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March 31, 2006
Day 85
Motivate me
What I ate today: Stuff that probably had about 2,300 calories. That included two trips to Subway and one foot long double meat club. But no, there is no food diary today. Sorry.
Exercise: None.
Alright, let me preface this by saying that I am generally in good spirits right now. I think that Wednesday was one of the best days I have had on this diet. I ate five times for just under 1,200 calories and I had a good workout.
However, I will say that my attitude kind of changed today. I know this seems to be kind of cyclical. I am sort of a manic depressive when it comes to this weight loss stuff. Yesterday I was Jack La-fucking-lane. Today I’m Della Reese. That’s how it goes sometimes, I guess. Anyway, right now I am not very enthusiastic about another day on this diet. Despite Wednesday’s heroics, I feel like this has been a sub par week and I am questioning how that could happen when I am so close to the 100 days. At the same time, I am growing more and more despondent with my job (That’s scary because I am not the kind of guy who will bend over and take it. If I go off the deep end, I will stop doing it altogether and sabotage myself. Think I’m lying? Why do you think I spent all of 2003 unemployed?)
So I am wondering if the weight loss and the job go hand in hand. I am also wondering if they are totally unrelated and just happen to be the two biggest things in my life right now.
The thing is, I am happy that I am losing weight. But having lost weight, I am really no happier than I was before. The fantasies I had of this summer are starting to turn into anxieties. What if I can’t lose enough weight by the time I go home? That would be bad. What if I finally start having a good summer, then get another job (a goal by the end of August) and have to start all over in a new location? What happens if I ultimately fail at the weight loss? I don’t know what I would do. This thing has become such a huge goal of mine. It is more than a diet, it is a tangible tool for change. This diet could prove to me what I can do with a little effort. And since I currently have a very bad case of “what-the-fuck-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life” I think I need to prove to myself that drastic measures can indeed be taken.
But these days, the ones with no motivation, are the worst. I didn’t really want to work today and I certainly talked myself out of exercising. About the only thing I can really salvage from today was that I really wanted to get fast food, yet decided to get a double meat Subway club instead, thereby staying within the cheating rules I have set for myself. Right now there are exactly two weeks left in this, and I have probably blown my chance to get to 300 by then. I have a feeling that a double meat club, even if you don’t get cheese and mayo, isn’t conducive to rapid weight loss (interestingly enough, though, when I went from 345 to 300 a few years ago, the double meat club was consumed at least three times a week).
Look, I know there will be days like this. Actually I am really surprised there haven’t been more. I should be astounded by the amount of motivation I have found over these last 85 days. But when you have come as far as I have, and still have so far to go, every day like this makes you wonder when you will want to say enough is enough. It wouldn’t be hard right now to convince myself to be happy with the 56 pounds I’ve lost. And in turn, it wouldn’t be hard to put 30 of those back on. Every craving, every wrinkle in the routine, every lethargic morning scares me into thinking that I can’t find the motivational fuel to finish this.
Posted by Dan Nied at 04:03 AM | Comments (0)
March 30, 2006
Day 84
A blog exclusive
This is exclusive because I am not posting to Blog Critics today. I don't really have anything substantial to say today. I worked a lot today, but found time to work out and do the elliptical for 40 minutes. So I feel really good about that since I slacked the past three days. I calculate that I ate 1,190 calories and probably 20 or so grams of fat.
John asked why I don't want to get below 270. Actually John, I do. But for this initial run of dieting, I want to quickly get down to 270 so I can look as normal as possible. After that, I am hoping to slowly downsize to 240 over the course of a year or so. I do know that 270 isn't really a healthy weight for most people (it might be for me, though). And I'd like to see how far I can go with this.
That's it today. Sorry if I ruined your morning read.
Posted by west at 01:33 AM | Comments (0)
March 29, 2006
Day 83
Dilemma, dilemma
What I ate today
Breakfast (10:30 a.m.)
1 can of pees that I have had for at least a year.
Calories: 210
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (1 p.m.)
4 chicken filets
4 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 360
Fat: 2.5 grams
Snack (5 p.m.)
2 sticks of beef jerky
Calories: 300
Fat: 4 grams
Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
2 Lean Cuisine dinners (mac and cheese and Salisbury steak)
Calories: 570
Fat: 16 grams
Total Calories: 1,440
Total fat: 22.5 grams
Exercise: None. I suck. I have to admit I didn’t work out because I was really fucking lazy today. I suck. I know it. You don’t have to tell me. I just totally suck.
So I experimented a little bit today and welcomed some low-calorie microwave dinners into the mix. There was one problem, though. One wasn’t really enough to fill me up. But on the bright side, two of them have less calories than a foot long sub from Subway, though they also have at least four more grams of fat. And they weren’t as delicious. I think I will mix and match and try to find my favorites. I think they will be especially helpful once I up the calories.
