Why is it that this second phase of the diet is so much harder to do than the first phase? I don’t know. But I gotta say, it has been really hard to get started. Perhaps it is the change of scenery that has me thrown for a loop. But why can’t I just find the same motivation I had 10 months ago? Where is it?

So today was another bad day. Of course it was. I need to stop this right fucking now. That’s all there is to it. There are no excuses for my eating, no matter how hard I try to justify it at the time. This is the part of losing weight that sucks, the terror of possibly lapsing back into fat world with no safety net. The trap is enticing because the weight, at least for me, does take a long time to come back.

I’m pissed right now and, to tell you the truth, I don’t really feel like writing.

By my count, it has been nearly three months since I last posted something on this blog. I tried posting something in late August, there was some sort of technical problem. That gave me an excuse to be lazy and, well, I ended up putting the blog in the background.

As happens so often with me, I am somewhat content doing nothing until inspiration, with no real rhyme or reason, strikes me. So the blog went untouched, if not unread, for the better part of 75 days. Maybe it was something about election day Tuesday, something turning me on about the citizens of this country claiming back, finally, their government and restoring checks and balances to Washington. I did, in fact, spend about seven hours watching the elections tonight. Maybe it was Annie, a girl I know, absolutely demanding that I start up the blog again tonight. She knows my struggle to maintain. She hears about it often. But inspiration came Tuesday.

So August 17 is the last dated entry, and I am not about to start counting days for you. Let’s just say that half of August and all of September and October have passed since you had any new material.

In that time, I’ll admit, I haven’t eaten like I should. There have been too many Taco Bell trips. My new home state of California has opened my eyes to the wonders of Jack In the Box, and, lately, I’ve had a craving for pizza. Yet, all scales tell me I am still at 275 (including one a few weeks ago that claimed I was a solid 255….riiiight).

Now, that 275 might be from a loss of muscle, since I haven’t been lifting like I used to. But I also suspect that it still takes a lot of calories for me to actually gain weight (remember, the jaunt to 370 took about three years. The run to 275 took six months).

So what am I doing now, with this entry? Starting up again.

Well, here’s the thing: Granted, for most of the last two months I haven’t really been trying to lose weight. I had a tricky battle with stomach pains and I wanted those gone. I wanted to reclaim the freedom to eat whatever I wanted without immediate repercussion. The stomach pains, which were happening about three times a week during September and early October, were really getting to be a pain in the ass. In short, my logic, faulty as it may be, dictated to me that, just as I had to train my body to reject fatty foods, I also had to retrain my body to accept them. I always want to have the occasional (!) burger or slice of pizza. It got to the point where just a little bit of any high fat food would set off the stomach pains.

That lead to a bulimic-like state where every bad choice, no matter how minor it might be, had to be regurgitated to avoid the stomach pains. I will rationalize here by saying that I wasn’t bulimic, because I wasn’t throwing up to keep my weight down. I was doing it preemptively so I wouldn’t be bed-ridden the next day. It had to be done, especially when I kept making poor eating choices. I made my bad choices, and I kept making them. It was not the best thing for me to do. The stomach pains, however, became elongated, lasting up to 12 hours on some occasions. So you can see why the quickness of regurgitation was a pleasant option at the time.

After a while, I realized that was no way to live. So I decided I had to wean myself back onto fatty foods. I ate healthy otherwise, but a few times a week I would tinker with something new, be it a chicken-based Taco Bell order or a bowl of ice cream. I began to accept the stomach pains as they came, facing them head on. I tinkered, figured out what worked best. A few weeks ago, it became clear to me that the stomach pains, and therefore the regurgitation, were in the past. So that’s all good.

So I was free to begin another stage of this quest to lose weight. I am at 95 pounds right now. I want to take it down another 30 or so. I am still trying to figure out the best way to do this without repeating the last two months of misery. I need to keep an element of fatty foods in my diet, perhaps once a week or once every two weeks. The fact that I am still 6-3, 275 and a relatively young 27 years old (I had a birthday in August!) should make it ok to handle the occasional fatty meal and not gain much, if any, weight. Still, I’d like to get back to the old routine. I liked that routine. Can we do 1,500 calories per day? Maybe we can. We’ll see.

