100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (8 a.m.)
3 servings of Special K
3 servings of skim milk
Calories: 570 (yikes)
Fat: 0 grams

Lunch (12:15 p.m.)
1 Healthy Choice smoked sausage
2 slices of multi grain bread
1 serving of lowfat cottage cheese
Calories: 450
Fat: 10.75 grams

Snack (3 p.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
Calories: 200
Fat: 2 grams

Snack (6 p.m.)
1 bag of beef jerky
Calories: 280
Fat: 1.75 grams

Dinner (8 p.m.)
2 cod fillets
3 servings of salad mix
5 mushrooms
3 servings of fat free Italian dressing
2 servings of Just 2 Good Bleu Cheese
Calories: 330
Fat: 4.8 grams

Total calories: 1,830
Total fat: 19.3 grams

Exercise: None. Actually, I did the opposite of exercise. I took two fucking naps. First I got up at 8 a.m., ate breakfast and then went back to sleep for an hour. Then when I came home from work, I went to sleep for another hour. I was tired. Though, I know working out would have made me not tired.

Let me tell you what kind of guy I am. First, I am currently downloading internet pornography.

Second, I live in a fucking garbage can. Just in me peripheral vision in this luxurious studio apartment in scenic Shittown, Colorado, I can see: One full garbage bag. A pile of mail strewn about the coffee table next to five empty Subway drink cups. On the back of the couch there are two used paper plates, complete with forks, an empty cottage cheese container, five reporter’s notebooks and my cell phone. On the floor, there is a nice mixture of clothes and empty Subway wrappers, paper towels and a beef jerky bag from earlier tonight. On the desk there is an empty coffee cup, a cereal bowl from this morning, a few more Subway wrappers, a few CD’s, a Steve Marriucci bobblehead (though he was fired in November), a dirty plate. And a fair amount of dust.

The kitchen is full of pizza boxes from way more than 77 days ago, the bathroom has living things growing all around it.

My clothes are pretty much in a pile at the foot of my bed. Old Sports Illustrateds are beside my bed, so I can read at night. There is a bunch of other stuff lying around that I have been too lazy to pick up.

It’s not always like this, well not always like THIS. My apartment is usually pretty messy, but I get around to cleaning the main living quarters every two or three weeks. I can tell you, though, that the box for the farewell pizza I got the day before the 100 days started wasn’t picked up until at least day 45.

I tell you this for two reasons: First, to illustrate the need for some sort of outside influence in my life, be it a woman or a drill instructor. Second, to give you a chance to jump off this ship. If you have become engrossed in this quest and have made it part of your daily routine, you might want to ask yourself if you really want to root for a guy like me. If you have somehow come to believe that I am a very smart and desirable man, then you might want to think twice before making your final decision.

I’m not saying you should stop reading, because I think it’s a pretty fun ride which should only get better once stories of gratuitous sex and super adventure come into play.

But you know, I just want to be honest with you guys. By no means is my weight the only problem in my life. I have bad credit, I don’t shower nearly as much as I should, I let sexual thoughts creep into my head at inappropriate times. I am 26, but very much wish I was back in college even though I went for 5 ½ years. I hate my job. I hate where I live. I hate about 70 percent of the people I see on a regular basis and I hate anyone who is under 30 and makes more than $30,000 a year (Mainly because I am bitter about making $22,000 per year while being very good at what I do.) I went to Cancun for spring break in 2001 and didn’t get laid (traumatizing). I don’t really care about the health benefits of losing weight. Basically I am doing this so I can someday see an attractive woman naked without directly paying for it.

So there it is. I just wanted to let you know that about me.

Of course, you may ask, why the fuck am I telling you all this negative shit about me? Well, here’s the deal. First, I think the more I am willing to share with you, the better this blog works. And second, I want you guys to know how much of a struggle this is every day. I am an incredibly normal man with deeply ingrained bad habits that are amazingly tough to break. I think I am like everyone in that respect. I haven’t been put up to this by the people of Subway, or the Baby Carrot Comission of America. I am just a guy who wants to change. And I am a guy for whom change is one of the hardest things to do.

And I sit here today in my little schizophrenic world saying that I can’t guarantee that this entire endeavor will be successful. But, of course, tomorrow I will have no doubt about victory. And the fact that I can’t make up my mind about whether or not I can actually lose 100 pounds should show you that I am also a bit fearful of success.

So if you want to leave, leave now. But the drama, I think, is just starting.

As for me, I gotta jet. The porn is done downloading.