The countdown is on. There are 17 days until the initial 100 days is over. And, while I do know I won’t be at the 100 pounds lost mark, I am still watching the results on that day with great interest. My hope is that April 14 will mark the first day in years that I weigh less than 300 pounds. I can’t honestly remember the last time I was 299. Two years ago I lost 45 pounds in five months, but went from 345 to 300. I got down to 300 a few times, but each time I celebrated and got back up to 305 or something.
So I think that the last time I was under 300 pounds may have come, back when I was in college in 2001. I started at 300, got down to 265, did my internship in Colorado and gained 10 pounds there, then came back to school and slowly put the weight back on.(After I got a girlfriend. Those were good times, but she really fattened me up. In February 2003, when we broke up, I was tipping the scales at 335, a personal record back then. So throughout that 18-month relationship, I gained 60 pounds. That shows what happens when a guy like me stops trying to impress people.)
So I think it has been nearly five years since I was under the grotesque 300 pound mark. It doesn’t seem that long. That amazes me. What a fatass.
Obviously, the 300 pound barrier is huge for me. So huge that I already have a celebration planned. Actually, I am a bit conflicted about this, so let me try to talk myself into it. The plan on April 14 is to take the day off of work and head down to Colorado Springs to visit Kevin, my former roommate and all-around good guy. There will be copious amounts of alcohol consumed for two reasons: 1) I will personally be celebrating the 100 days mark (not the 300 pound mark, because that may not even happen) 2) Kevin and I will be celebrating our friendship because we enjoy each other’s company and we also enjoy the company of bottom-barrel canned beer. So the drinking is really unavoidable.
But, what about the eating? Certainly an occasion like this deserves some type of reward, right? Maybe. I have promised myself one thing at the conclusion of the 100 days: a double meat Taste of Italy from Subway. It needs no explanation. That will definitely be consumed at some point that weekend. However, what about the other times when Kevin and I are going out to eat, or sitting on his apartment floor (he has no furniture. Werido.) at 3 a.m. thinking about pizza? Those will be the tough decisions. Certainly I can indulge, take the weekend off and enjoy the fruits of 100 days of fairly hard work (with some cheating thrown in, admittedly). And since the goal of 270 pounds is clearly marked, I have no doubt that I will return to the diet promptly.
But then, I could forego the shit eating that weekend and bring myself that much closer to the 270 mark. Also by doing that, assuming I was down to 300, I would prove to myself that I have learned from past mistakes and not celebrate hitting 300 by immediately going back over 300.
And if I come up short of the 300 mark on April 14, then how could I honestly convince myself to celebrate a failure? Believe me, I will be quite disappointed if I weigh 302 that day.
So it seems to me that I have an honest-to-God dilemma here.
What ever shall I do?
Posted by Dan Nied at 12:38 AM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2006
Day 82
I get beat by a girl
What I ate today
Breakfast (10 a.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
1 ½ servings of skim milk
Calories: 335
Fat: 3 grams
Lunch (1 p.m.)
4 chicken filets
3 low fat tortillas
1 serving of Just 2 Good bleu cheese dressing
Calories: 330
Fat: 4 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
1 stick of beef jerkey
Calories: 150
Fat: 2 grams
Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams
Total Calories: 1,455
Total fat: 21 grams
Exercise: None. Worked all day. Not great, I know. But sometimes days like this happen. I have to work all day Tuesday, too, but I am going to try to get to the gym in the early afternoon. I’ll need the extra energy.
Pepto Bismol, I hope, will be my best friend in life from here on out. Let’s just hope it doesn’t cause cancer. I have never even tasted the stuff, but from what I can tell, it is what I need to get through the current stomach problems that plague me when I eat shit. My boss thinks I might have an ulcer, but my boss is a lifelong journalist, so we don’t put much stock in his non-journalistic opinions.
I said that I would tell you about basketball Saturday. Here’s what happened: I was working out at the junior college alongside the assistant coach for the womens basketball team here. In walked one of his players, a 5-10 forward from Cameroon that we will call Muna (cause that is one of her four names). Muna and I are kind of friends, at least as much as we can be with the writer-writee relationship. And we played some one-on-one last year and I nearly beat her, even though I wasn’t trying.
Since then I have talked mad shit to Muna about nearly letting a 370 pound man beat her at her own game and I issued an open challenge for her any time. When she showed up Saturday, I started talking mad shit again, only this time around the assistant.
“I would love to watch you play Muna,” he said. “She will kill you.”
“Any time,” I said.