I was supposed to begin this last week, and I tried hard to do so. But I kept finding myself back at the fast food restaurants every night after work. I tried to figure out what was wrong. My motivation isn’t where it was in January. I need to find that. The other big void in the quest was the lack of the blog. And, since it has been sitting here for the last three months, untouched, I figured it couldn’t hurt to start it up again.

The main difference, though, is this: Last time, I did this blog for the readers. This time, I am doing it for me. Feel free to follow along, if you’d like. There is always room on my wagon.

Oh, by the way, I have a bedroom now. Not just a studio apartment. So you could say I am living in the lap of luxury. You could say that, but you would be wrong. Also, there is a new photo of me underneath this entry. Check it out.

Ok, so it has been nearly a month since I have last posted and there is one very good reason for that: My internet connection was non existent. For the last three weeks I have been living life with a high speed connection at work, where i didn't have the necessary web address to update the blog (a result of a lack of foresight in not emailing it to myself). At home I have been using my roommate's dialup connection, where I also didn't have the necessary web address to update. But now the high speed is back on, my computer is up and running and this blog can resume.

And resume it will. I am hoping for updates at least three times per week, if not every day. Maybe it will morph into something other than a total weight loss blog, but that is the chance I am willing to take.

As for the weight loss, let's set some goals that aren't really in stone. I would like to get to 240 by Christmas. If I don't get there, then so be it. As long as I take off some significant weight between now and then I will be happy. The idea here is that I want to look better going home in December than I did going home in June.

The plan is to recapture the magic from the first 100 days. So I am gonna go back and look at the food journals and devise the best plan I can. There will be, however, more leeway in the diet, meaning that I can go out and have a few beers now and again or I can go out to dinner. I am preparing for an eventual social life here in California.

Oh yeah, California. I haven't even brought that up yet. In case you weren't following the last few days before the dropoff, I moved to California, more specifically the East Bay, 30 miles north of San Francisco, in July. I am three weeks into my new job and it is going pretty well. It is a much better place that Colorado. Now, if I could only meet some people to go drinking with.

Actually, I do have someone to go drinking with. I have a roommate named Chris who is a pretty cool guy. We both like the ladies, but have trouble getting them to touch us in our special places. It's ok. I feel a breakthrough for both of us. We've been out around here a few times and, sad to say, the town I live in is not happening. However, the reason that is ok is very simple: There are a bunch of cool towns within 20 minutes of here. Napa is just to the north (That's wine country) Berkely is 20 minutes south. Also, San Francisco is about a 40 minute drive. So everything works out. In Colorado, there was nothing to do and the nearest cool place was an hour and a half away. So you can see that this is a better social situation.

I have to admit, the transistional phase has not been good to the diet. However, an odd thing has happened in the last few weeks. When I was packing everything, I tried some of my tighter clothes on and they were still tight. About a week ago, I tried them on again and everything in my wardrobe - and I mean everything - fit perfectly. The tightest thing I had - a long sleeved t shirt that comemorated the 1980 US Olympic hockey team (I got it in 2000 while I was doing my internship with USA Hockey and when, coincidentally, I was also 270) is now almost baggy. I wore it to work one day last week.

So what happened? It seems that I have lost some weight, even though I haven't really been sticking to a regimen. I haven't been eating shit for three weeks, though. I have simply relaxed the diet. But still, every morning I have a bowl of oatmeal and there have been a lot of tuna. Also, exercise isn'texactly happening right now. There is no more free gym membership. That means the next time I work out it will be on my own dime. Right now I am just trying to figure out how many dimes I have to put towards that. I definitely want to start working out again. I think there is a hot body inside me somewhere. Just gotta find it.

So all is well here. I may be going to San Fran on Thursday. If not, I am hitting the grovery store. But I just want y'all to know that I'm back.

