100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (9 a.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 ounces of turkey
2 ounces of roast beef
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 255
Fat: 3.5 grams

Lunch (12:30 p.m.)
2 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 380
Fat: 0 grams

Snack (3 p.m.)
1 Special K snack bar
Calories: 90
Fat: 1.5 grams

Snack (5 p.m.)
1 apple
Calories: 80
Fat: 0 grams

Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
1 Foot long Subway club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams

Total Calories: 1,445
Total Fat: 17 grams

Exercise: Have you ever been in a snowstorm on the first day of spring, and realized that you were really tired and lazy and kind of wanted to go take a nap, so you go home and, instead of taking a nap you look at dirty pictures on the internet and, through IM, plan a road trip to see a concert, but in your mind you know that there is no way this road trip will ever happen? Well if so, did you work out on that day? Me neither.

Alright, 25 days to go. 19 pounds to go to reach the new official goal of 30 pounds in 50 days. 49 pounds to go to reach the old official goal of 100 pounds lost. Think I can do it by May? I don’t. But I do think that the first day of summer, June 21 (or is it the 20th this year?), is a reasonable expectation. I’m not making that the new target date, I just think that I can lose the weight by that point. I guess we’ll see.

CAUTION: I’M ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT POOPING. SKIP THIS IF YOU CAN’T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT EVERYBODY POOPS.

I had a “growing up” moment today. If you remember yesterday’s reference to possible constipation, you won’t be surprised to know that I went to the grocery store and, along with nudie magazines, condoms and tampons, bought a laxative.

That made me feel a little old. I’ve never imagined needing a laxative before and I was a bit astonished that I might need one before my 65th birthday. But there I was, in the hick grocery story, buying Milk of Magnesia (which I never actually knew was a laxative until I went bargain hunting today).

However, I’d like to make this point clear: My laxative cherry still has not been popped. As soon as I got home from laxative shopping, I decided to give it a try the old fashioned way. This time it worked. I was happy. That was that. I wasted five bucks, but it’s nice to know the bottle is around as a security blanket.

ALL RIGHT. I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT POOPING.

I’m pretty sure that the weight loss is going to my head. I find myself giving out nutrition advice to anyone that will listen. Who would actually take nutrition advice from a 320 pound fatass like me? I know I wouldn’t. But I am now scoffing at people who eat fast food (apparently I forget that I have eaten fast food on occasion in the last 75 days) and I go out of my way to tell people that fast food upsets my stomach. Yeah, people, listen to my annoying story! I know what’s best for you! I have become something of a weight loss snob.

And the kicker is: I haven’t even reached my goal yet. Let me lose 100 pounds and then, I think, I will be entitled to talk all the shit I want to the heart attacks waiting to happen. So I guess I’ll try to wait until then.

Yeah, that’s all I got for today.