So we decided to play right after I was done working out. I was planning the usual 40 minutes of elliptical bliss, but I figured it would be good to get some other style of cardio in. My first mistake was accepting the challenge at all. My second, and biggest, mistake was working out my arms and shoulders directly before playing. Now, I am no good at basketball. Some would say I suck. I would say I don’t practice very much. But my arms were freaking dead by the time I got on the court. Muna was fresh. I think that is the main reason she beat me 10-2 in our first game and 5-2 in our second game. It couldn’t have been the fact that she’ll be playing at a low level Division I program next year, right?
Actually, things started out really well for me. I blocked Muna’s first shot (how dare she bring that weak shit into my lane!) and then posted her up for an easy layup. Then, suddenly, Muna (who. By the way, has a very interesting story highlighted by the fact that before she came to Colorado, she had only played basketball on dirt courts in Cameroon.) became much faster than me. She was incredibly quick off the dribble and apparently had developed a jumper and, since I had to play soft defense to combat her speed, she just rained it from the outside.
Also, apparently I am not in good basketball shape yet. I’ll admit that I was severely winded during my second possession. I think that if I hadn’t just lost 56 pounds, an ambulance would have had to be called. By the end, when she started missing shots, I was too tired to even put my arms up to rebound. After the score hit 8-1, I was just begging her to end it. But she kept fucking missing shots! Damn! Finally she nailed the coffin shut and I wept in the corner of the gym while catching my breath. About 15 minutes later I challenged her again, this time to five. I was a little more competitive, but still couldn’t compete, really.
After that game we hooked up with two other girls players for some two on two. I faired a bit better (my passing skills are amazing, yo) but we lost 11-10 on a two pointer. That was it for me.
On the other end of the court, some members of the mens team (ranked 15th in the country at the end of the regular season, they are pretty damn good) were playing. They offered me a spot in their game. I politely declined.
The lesson here? Don’t get too cocky too soon. Also, just because you can go on an elliptical machine for 40 minutes straight doesn’t mean you can survive in an actual sport.
Posted by Dan Nied at 02:07 AM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2006
Days 79, 80 and 81
This is not rationalization
What I ate today
Breakfast (9 a.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
1 ½ cups of skim milk
Calories: 335
Fat: 3 grams
Lunch (1 p.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of turkey
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 205
Fat: 2 grams
Dinner (5:30 p.m.)
1 Subway foot long club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams
Snack (10 p.m.)
2 servings of baby carrots
Calories 70
Fat: 0 grams
Total calories: 1,250
Total fat: 17 grams
Exercise: none
I don’t know if I really hate my job, but I feel like it is lightly jabbing me in the stomach at all times. It is a nagging pain that won’t go away, never dominating my worries, but always – always – in the back of my mind.
This happens from time to time. Sometimes I love what I do, I just hate where I do it. Other times, like right now, I get disgusted at myself for choosing this career path. But I don’t think that any other reasonable job would be any better. I simply don’t really like to work that much, at least if it’s not something I can constantly take pride in. And sometimes the shit that I have to do just piles up so high that you have to just get it done, pride politely moved to the side.
So right now, I am scrambling to meet the deadline for our spring sports preview. I somehow got a coworker to help me out writing the articles (in the past, these 16-20 page endeavors were put together entirely by me. No one else. Just me.)
But now I have to pretty much ignore my actual job for the next two days in order to put this thing together. That’s kind of shitty. But, oh well, everyone hates their job. Why should I complain?
Anyway, good day today, I guess. Saturday I did, however, fail in my latest goal. I was hoping to go the last 30 days without cheating. But I got a really overwhelming urge for macaroni and cheese Saturday night. So I went for it. My decision was aided by three things: 1) It had been a full week since my last slip up, which apparently now is a long time for me. 2) The scale was my friend Saturday, reading out at 314, or 56 pounds lighter than when I began and three pounds lighter than my last weigh in. 3) I got in a great workout Saturday afternoon, complete with basketball (an episode which will be recounted Tuesday.)
What is interesting to me is my attitude toward cheating these days. When I began, cheating was met with absolute horror. I was certain I would fail if I slipped up. In fact, in the first 40 days or so, I believe I cheated only once. Since then, more than once.
What I kept thinking about while eating my macaroni and cheese Saturday was that there wasn’t an ounce of guilt in the action. I wanted macaroni and cheese, I ate it. There was never a doubt that it would be a marijuana-like gateway drug for a red-meat induced avalanche.
Now, let me say this one thing for certain people out there: THIS IS NOT RATIONALIZING OR MAKING EXCUSES. OK? YOU GOT THAT? I AM NOT TRYING TO TELL MYSELF IT IS OK TO CHEAT. I AM JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS ON THE SUBJECT.