In short, I am doing enough to maintain my weight or, at most, lose just a little bit here and there.

For the last month I have gone back and forth between 280 and 276, never really making a huge breakthrough, but always staying under the dubious 280 mark.

But it is safe to say that this diet has lost momentum since I came back from Detroit.

What that means is that it is no longer the most important thing of each day. It has become routine. I know exactly what I am going to get at the grocery store. I know exactly what I can have for lunch and I know exactly what I can cheat with.

Bagels are a very guilty pleasure. At restaurants I almost always order a salad, but don’t hesitate to use all of the dressing. I think I could go on eating along these lines for a good long while, but of course I am thinking there will be at least one more major push towards 240. When that push will come, I don’t know. Hopefully it will be soon, but in a week I will be embarking on one of the biggest unknown adventures of my entire life.

This move is bigger than college, but similar in many ways. First, I will be moving in with people I don’t know, in a setting I am not familiar with. Second, I won’t know anyone at all, save for two friends who each live an hour away in different directions. Third, different things will be expected of me in my studies/job. Fourth, at the end of a period of time (three years in my head) I will know where I stand as a professional.

This is a big stepping stone job for me. It will either kill my career or propel me into the big time of sports journalism. What I have on my side is what I didn’t know during college: hard work will eventually pay off. I didn’t do a journalism-class assignment for my last three years of college. I flunked two easy classes just because I didn’t feel like doing the homework. But now, I understand that if I might have done those things, then the last few years of all around near-depression may not have ever happened.

So all I can do is go out there and work hard and make sure I am one of the best writers they have ever had.

But at the same time, I have to remember to work hard in other aspects of my life. Namely, the weight loss. To be what I want to be, I need to be under 250. That’s all there is. And I need to do it soon. I don’t need to go back to 1200 calories per day, but I have to be much more careful about what I put into my body.

So really, that’s where I am right now. I started packing my stuff today and I have a lot of work to do before I get done.

Now, to make everything clear, the hard part is not the saying goodbye to the countless friends I have made here in Colorado. I don’t have that many. Nor is the hard part trying to do all the stuff I always enjoyed doing in Sterling. Actually, I didn’t enjoy doing anything in Sterling. Nothing here is conducive to anything. You know how most towns have at least one cool thing? Like a town will have an awesome park with a bunch of trails that you can walk around for hours? Or it will have a sweet sports complex with batting cages and stuff? Well that shit doesn’t exist here. Nothing in this town is top notch. Everything is below standard. Everything sucks.

Nope, it will be easy to tear myself away from this town. But that hard part is cleaning up my apartment. See, I am gonna be poor in California. I need every damn cent of that security deposit back. Unfortunately, in the nearly two years that I have lived in this space, this is the first time I ever actually cleaned.

The concept of cleaning is quite foreign to me. It wasn’t until I moved into this apartment that I realized the difference between cleaning and straightening up. I am pretty good at making the place presentable. Of course, I haven’t had company since Feb. 2005, so I predictably fell behind in the straightening up department. But anyway, I used to think that clearing the floor of debris and straightening out the coffee table was sufficient cleaning. Same with doing the dishes and taking out the garbage.

Well, apparently, something called dust collects all over the place. Also, something along the lines of grime just accumulates in nearly-impossible-to-get-off deposits on all kinds of surfaces. Who knew? Not me.

To my credit, I began a few days ago, cleaning the kitchen counters and the stove. So I got a head start. But then I couldn’t carry over the momentum to subsequent days. So that kind of sucked. Thursday night I decided to attack the bathroom with a passion. The bathroom, because I am generally a dirty scrub and because I have neglected it for a long, long time, figured to be the most daunting task of cleaning.

My attempt to clean my crapper was comedy at its finest. First, I decided to use the all purpose cleaner WITH BLEACH. I didn’t really figure that it might almost make me pass out, even with no windows open. So imagine my surprise when my eyes started watering and I got so dizzy I almost fell down. I think it was the fumes. I know this because it was definitely the fumes. What else could it have been? Certainly not the effort, since that was lacking.

