100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (9:30 a.m.)
1 can of Tuna
2 slices of wheat bread
1 serving of fat free mayonnaise
Calories: 270
Fat: 2.5 grams

Lunch (12:30 p.m.)
4 Vegan Burgers
4 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of fat free mayonnaise
1 pouch of Beef jerky
Calories 570
Fat 6 grams

Dinner (6 p.m.)
3 servings iceberg lettuce with carrots and other stuff cut up in there
5 grape tomatoes
¼ cucumber
1 serving of mushrooms
3 Chicken filets
2 servings of fat free Italian dressing
1 serving of Just 2 Good Bleu Cheese dressing
Calories: 265
Fat: 3 grams

Snack (9 p.m.)
Pea Pods, raw
Calories: 40
Fat: 0 grams

Drinks
3 liters of water
20 ounces of Diet Pepsi

Total calories ingested: 1,145
Total fat: 11.5 grams

Exercise: Went to the park and walked for 45 minutes. Had to cut it short because I had a meeting at work. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have wasted an hour playing NCAA 06 before walking. I should get a treadmill so I can do both at the same time.

Wednesday is a day of truth. I know that I was down to 347 Monday. But Wednesday I will be heading back to the gym for the first time since I got that prophetic reading. Since the gym is where the scale is, Wednesday is the first time I will be able to weigh myself again. Now, the question is: what will I weigh? Obviously anything below 347 will be good. However, to support my theory of 100 pounds in 100 days, 345 is what I am hoping for.

But what if I’ve gained weight? I don’t think that’s possible considering that Monday and Tuesday I ate a combined 2,273 calories and 28.5 grams of fat. But I have been on scales before with an expectation of weight loss. It doesn’t always come. It ruins your day every time. Although in certain situations you can get around that. When I tried to lose weight while living with my parents (sad to say, until my 25th birthday), I would get on the bathroom scale first thing every morning. I knew that was the time when you weighed the least. Sometimes I would go so far as to drink water right before bed, get on the scale, go to sleep, get up, take a piss and get on the scale again. It was always at least five pounds lighter. That made me feel good every day.

But unfortunately, I don’t have a scale. I bought one once, but I broke it the first night (true story, but I had my much slimmer stepfather take it back the next day citing shoddy merchandise). Wednesday I will have to get up, eat breakfast, go to work and then get on the scale. That is mentally tough to do. But, it will be at the exact same time as Monday. So 345, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, buddy.

Today went pretty well but there seems to be a weird sort of underlying, undeniable fact with this diet. While I am yet to get a strong craving to cheat, I do have a very small, nagging urge to cheat every second of every day. It doesn’t take much willpower to deny the urge, but it is still there nonetheless. I am toying around with what is definitely a bad idea. I am thinking about setting a weight goal, say 320 pounds, and once I get there I can either have a day or a meal to cheat with whatever I want. I don’t know what the chances of me doing that actually are. It seems like the dumbest thing I could possibly do. But I am sure I could rationalize it by telling myself that I want to see if I can stumble and then get back up. Or that I need to see the physical effects of eating poorly for a day. It would be sort of like the guy at the end of Platoon stabbing himself in the thigh to get out of Vietnam (probably not really, though). But still, there is no way in the world that is a good idea.

I really think about this diet at all times. It has consumed me. I think about what I will look like when I succeed. I worry about how much excess skin there will be (especially when the chin fat is gone). I fantasize about what kind of girls I can get to make out with me when I am not so fat. I dread the possibility of being one of those guys that actually looks better fat. What if I get to the end of this, hit my ultimate target weight (240 pounds) and realize I‘m ugly? In that case, what the hell am I doing this for? If it turns out I am not a good looking guy underneath this fat, I’ll overdose on provolone within a year.

The old myth is that men think about sex every six seconds. Well, I am definitely thinking about this diet at least every six seconds. So thinking about sex and this diet (and sometimes both at once) is taking up at least a third of my day. My only question is: what I am thinking about the other two-thirds of the time?

I can’t remember.