100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (9 a.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
Calories: 200
Fat: 4 grams

Lunch (1:30 p.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
1 can of tuna
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 270
Fat: 2.5 grams

Snack (4 p.m.)
1 stick of beef jerky
Calories: 150
Fat: 2 grams

Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway Club with cheese (shhhhh. Don’t tell anybody)
Calories: 720
Fat: 19 grams

Total calories: 1,340
Total fat: 27.5 grams

Exercise: Upper body workout and 30 minutes on elliptical machine

Yes, I got cheese on my sub today. And I also kept it a healthy day. So, yeah I am awesome. I was in the mood for cheese. I got cheese. I think that once I get under 270, I might start getting cheese all the time. We’ll see.

This is kind of an odd feeling that probably has no real basis. However, I think I might be losing weight too fast. I have come up with logical explanations for the fast weight loss, but it is hard for me to believe the rate at which I am dropping pounds over the last two weeks.

After I worked out today I weighed in at just over 293 pounds. That is a three pound drop from Tuesday. Now, I know that variables surround the weigh-ins. But I can’t say that I’ve ever seen a drop like that before. Sunday That is a four-pound drop from Sunday’s 297 reading. Less than two weeks ago, when I got back from Colorado Springs, I was 303. So that means that I’ve dropped 10 pounds in 10 days. However, I ate shitty for two of those days and haven’t worked out each day.

The dramatic drop in pounds made me think something might be wrong. I just spent 15 minutes on WebMD trying to figure out what I was afflicted with. However, I have no other symptoms than weight loss and some mild fatigue (I feel groggy all day sometimes, but it usually goes away after a shower or workout.)

I think I can trace the three pounds in two days back to Wednesday. I was having a terrible day and just said “fuck it” around 5 p.m. There was a cake at work. I had three pieces. Then I went to Arby’s and capitalized on the five Arby Melts for $5.95 deal.

Then I threw up. On purpose. Yep, apparently I am bulimic, or at least had a bulimic episode. When I threw up, I noticed that most of the cake came up before the sandwiches. So let’s say that most of that went out of my system. Other than the cake and sandwiches, I ate about 500 calories Wednesday. (Oatmeal and a turkey sandwich up until the cake episode and then at night I had some baby carrots) Well, that would make it very easy to drop a pound in a day. Now, combine that with other variables and generally good food intake Thursday morning and I can see how three pounds could come off so quickly.

Oh, and one other reasonable excuse would be muscle mass. Since muscle burns more calories than fat, and I have put on some extra muscle mass (noticeable, by the way, at least to me) since I started working out, it would stand that I would burn more calories naturally.

But since the vomiting was so successful , I have decided to go bulimic.

No, that would be irresponsible.

Actually, Wednesday’s episode needs to be addressed. As my old roommates are sure to point out, there have been singular episodes like that in the past. Basically it works like this: I eat too much shit. I feel like absolute shit. I make myself throw up the shit I ate.

I’d say that, in college, this happened maybe five times. It may have been more. It drew a fair amount of fun making at my expense and made me feel bad about myself. However, it has never been a habit and it isn’t something I ever did to lose weight. I did it only to relieve unnecessary burdens I placed on my stomach.

However, since there is precedent for these episodes, and since I am now actually trying to lose weight, it comes to my attention that this sort of behavior could develop into habit. I’m not saying it will, nor am I saying it is part of a plan. But if I ate my way up to 370 pounds, who is to say I won’t replace compulsive overeating with another degenerative behavior?

Normally when I have thoughts about degenerative behavior within the diet, I am quick to dismiss them as improbabilities. But this one worries me a little bit. What happens when I hit 270 pounds and have to change the diet to something a little less extreme? Certainly it will be much easier to binge and purge than to learn how to eat sensibly. Perhaps the worst thing that could happen is that I develop an eating disorder, especially one that is almost exclusive to teenage girls. (How embarrassing would that be?) But at least I recognize the risk this early and I know that I can’t let it be a problem. I need an exit strategy for this diet because it appears that 270 isn’t as far away as I think it is.

What this tells me is that sustaining good eating habits may end up being much harder than losing the weight. I don’t want to vomit my dinner every night and I don’t want to get back up to 300 ever again.

But as I’ve said all along, this is just a matter of choice. So I’ll just have to keep making the right ones.