that semester. I fucked up. In the back of my mind, I figured the worst: that she was dodging me. Maybe she was. I don’t know. But I do know that the next time I saw her was probably a year later. She was in a serious relationship and I was left to wonder what would have been.

In the five or six years since that moment, I have occasionally been reading in bed when my mind would wander to Kate. The instant reaction is to close my book and pound on the pillows (in a playful way, albeit) and curse probably the worst mistake I have ever made. See, the possibilities that I envisioned make it impossible to totally let this girl go. Sure, I forget about it, but she will always be around me somewhere, smiling at me, saying yes and leaving without contact information.

So fast forward to last night when I am looking through the BG alumni on Myspace. Of course, who do I come across? Kate. I get excited because she looks the same and a second chance is better than no chance. I get excited because I remember instantaneously what I liked about her instead of how I let her go. She surrounds my world for that fist instant of recognition, looking like a woman should look, being what a woman should be, smiling at me and no one else, knowing my pain and happiness, sharing my dilemmas.

So I click. I look for it, look for it, look for it, see it.

Kate is married.

Like it would be any other way.

And perhaps this is silly or creepy or just a big bucket of tears. And sure it might be crazy for me to be in Colorado and fantasize aimlessly about a girl in Ohio. But it might be something deeper than that. To me, this is a lesson of how I’ve lived my life, getting close, but never taking the necessary steps to success. I live with talent, but do I use it? I might be a good looking guy, but I hid it under layers of fat. I made bad decisions that shaped the life I live and probably provided me with enough insecurity to doubt that I can even ride a bike anymore. And why did I do that? Was it stupidity? Was it laziness? More importantly, how do I change. Have I changed? Is it possible to really be old at 26? And do I really feel that life is a race to 30 and I just got lapped for the third time?

And that’s what I really felt when I looked at Kate in all her glory. I felt like a stagehand, quietly building the sets where the actors will shine.