Now that that is out of the way, let me go on. This process has made me look at food, and my ability to handle it, differently. At least for now (I need to be strong enough to continue this after the weight is gone. That is the next great challenge.) But I feel like I am armed, now, with knowledge about food, my body and how the two will mix. I understand the goal as it has been stated from the start. I have it in clear focus and I am absolutely amazed at how that goal became second nature to me. Much like work, it is always in the back of my mind. I would say that I think about this goal as much as I think about sex (the two, of course, go hand in hand.) In a way, a good way, I have taken the goal for granted. It’s now just a formality, with no doubt in my mind that the progress I am making will soon lead to the promise land.
The main concern for me right now is trying to figure out how to handle my eating and exercise habits once success is achieved. I know that I want to keep working out until I actually look good. I have already decided (and stated here) that I will probably up the daily calorie intake to 2,000-2,500 once I hit 270. But what happens when I hit 260 or 250? Will I then regress into shitty eating habits again? Since I am now armed with the knowledge that I know how to lose weight, so who cares if I gain 20 pounds or so? That, obviously, is what I am trying to avoid.
Another big question I have is what I can do about the severe stomach pains that shitty food causes me now. It happened this morning, at 6 a.m. I was damn near crippled. I tried to get them out naturally, but nothing could be done. I lay on the couch all morning in pain. Forgive my ignorance on the subject, but is that what Pepto Bismol is for? If anyone has answers to this, please let me know. I don’t plan on eating shitty very often, but it would be nice if, when I did, I wasn’t doubled over in stomach pains.
So this gets a little more complicated as we go along. Like President Bush, I went into this war without an exit strategy. I think the clear answer is that there shouldn’t be an exit strategy. Surely I can’t go back to eating like I did before, but I would, however, like to someday eat like a normal person. I’d like to go out to eat from time to time without worrying about getting punched in the gut by a cheeseburger.
I guess I might be getting ahead of myself here. There are still 44 pounds left to burn off before any of this becomes relevant. But that’s what I am thinking about right now, and that is great news because it means that everything with the diet is totally under control.
I am confident. I am fine.
Posted by Dan Nied at 03:18 AM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2006
Day 78
Not much to see here
What I ate today
Breakfast (8 a.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
1 cup of skim milk
Calories: 280
Fat: 3 grams
Lunch (12:30 p.m.)
1 Healthy Choice smoked sausage
2 fat free hot dogs
2 slices of multi grain bread
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 465
Fat: 9.75 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
1 can of vegetable beef soup
Calories: 60
Fat: 1 gram
Dinner (7 p.m.)
1 Subway Chicken breast sandwich
Calories: 700
Fat: 10 grams
Snack (10 p.m.)
1 cup of low fat cottage cheese
Calories: 80
Fat: 1 gram
Total calories: 1,585
Total fat: 23.75 grams
Exercise: A kind of crappy upper body workout. Never got on the elliptical machine because it was full. That should teach me to go work out at 6 p.m. Gotta get back on there Friday afternoon.
Here’s the deal. I am kind of taking tonight off. Well, I did a few things for work, and I really don’t feel like writing anymore. So here’s one quick story for you.
Apparently my problems with Subway are in the past. It seems that I have gone there so much that they actually know me now. If there is a new person working the vegetables, they are told instantly by the manager that they need to put a shitload of pickles and olives. I suspect they have an embarrassing nickname for me. Anyway, the guy I got today was pretty cool, even if he doesn’t seem to be able to go without fucking something up. But at this point, I don’t really care. I kinda fucked with him today and told him to put as many olives on as he could. I swear there was at least 200 olives on the fucker. I didn’t really want that much, but what the hell, right?
So I guess there will be no more stories about how much I hate Subway sometimes. I love it, actually. Probably a little too much.
Some quick hit thoughts:
I am down to 317, lost a pound since Monday. So yeah, that’s cool. That means 17 pounds in 21 days. This could get interesting.
Last night’s South Park was fantastic. I expected a satisfying ending to Chef and I got exactly that. I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone are my heroes.
I can’t stand working out in a really crowded area. There are too many meatheads and old ladies all in the same place, it is almost impossible to get the machines you want when you want them. I gotta stick to my afternoon routine. No more of this going after work bullshit.
I am going to try to get some new photos up as soon as possible. I kind of need a haircut, so I might do that first.
That’s about it. I should be back Saturday morning, so if you want to make a weekend stop to the blog, feel free.
Posted by Dan Nied at 01:10 AM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2006
Day 77
The gritty details
What I ate today
Breakfast (8 a.m.)