I had to scrub every inch of that fucking bathroom. And still, it wasn’t totally clean. Perhaps the most embarrassing part, which I will enthusiastically recount here, was the mopping. See, I don’t really know how to mop and I think that sort of came back to bite me in the ass. I read the Pine Sol directions and everything and I tried my best to figure out how much to use and how to do it. But I think I did it wrong. I ended up with puddles of dirty water all over the floor. Is the mop water supposed to be brown? If so, then I am a natural. But really, somehow I don’t think it is.

So it became apparent to me that I had to sop up this water somehow. I really had nothing to do it with except for me last clean (read: only) bath towel. So I sopped up all this filthy water with the towel. I did one of those things where you throw the towel on the floor, stand on it and dance your way to clean tiles? I was listening to the Arctic Monkeys at the time, so the floor got extra dry. All in all, the bathroom doesn’t look too bad right now. So I guess I did ok. Perhaps a little unconventional.

Anyway, that is my first adventure with cleaning this week. I am sure there is more.

I need a little help here. Since I am about to embark on a three-day road trip halfway across the country, I am looking for music to burn. I want to make about 10 mixed CDs. At least two will be comedy-based. The others will be music-based. So, I need some suggestions that I might not think of. So, if you people have any ideas feel free to post them in a comment below. However, if you want to be super awesome, then you can attach the MP3 file in an email to nieddan@yahoo.com. There is an example of what I am looking for below.

All right, gotta get back to cleaning.

I got to the gym, but for an interview with a new coach. But after the interview I managed to get on the elliptical for a half hour. So that was nice. However, I did not come close to working out, which puts me a day off schedule.

Working out has been very beneficial for me. In the four months since I started, there is a noticeable difference (to me at least) in my muscle tone. My arms are much more muscular than they were before. There are muscled that I didn’t really know existed. By the way, my forearms are fucking sexy right now. All this from lifting for about 25 minutes two to three times per week. Its not that hard, its not that exhausting, it burns calories and it works for you.

See, lifting is good for you.

But, of course, if I don’t keep losing weight then lifting won’t make a damn bit of difference. After the elliptical today, I was down to just under 277 pounds, which marks a new low point, actually. So yeah, that is pretty sweet. Look, it might take a year or two to get down to 240. There’s no doubt about that possibility. But I’ll keep saying it: as long as the numbers keep going down, one tenth of a pound at a time, I’ll be happy as hell. The key right now is to continue going downward. It doesn’t have to be 70 more pounds in 100 days. More likely, it will be 10 pounds in 40 days. That would be a fantastic leap right now.

Why? Because I couldn’t have been expected (by myself or anyone else) to keep up the pace I was going at in the initial 100 days. That time was lightning in a bottle and I really believe it changed my life.

I was watching something on the discovery channel Sunday night about a guy that lost like 700 pounds. It was the most weight any man had ever lost. But a few years after that, he had gained all the weight back and then some. And for all of his accomplishments, he could never really give anything up.

And I don’t want to be like that guy. I just can’t really do it. But some parts of my story line up with his. He said that, after the got under 200 pounds, he went to Coney Island and had four hot dogs with chili fries. Well, I’ve gone on similar binges (probably bigger ones) in the past few months. I manage to control myself the rest of the time, but those binges signal to me the possibility of recessing back to my old ways.

Basically, I don’t want to get down to 240 and then say “Hey, let’s celebrate” and have that celebration last until the weight comes back. I don’t want to be 240 for a day, then go up to 241, 242, 243… That’s kind of what happened when I hit 265 in college. I started going up immediately before I hit 335 not long after.

So I guess all I can really do is remain strong in the cause here. I can’t avoid eating shitty sometimes (nor would I want to) but I have to realize that I am bigger than that fourth slice of pizza.

First, I put together a second solid eating day in a row, taking in about 1,200 calories and working out when I said I was gonna take the day off. I am enjoying this whole habit I have gotten into of working out when I am bored. Before, I would take a nap or plan an elaborate take out dinner. But now, I just go work out. I think its better for me that way. Also, getting two good days in was important, considering the rut I had fallen into of basically eating well only every other day. Momentum is coming back, hopefully.

