100 Days: Day 5

January 10, 2006

Day 5

Feel the Burn!

So for the first time in at least three years I lifted today. Good Lord I was not ready for that. It started off just fine with a light cardio warm up. Of course, those 10 minutes on the elliptical machine had me seeing stars afterwards. But, I did burn 186 calories, which is equal to one and a half cans of Coke. So that was nice.

I wasn�t too worried about my panting and huffing, though. I know I will have to build my stamina. I moved on from there, ready and willing to conquer the weights, but so not able.

Bench press was first. I did a humorously low weight of 95 pounds, just to make sure my muscles hadn�t died. The first set had me feeling like a champ. The plan was to do three sets of 10, but I felt so good, I did 14 in the first set just to get the feel of the bar back. Second set, I could only do 10. Third set, nine. I pussed out, I know, but I didn�t have a spotter and I think it would have been slightly embarrassing to call someone over to pull the equivalent of an Olsen twin off my chest.

But the bench press was a complete success, otherwise. Then it was on to the incline press. That is where the trouble began. I hate the incline, I always have. The problem is, I didn�t remember how much I hated it until I was under the bar this morning. I had the same 95 pounds on there, since the bench was so easy. First set, I got 10. Then there was a steady decline on the incline. A set of eight followed. That�s when I started breathing heavy. After my third set, which lasted six reps, my arms burned with the sweet crackle of a summer campfire.

I rested for a second, but I was determined to finish. I went on to curls. I wouldn�t say that was a mistake as much as just a bad idea. I got three sets in (10, 10, 9) but seriously, I wasn�t sure my arms could move above my shoulders afterwards. Good news, though, I still had full range. So I went on to shoulders - a vertical press in a seated position where you lift the weight directly above your head. I think I have a mental deficiency or something because I thought I could actually do this at that point. I struggled through three sets. I had to go down in weight on the third because, well, a torn labrum (I don�t really know where that muscle is, but it sounds like it should be in the shoulder) wasn�t going to help my workout plan.

Even with the reduced weight, my thoughts during the third set went something like this: �holy motherfucker, cocksucking douchefuck, good fucking fuck what am I doing?�

After that, I decided it was best to regroup. I went on the track for a short walk, all the while touching my arms to make sure they were still there. Good news - they were, though I couldn�t feel them. At that point, I thought it might be best to skip triceps today and come back with a little piss and vinegar on Wednesday. My most brilliant idea for the day was when I planned to shoot around a basketball after my lift. I think you can figure out that, for me, taking jumpshots and seeing a one-legged Chinese man jumping rope on a trampoline were done in the same quantities today.

But, I started. That�s all that matters. Just as I thought, the scales at the gym couldn�t provide any info on my weight, other than to harshly tell me I am over 350 pounds. However, because I am starting to notice less fat in my stomach, I do think this is all working. It remains to be seen if 100 pounds in 100 days is a realistic expectation. I think I will have a better understanding of that as the first month moves on.

Oh, one more thing. Over the weekend, I put some photos on the site. If you want to see the hottest 365 pound piece of ass alive, check it out.

Posted by Dan Nied at January 10, 2006 12:49 AM

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