3 servings of Special K
3 servings of skim milk
Calories: 570 (yikes)
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (12:15 p.m.)
1 Healthy Choice smoked sausage
2 slices of multi grain bread
1 serving of lowfat cottage cheese
Calories: 450
Fat: 10.75 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
2 servings of oatmeal
Calories: 200
Fat: 2 grams
Snack (6 p.m.)
1 bag of beef jerky
Calories: 280
Fat: 1.75 grams
Dinner (8 p.m.)
2 cod fillets
3 servings of salad mix
5 mushrooms
3 servings of fat free Italian dressing
2 servings of Just 2 Good Bleu Cheese
Calories: 330
Fat: 4.8 grams
Total calories: 1,830
Total fat: 19.3 grams
Exercise: None. Actually, I did the opposite of exercise. I took two fucking naps. First I got up at 8 a.m., ate breakfast and then went back to sleep for an hour. Then when I came home from work, I went to sleep for another hour. I was tired. Though, I know working out would have made me not tired.
Let me tell you what kind of guy I am. First, I am currently downloading internet pornography.
Second, I live in a fucking garbage can. Just in me peripheral vision in this luxurious studio apartment in scenic Shittown, Colorado, I can see: One full garbage bag. A pile of mail strewn about the coffee table next to five empty Subway drink cups. On the back of the couch there are two used paper plates, complete with forks, an empty cottage cheese container, five reporter’s notebooks and my cell phone. On the floor, there is a nice mixture of clothes and empty Subway wrappers, paper towels and a beef jerky bag from earlier tonight. On the desk there is an empty coffee cup, a cereal bowl from this morning, a few more Subway wrappers, a few CD’s, a Steve Marriucci bobblehead (though he was fired in November), a dirty plate. And a fair amount of dust.
The kitchen is full of pizza boxes from way more than 77 days ago, the bathroom has living things growing all around it.
My clothes are pretty much in a pile at the foot of my bed. Old Sports Illustrateds are beside my bed, so I can read at night. There is a bunch of other stuff lying around that I have been too lazy to pick up.
It’s not always like this, well not always like THIS. My apartment is usually pretty messy, but I get around to cleaning the main living quarters every two or three weeks. I can tell you, though, that the box for the farewell pizza I got the day before the 100 days started wasn’t picked up until at least day 45.
I tell you this for two reasons: First, to illustrate the need for some sort of outside influence in my life, be it a woman or a drill instructor. Second, to give you a chance to jump off this ship. If you have become engrossed in this quest and have made it part of your daily routine, you might want to ask yourself if you really want to root for a guy like me. If you have somehow come to believe that I am a very smart and desirable man, then you might want to think twice before making your final decision.
I’m not saying you should stop reading, because I think it’s a pretty fun ride which should only get better once stories of gratuitous sex and super adventure come into play.
But you know, I just want to be honest with you guys. By no means is my weight the only problem in my life. I have bad credit, I don’t shower nearly as much as I should, I let sexual thoughts creep into my head at inappropriate times. I am 26, but very much wish I was back in college even though I went for 5 ½ years. I hate my job. I hate where I live. I hate about 70 percent of the people I see on a regular basis and I hate anyone who is under 30 and makes more than $30,000 a year (Mainly because I am bitter about making $22,000 per year while being very good at what I do.) I went to Cancun for spring break in 2001 and didn’t get laid (traumatizing). I don’t really care about the health benefits of losing weight. Basically I am doing this so I can someday see an attractive woman naked without directly paying for it.
So there it is. I just wanted to let you know that about me.
Of course, you may ask, why the fuck am I telling you all this negative shit about me? Well, here’s the deal. First, I think the more I am willing to share with you, the better this blog works. And second, I want you guys to know how much of a struggle this is every day. I am an incredibly normal man with deeply ingrained bad habits that are amazingly tough to break. I think I am like everyone in that respect. I haven’t been put up to this by the people of Subway, or the Baby Carrot Comission of America. I am just a guy who wants to change. And I am a guy for whom change is one of the hardest things to do.
And I sit here today in my little schizophrenic world saying that I can’t guarantee that this entire endeavor will be successful. But, of course, tomorrow I will have no doubt about victory. And the fact that I can’t make up my mind about whether or not I can actually lose 100 pounds should show you that I am also a bit fearful of success.
So if you want to leave, leave now. But the drama, I think, is just starting.
As for me, I gotta jet. The porn is done downloading.
Posted by Dan Nied at 02:20 AM | Comments (0)
March 22, 2006
Day 76
Live your life by this very simple rule
What I ate today
Breakfast (9:30 a.m.)