Second, I lost a little bit of weight. Remember yesterday I said that, at this point, I don’t care how fast or slow weight comes off, I just want to see continuous progress. Well I am about a pound down today (roughly 277.5) and looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.

Third, I think I have found a place to live in California. There was a lot of stress about where I would live and how much money it would cost. But I managed to find a place (I think) that is only $435 per month with manageable electric bills additional. All told, my math says it should add up to just a little bit more than what I am paying now. So maybe I can actually make use of the $6,000 raise I am going to get from this new job. But then, it IS California, so they’ll probably find some crazy way to drain my money. Oh, the best part about this place I found: It is a half mile from work. So that should save heavily on gas.

Yup, things are turning up Dan. So that’s pretty fucking good right now.

After I found out I have the room (which is in a large Victorian house that will be shared by two 30 year olds that I have never met) it hit me that I am heading to California. I was pumped up like a kid who just hit a little league grand slam. To someone who has never been out west before, which is a category I fall into, there is something magical about the idea of living in California, especially within close proximity to San Francisco. And after this utterly cultureless experience of the last two years (This town feels like a seventh-grade math class) I can’t really contain my feelings about how happy I am to be moving to one of the most culturally progressive areas in the country.

Sure, I might be a half hour out of San Francisco, and I don’t really have any first-hand knowledge of the town of Vallejo, but I have seen the worst America has to offer. It is called Sterling, Colo. So no matter what Vallejo can throw at me, I’ll be ready. It can’t be worse than this town.

The one major obstacle left before the move is cleaning my apartment. If any of you would like to help, please do. I have been putting it off for a week now and things aren’t exactly getting any better.

And the other major worry about the move is the diet. I’m sure I can buy healthy things in the grocery stores, but I am also sure that part of me will want to explore the town and the area as much as possible upon arrival. That could mean restaurants and nights at the bar. Of course, maybe I won’t have anyone to do that with. But let’s hold out hope that my roommates are cool. Of course, I’ll have to find a place to work out. But I probably won’t have the money for a membership for a few months. So I guess I may have to start paying a day rate.

The best thing about living in Colorado is that none of that stuff was a concern. Basically, this was the perfect place to lose weight. There are no good restaurants and no good bars. Plus, I got a free gym membership from work. So everything was kind of set up for success.

But now, I think I might be in a situation more apt for failure.

Interesting.

Right now it is very easy for me to use my past success to rationalize taking days off. After all, I’ve come this far, right? So what kind of big deal is it if I go out to lunch or have a few bagels as a snack? Well, its kind of a big deal.

Now, the occasional meal off isn’t such a bad thing. Its when that one meal leads to the fuck up of an entire day. That’s the bad part.

That’s what happened Saturday. I was covering an event and, without asking, the concession people just served me up a dish of cherry cobbler. It was delicious, sure. But I wasn’t really planning on having it. I took it to be polite.

And that would have been ok, in my mind. But that led to a trip to Subway for a Spicy Italian. Then later that night I had another big sandwich and gave myself stomach pains this morning.

I managed to get back on track Sunday, having a pretty decent day. But still, unless I can string together a long streak of healthy days, I won’t ever get down to 240. And I very much want to get down to 240.

The biggest worry for me right now is my mental state. My lifestyle has changed a great deal, but I still screw up more than I would like. Also, with a move looming in the next two weeks, and no real idea of what my health options will be in this new city (where will I work out?), I have no clue what the next few months will bring.

But that’s part of it, right? A lifestyle change means incorporating those habits into any typical situation. That’s what I am gonna have to do. And you know, there is no timetable for me to get down to 240, but the most important part is that I see continuous progress in the effort. For the last three weeks, I have shuttled between 280 and 277. I am losing and gaining the same three pounds. That’s not progress, that’s nothing.

But hey, at least I am not going up.

