100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (10:30 a.m.)
1 can of pees that I have had for at least a year.
Calories: 210
Fat: 0 grams

Lunch (1 p.m.)
4 chicken filets
4 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 360
Fat: 2.5 grams

Snack (5 p.m.)
2 sticks of beef jerky
Calories: 300
Fat: 4 grams

Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
2 Lean Cuisine dinners (mac and cheese and Salisbury steak)
Calories: 570
Fat: 16 grams

Total Calories: 1,440
Total fat: 22.5 grams

Exercise: None. I suck. I have to admit I didn’t work out because I was really fucking lazy today. I suck. I know it. You don’t have to tell me. I just totally suck.

So I experimented a little bit today and welcomed some low-calorie microwave dinners into the mix. There was one problem, though. One wasn’t really enough to fill me up. But on the bright side, two of them have less calories than a foot long sub from Subway, though they also have at least four more grams of fat. And they weren’t as delicious. I think I will mix and match and try to find my favorites. I think they will be especially helpful once I up the calories.

The countdown is on. There are 17 days until the initial 100 days is over. And, while I do know I won’t be at the 100 pounds lost mark, I am still watching the results on that day with great interest. My hope is that April 14 will mark the first day in years that I weigh less than 300 pounds. I can’t honestly remember the last time I was 299. Two years ago I lost 45 pounds in five months, but went from 345 to 300. I got down to 300 a few times, but each time I celebrated and got back up to 305 or something.

So I think that the last time I was under 300 pounds may have come, back when I was in college in 2001. I started at 300, got down to 265, did my internship in Colorado and gained 10 pounds there, then came back to school and slowly put the weight back on.(After I got a girlfriend. Those were good times, but she really fattened me up. In February 2003, when we broke up, I was tipping the scales at 335, a personal record back then. So throughout that 18-month relationship, I gained 60 pounds. That shows what happens when a guy like me stops trying to impress people.)

So I think it has been nearly five years since I was under the grotesque 300 pound mark. It doesn’t seem that long. That amazes me. What a fatass.

Obviously, the 300 pound barrier is huge for me. So huge that I already have a celebration planned. Actually, I am a bit conflicted about this, so let me try to talk myself into it. The plan on April 14 is to take the day off of work and head down to Colorado Springs to visit Kevin, my former roommate and all-around good guy. There will be copious amounts of alcohol consumed for two reasons: 1) I will personally be celebrating the 100 days mark (not the 300 pound mark, because that may not even happen) 2) Kevin and I will be celebrating our friendship because we enjoy each other’s company and we also enjoy the company of bottom-barrel canned beer. So the drinking is really unavoidable.

But, what about the eating? Certainly an occasion like this deserves some type of reward, right? Maybe. I have promised myself one thing at the conclusion of the 100 days: a double meat Taste of Italy from Subway. It needs no explanation. That will definitely be consumed at some point that weekend. However, what about the other times when Kevin and I are going out to eat, or sitting on his apartment floor (he has no furniture. Werido.) at 3 a.m. thinking about pizza? Those will be the tough decisions. Certainly I can indulge, take the weekend off and enjoy the fruits of 100 days of fairly hard work (with some cheating thrown in, admittedly). And since the goal of 270 pounds is clearly marked, I have no doubt that I will return to the diet promptly.

But then, I could forego the shit eating that weekend and bring myself that much closer to the 270 mark. Also by doing that, assuming I was down to 300, I would prove to myself that I have learned from past mistakes and not celebrate hitting 300 by immediately going back over 300.

And if I come up short of the 300 mark on April 14, then how could I honestly convince myself to celebrate a failure? Believe me, I will be quite disappointed if I weigh 302 that day.

So it seems to me that I have an honest-to-God dilemma here.

What ever shall I do?