2 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 380
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (2 p.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 ounces of turkey
2 ounces of roast beef
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 255
Fat: 5 grams
Dinner (5:30 p.m.)
1 6 inch Subway chicken breast sandwich
Calories: 350
Fat: 8 grams
Snack (8 p.m.)
1 6 inch Subway chicken breast sandwich
Calories: 350
Fat: 8 grams
Total Calories: 1,335
Total fat: 21 grams
Exercise: Full body workout with 40+ minutes on elliptical, burned 800 calories.
Does anyone else think I am relying a little too much on Subway right now?
Yeah, me too.
I actually went there today because I was bored. I had nothing to do, I needed something to do, the only thing I know how to do right now is work out and go to Subway. I had already worked out for the day.
The fairly new guy there, good natured and likeable, but not that smart, mistakenly put a few extra pieces of chicken on my sandwich. It wasn’t quite double meat, but not too far off. They gave it to me like that. I could have spoken up, but what would have been the point?
In order to keep calories in check, I divided the sub up into two meals. Good move, Dan. I’m smart for doing that. I wish I could do that all the time. Check that. I wish I WOULD do that all the time.
Remember, its all about choices.
Just to clarify one thing from yesterday. I didn’t actually buy tampons at the hick grocery store. Nor did I buy nudie magazines or condoms (the ones I have are slowly rotting away, why would I need new ones?) My exact purchase was a laxative, skim milk and a bottle of shampoo. If you want, I’ll scan the receipt and post it. I went for a joke there, you see. It was a Simpsons reference that I can’t exactly remember. But Homer has to buy something embarrassing from the Kwik E Mart and, in order to make it seem nonchalant, he also gets nudie magazines, condoms, tampons and several other embarrassing items. That was the joke I was going for. Yes I know if you have to explain it, it isn’t funny. Just remember, people, this blog is free.
By the way, the South Park Episode where Cartman pretends to be retarded to get into the Special Olympics is on. It is also the one where Jimmy takes steroids. In my mind, this is the best South Park ever, if only because Jimmy, with his stutter, utters the line “You’re not leaving me! I’ll fucking kill you bitch!”, or something to that effect. If you generally think vulgarities are funny, then you have to admit they are 10 times funnier when spoken by a handicapped boy with a stutter. Maybe not, though. Maybe that’s just me.
Alright, enough fucking around for today. It’s time to get serious. For a while now, I’ve been giving you fluff. And, even though this blog is free, you deserve more. So here is my hard-line stance of the week, my outpouring of emotion to loyal readers. Consider this your reward, cause this shit actually takes some thinking.
Ok, ready? Here we go.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the mounds of advice I got when this quest began. Everyone had a secret in how to lose weight. Of course, I maintained all along that losing weight was simple, even if you didn’t work out. All you had to do was burn more calories than you ate.
That was the simple basis for this diet and, obviously, that should be the main objective of any diet.
But still, people had advice and suggestions on what to eat and how, when and why to eat it. Certain supplements were suggested. People told me that I had to start looking at every little bit of nutritional information on packages, trying to balance this with that and everything in between.
Truthfully, I really appreciated every bit of advice I got, if for no other reason than it meant that people wanted to see me succeed. Some of the advice I took, some I just threw to the wayside. All of it, in one way or another, helped to shape this diet and experience into what I believe it is right now: a fruitful quest of self improvement.
But for awhile there it got pretty frustrating. Every time I thought I had a good day at first, someone else would look at what I ate and decide that something was wrong. There were too many carbs, too little carbs, I didn’t eat enough or what I did eat was too processed. I was eating too few calories, I was eating too many calories or not enough fat. I had too much bread, not enough fruits and vegetables. I was eating the wrong kind of lettuce and going to Subway too much (the Jared backlash). My breakfasts were too small and my dinners were too big. I didn’t do enough cardio. I didn’t do cardio at the right times, I was wearing my body out by lifting. I didn’t balance carbs and protein. It goes on and on.
So, if I took every bit of advice I was given, I pretty much could eat nothing but raw grains and water.
That wasn’t enough to deter me, though, because I knew the one commandment to losing weight: Eat less than you burn. And though I found I really wasn’t eating enough times per day and I was probably eating too much bread and I did need to do more cardio, I still had to learn those things on my own (with, of course, the generous help of you people.)
In the entire process, I have routinely looked at only three things on nutritional information boxes: Serving size, calories and fat. That’s it. Nothing else.
The point of this is that, for many fat people, the idea of losing weight is incredibly intimidating. People make dieting so complicated that new dieters can have a hard time figuring out what to eat.
I think that is the one problem with all these fad diets and all the advice that non fatties give to fatties. Do you know how many times I failed on Atkins? Tons. So you know how many pages I read in the South Beach Diet book before I decided it wasn’t for me? Over 100. Do you know how many times I looked into the Zone diet? Two or three.