I just got a little lazy this week and kind of decided not to do any blog entries after Monday. I know, sorry.

Basically my week in a nutshell: I have worked out three times so far, eaten ok not great and am definitely seeing this stage of the diet as the most challenging so far.

I am also in the midst of planning a move to San Francisco, and finding a place has been kind of shitty. I have no idea what to say to prospective landlords. I have no idea how much I should pay. Maybe I will just go live in a youth hostel and try to scam some weed and sex from hippie girls. Not THAT's a plan.

So I will be back Monday with something very very interesting.

Breakfast
1 pork chop
Calories: 100
Fat: 1 gram

Lunch
A pound of ground turkey
Calories: 470
Fat: 4 grams

Dinner
Subway Club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams

Snack
2 servings of baby carrots
Calories: 70
Fat: 0 grams

Total Calories: 1,280
Total Fat: 17 grams

It wasn’t a perfect day, but it wasn’t far off. Go me!

Anyway, there is some big news to report. So for the last five months I have pretty much bitched about my situation in life, much of it having to do with the town I live in.

Well, I will only be living here for about two more weeks. Before the end of July, I will be moving about 30 miles North of San Francisco, to a town called Vallejo. Am I pumped? You better fucking believe it.

In a job search that took all of about two weeks, I got one callback, one interview and the desired result. I think I sent out about six resumes total. Contrast this to the last job search, where I sent out at least 50 portfolios, got three callbacks, went on two interviews and got one job after about a year. I guess experience does pay.

My new job will be as a sports reporter for Vallejo’s fine newspaper. I will be covering mostly high schools, but with some college and pro sports mixed in. So it is definitely a step up for me.

This job also relieves some very heavy burdens from my shoulders. First, I get to leave Sterling (before known as Shit Town). That makes it much easier to deal with the people I hate here. Second, it keeps me in the sports journalism business, which I was seriously considering leaving for more money and less rewards. I didn’t get that much more money, but I do get to keep the rewards.

Third, I get to leave Sterling! Actually third would be that I get to move to a place that is a mere 30 mile drive from one of the most culturally influential cities in the country. I actually get to see buildings that are more than three stories high. I won’t have to drive two hours to go see a movie and I might actually meet people who are between 18 and 40. So even though the money is pretty crappy and I may have to get a second job to maintain the cost of living, I am going to an area where I hope to set up shop for at least the next 10 years. And really, all I ever wanted was a second home. Hopefully now I have it.

As for the diet, it might get a little rocky during the move out there It also might get a little rocky on my Sterling farewell tour, which I picture with a few free dinners and more than a few beers. But I know how to maintain, and I’ll be working out as much as I can before I leave. Actually, I am hoping to drop another 5 to 10 pounds before the move. Of course, once I get out to California I’ll probably have to live on tuna sandwiches (with fat free mayo) for a good amount of time. So that might hasten the weight loss. Oddly enough, one of the most important parts of the move is finding a gym to work out in.

I wouldn’t have said that five months ago.

Take today, for example. The day after going through a somewhat depressing “date”, which included me, the girl and 7-10 other people that I didn’t know but she did, drinking at a bar that I’ve never been to which just happened to be 40 miles away from my home, where I had interesting conversations with everyone BUT her and listened to them talk about work for four hours, I was pretty moody.

I woke up just fine and even shot her off an email thanking her for inviting me to hang out with her. Then at lunch with coworker Jen, I freaking lost my mind. I don’t know if Jen could tell, but I was pretty damn testy. Actually, it was pretty obvious to all while I was spewing slurs and epithets about my neighbors in this town. The backdrop was horrible drivers. But the actual reason I was miffed was because, at 26, I still have to borrow the occasional car payment from my parents and I am actually hoping for a job that would make my financial situation worse. At this point, shouldn’t I be making at least $30,000 per year? And that’s all I’m asking for. I just want to pay the bills and have some left over. That’s it. I don’t want every meal to break me financially and I don’t want to have to drastically alter my normal budget for a weekend trip.