And even when I figured this diet out, which I tailored to what I liked to eat, I decided early on that one of my main objectives would be to seriously cut carbohydrates. It’s become a dirty word in the Atkins world. But you know what? People started telling me I need carbs in my diet. And you know what? They were right. But still, that made me confused. Sure, after a little research I decided that carbs were, in fact, necessary for this diet. But had I just casually decided to drop a few pounds, I never would have known.
So the only advice I have for fatties trying to not be fatties anymore is this: No matter what you eat, remember that the only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you eat. And if you follow that one very simple rule, you will lose weight. All you have to do is find the best way for you to do that.
It doesn’t take a fucking genius or a paperback bestseller to figure that out.
But, that said, keep the advice coming for me. I kind of like it now.
Posted by west at 01:15 AM | Comments (0)
March 21, 2006
Day 75
25 days left
What I ate today
Breakfast (9 a.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 ounces of turkey
2 ounces of roast beef
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 255
Fat: 3.5 grams
Lunch (12:30 p.m.)
2 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 380
Fat: 0 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
1 Special K snack bar
Calories: 90
Fat: 1.5 grams
Snack (5 p.m.)
1 apple
Calories: 80
Fat: 0 grams
Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
1 Foot long Subway club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams
Total Calories: 1,445
Total Fat: 17 grams
Exercise: Have you ever been in a snowstorm on the first day of spring, and realized that you were really tired and lazy and kind of wanted to go take a nap, so you go home and, instead of taking a nap you look at dirty pictures on the internet and, through IM, plan a road trip to see a concert, but in your mind you know that there is no way this road trip will ever happen? Well if so, did you work out on that day? Me neither.
Alright, 25 days to go. 19 pounds to go to reach the new official goal of 30 pounds in 50 days. 49 pounds to go to reach the old official goal of 100 pounds lost. Think I can do it by May? I don’t. But I do think that the first day of summer, June 21 (or is it the 20th this year?), is a reasonable expectation. I’m not making that the new target date, I just think that I can lose the weight by that point. I guess we’ll see.
CAUTION: I’M ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT POOPING. SKIP THIS IF YOU CAN’T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT EVERYBODY POOPS.
I had a “growing up” moment today. If you remember yesterday’s reference to possible constipation, you won’t be surprised to know that I went to the grocery store and, along with nudie magazines, condoms and tampons, bought a laxative.
That made me feel a little old. I’ve never imagined needing a laxative before and I was a bit astonished that I might need one before my 65th birthday. But there I was, in the hick grocery story, buying Milk of Magnesia (which I never actually knew was a laxative until I went bargain hunting today).
However, I’d like to make this point clear: My laxative cherry still has not been popped. As soon as I got home from laxative shopping, I decided to give it a try the old fashioned way. This time it worked. I was happy. That was that. I wasted five bucks, but it’s nice to know the bottle is around as a security blanket.
ALL RIGHT. I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT POOPING.
I’m pretty sure that the weight loss is going to my head. I find myself giving out nutrition advice to anyone that will listen. Who would actually take nutrition advice from a 320 pound fatass like me? I know I wouldn’t. But I am now scoffing at people who eat fast food (apparently I forget that I have eaten fast food on occasion in the last 75 days) and I go out of my way to tell people that fast food upsets my stomach. Yeah, people, listen to my annoying story! I know what’s best for you! I have become something of a weight loss snob.
And the kicker is: I haven’t even reached my goal yet. Let me lose 100 pounds and then, I think, I will be entitled to talk all the shit I want to the heart attacks waiting to happen. So I guess I’ll try to wait until then.
Yeah, that’s all I got for today.
Posted by Dan Nied at 02:10 AM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2006
Days 72, 73 and 74
A new method to cheating
What I ate today
Breakfast (11 a.m.)
2-3 servings of Special K (spilled ¾ of the first bowl on the carpet. Dumb schmuck)
2-3 servings of skim milk
Calories (3 servings of each to be safe): 600 (probably lower)
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (2:30 p.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 ounces of turkey
2 ounces of roast beef
1 serving of fat free mayo
Calories: 255
Fat: 5 grams
Dinner (6 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway chicken breast sandwich
Calories: 640
Fat: 10 grams
Desert (6:20 p.m.)
2 Special K cereal bars (so fucking good. I probably can never buy them again. I am separating these from dinner to make myself feel better)
Calories: 180
Fat: 3 grams
Snack (9 p.m.)