So that made me mad enough. And then, I started thinking about the one thing I actually had before I came out here: Friends. I’d say that I have three actual friends in this town, though I can barely name them off the top of my head. There is one person I like to drink with and two people I like to have lunch with. Everyone else is an awkward conversation that I don’t really need to participate in. Oh but back in Detroit with my high school friends and in Columbus, Ohio with my college friends, the perils of real life vanish among the warmth of friendship every weekend. That doesn’t happen here. Basically, when I am with my friends here, we talk about how much we hate this town.

That’s what the town does to you. It makes you think about what is happening in other places. Today I just got fed up with it, especially knowing that the coming weekend, which used to be one of the funnest of the year, will consist of absolutely nothing besides the occasional workout and perhaps a few movies. My Detroit friends will be heading up north to a cabin in central Michigan. There, the single ones will try to get single girls to touch their private parts. I will most likely be touching my own.

So what did that do to my diet? Well, it put me in an even further rut. Quick note here: Yesterday I went to the gym and weighed in at 277. That is four pounds lost in a not-that-healthy week. So I might still be losing weight, but I can’t really keep eating like I have been. There were many bagels today, and maybe even a can of ravioli. I don’t feel particularly good as I write this and I am telling myself that Friday must be a good day, just like Saturday and Sunday have to be.

I need to stop this recent slide as soon as possible. Yes, these have been interesting times, with an unexpected upward swing in my social life, or at least the amount I have gone out to get drunk. But I am still not at the target weight of 270. It is kind of pathetic that in the last three and a half months I have lost only 23 pounds. I guess it’s better than gaining 23 pounds, but you would figure that after losing 70 in the first 100 days, I would at least be able to bang out 40 in the next 100. But it certainly is no secret that I have relaxed a little bit. But I really want to get back to basics here. I can’t throw out any more numbers because I’m not sure how my body is reacting at this point. But what I do know is that nothing bad can happen on 1,200 calories per day.

Ok, I’m out.

And here’s the kicker: Wednesday, I am supposed to go on something of a blindish date. I say blindish date because I am not really sure exactly what it is. A friend from work set me up with her friend. I’ve talked to this girl on the phone several times, we seem to get along pretty well and we exchanged photos today. So that’s all cool. But she, for some reason, doesn’t want to meet one on one. So tomorrow I get to go out drinking with her and her work friends, none of whom I have ever met. It could be awkward, but I guess I’ll just have to rely on the good old Dan Nied charm to get by.

But anyway, the point is, I’ll have to drink a little bit. Also there is the possibility of food. If I order a salad, then I’ll look like a total pussy. I think the way out of this one is to eat before I go and then go really light when it is time to order. That will save money, too. I am very smart.

So anyway, yeah I kind of have a date tomorrow (I think). So that is pretty sweet.

I’m sure you all are wondering where I was Monday that I couldn’t post anything. (At least I am sure those of you who don’t know me are wondering. Well, at least you are now, since I brought it up.) I took a one-day trip to San Francisco for a job interview. I hadn’t ever been to California before, so I was pretty excited to head out there. I also met up with Jeff, a friend from college who happens to work for a prominent newspaper in the Bay Area. Jeff is much more successful than me, so I made him pay for drinks (Not true. He paid for drinks voluntarily). So, since I am really good at looking for excuses, I will go ahead and say that I was on a mini-vacation Monday night when I has some very rich fettucine alfredo (I have no clue how to spell these words, hopefully I am right) at one of the finer restaurants in San Fran.

It was a good time all around. I’ll hear about the job in the next few weeks and I will keep you all posted.

But now my main concern is getting back into rhythm. I must work out Wednesday, since I haven’t since last Thursday. Also, I must put together some good eating, even if I am going to have a few beers later on. One screw up doesn’t mean the whole day is a wash.

I am starting to get a little bit worried about regressing physically. I came a long way, and now I seem to be on a big plateau. But I have to remind myself that if I keep doing what I was doing, then everything will be fine in the long run.

I woke up this morning with a terrible hangover (which hasn’t gone away) and I can’t for the life of me piece together the happenings of last night. I know where I was, I know what I was thinking about doing, but I can’t really tell you much more than that.

In short, I probably have to be a little more responsible on the rare times I go out.

What’s more, I obviously wasn’t very healthy last night. The mac and cheese was fantastic, and I don’t have a clue why I bought hummus. But none of it was really needed.

So that was a fun night. It is 10 p.m. right now and I am still a little bit hungover. That’s pretty rare and kind of depressing at the same time.

Other than my little bender last night, the weekend was ok. I bought some groceries Saturday and, well, that’s about it. By the way, no entry tomorrow because I have to go out of town for business. I can’t really say much more than that right now. And no, I am not a spy.

So the rush down to 240 is getting off to a bit of a slow start and I am starting to get frustrated. There are few feelings more helpless than being frustrated with yourself. At least if you are frustrated at someone else you can badmouth them and thank God you don’t have whatever characteristic they are using to annoy you. But in this situation, I’m the one letting myself down. That’s pretty shitty. So hopefully when Tuesday comes around I need to force myself to buckle down and eat right. That is of the utmost importance.

Anyway, since I am still hung over and getting ready to go out of town, I am gonna call it a night.

One sign that your lifestyle is changing: When you have done nothing for most of the day, you decide to give yourself a break by going to the gym for the fourth straight day.

That was about the most exciting thing that happened today. I was in a position where I could have easily ordered a pizza, but I decided to ellipticize instead. So way to go Dan! But that doesn’t change the fact that I have been cooped up in this apartment all day, save for the hour I was somewhere else. That’s not too fun.

I will spare you the normal bullshit about being lazy and such. I think it gets kind of old since everyone hates something about their life. And I’m not gonna go off on a tangent about being alone and wondering if I’ll ever find someone to love me.

Basically, today I think we should get back to talking about the diet. I must ask forgiveness if this blog becomes more about life than weight loss. After 168 days, everything has been covered. So I will probably move away from talking about what I ate on a certain day and instead give some views on stuff while tying it all into the ongoing project which, at the current pace, could take at least a year to complete.

So anyway, in the four days I’ve been back in town, I’ve done average, not great. Weight is coming off more slowly than before and, to be honest, I am sort of frustrated. I had a classic fuckup night on Tuesday, eating four lean pockets at 9 p.m. and wondering why I didn’t lose any weight the next day. I guess the only good thing I can say about Tuesday is that 1) I worked out 2) those lean pockets put me at about 2,200 calories for the day. So it could be said that it wasn’t a terrible day since the calories still were under the base. But that would also be total bullshit.

I am trying to get my mindset back to the point where I can easily take in 1,200 calories per day without any problems. I think that is probably going to be pretty easy, as long as I go shopping on a regular basis. Since I haven’t been to Wal-Mart since I got home, I have been living off of tuna and Subway. It’s not the best way to go. I’ll head over to the grocery store tomorrow to buy a few things (money is tight right now) and at least get through the weekend.

I am kind of sick of trying to convince myself that 280 isn’t fat. Look, I carry 280 pounds as well as anyone could, but it is still overweight and hampers my ability to live the life I want to live. So I have to keep reminding myself that 280 is fat. And I’ve been at this point before. I know what it is like to be 280. But what I don’t know is how it feels to be 240 and muscular. I think it might be nice to have that kind of confidence in your body. I don’t know that I can ever be fully confident in my body, but it might be nice to have a body that works for me instead of against me.

So it makes no sense to ease up right now, especially as I’ve found this stage to be the most difficult in the process. I need to get tougher, cut calories back to where they were, and work out on a regular schedule. Maybe that sounds maniacal or obsessive, but believe me, it isn’t. I am trying to avert my laziness by painting this as something I have to do.

One day I will move out of this town and I will probably still have some good years ahead of me. Do I want my body to be an issue to whatever new people I meet? Nope. And if I am successful, that would be the first time ever that my body wasn’t hindering my daily life.