2 servings of baby carrots
Calories: 70
Fat: 0 grams
Total calories: 1,745 (probably less)
Total Fat: 18 grams
Exercise: 45 minutes on elliptical machine, burned 830 calories.
My old roommate Brendan will probably leave a post telling me I shouldn’t do this, but a fat guy only gets so much satisfaction from dieting. He’s got to find the joy when he can, especially if he polished off 800 calories at dinner.
But if you take the roughly 1,745 calories I ate today and subtract the 830 calories I burned on a fairly intense elliptical workout, you get 915 calories. If I go to my online calorie burning calculator and put in my stats as a “moderately active” 26 year old male standing 6-3 and weighing 319 (my new weight as of today) it says I burn 4,243 calories per day. I am thinking that is just from sitting around, and not with any e, and not with any excise At least that’s what we are going with for now.
So what does that mean? That means that the caloric difference for the day was 3,328 calories. How accurate is that number? How the fuck should I know? What I do know, is that I think this was a pretty good day all around. So there ya go.
Saturday, not so much. Although I stayed within my new rules of cheating.
The new rules, well actually one rule, is this: I will eat no fast food, pizza, fatty things at restaurants and nothing that, in general, I know is stupid (like spaghetti and meatballs or macaroni and cheese). Basically, if I am going to cheat, it’s got to be with food that I would actually eat if I wasn’t cheating.
After the pizza on Thursday, I decided that I at least had to make an effort to keep the occasional slip ups within reason. It’s one thing to screw up by eating too much roast beef in a day. It’s another thing to screw up by eating too many double cheeseburgers in a day.
Saturday I went to evil Wal-Mart for some shopping. A large box caught my eye, it was chicken fajita mix. It had 230 calories and three grams of fat per serving. I thought it was perfect. So I decided that fajitas would be my dinner. All I needed was tortillas (although, I very easily could have skipped the tortillas and just had the chicken, but I’m not that smart.) I looked around for the tortillas that would do the least amount of damage. I found them in some concoction that was 90 calories and one gram of fat for two. I got those. I ate the whole freaking thing. The entire box of chicken with six or seven tortillas. After I was done, I tried out the new Special K snack bars I got. I was hooked. At only 90 calories and 1.5 grams of fat per bar, they might be perfect. However, I liked them so much, I had to have another. And then later on I had another one.
Some unofficial calculations in my head bring the estimated number of calories to just under 3,000 for the day. Was it cheating? Yes. But was it sill under the amount of calories I usually burn in a day? Yes. So do you see how this works? If I cheat, then I have to do it within reason. If I had gotten another pizza Saturday, that would have been, what, 4,000 calories? I don’t even know how many calories are in a large pizza. But I figure that I saved myself at least 1,500 calories by eating what I did. Still, I probably shouldn’t lean too hard on that method of cheating. That could lead to more cheating and that would be bad.
Of course, there was a downside to fajita night. I think I’m constipated. Now, I’ve never been constipated before, so I don’t know what it feels like, but, well, you know.
But it’s all about being sensible. It makes no sense at all to shackle yourself up in a diet. As reader Liz said in a comment earlier, that’s how you fail. If a man wants fajitas, he should have fajitas (though, they weren’t that good). But you always have to be thinking, always have to be on your toes. You have to know your options and know that you don’t have to make the worst choice possible just because you are giving yourself a break.
This is all just a further explanation of my theory about the difference between Cheating and Blowing the Whole Fucking Thing Up. So this is nothing new to me, except that maybe I am learning that I have to actually apply these theories to make them work.
And it did work, sort of. I’m down two pounds since Wednesday. So if you were wondering why I was so excited about losing 50 pounds when I actually lost 49, its time to shut up, because now it’s 51.
And counting.
Posted by Dan Nied at 01:58 AM | Comments (0)
March 17, 2006
Day 71
Mailbag
So how does a guy celebrate losing 50 pounds when he only actually lost 49, but rounded up to make himself feel better?
He gets a pizza…
And then throws up because of it.
That’s my celebration, and I am sticking to it. For your information, the pizza had anchovies and black olives on it. Weird I know. That’s what I like though. Am I proud of the pizza? No. But I’m not sweating it too much.
Anyway, we’re answering comments today. Always fun.
To the subplot idea from yesterday.
From: Brendan
Re: Gay?
I think a great subplot would be you wrestling with your sexuality which we all know you do and has been in question for quite some time now.
I’m not gay. I just like sex with men on occasion. But not really.
From: Liz
Subject: Take my sister
Hey Dan, I have an available cute 22-year old sister for you.
That sounds pretty good. Have her email me. Love might be in the air.
From: John
RE: Subplot idea.
Dan what happened that made you not feel good yesterday? We were all (at least I was) hoping that you would let us into some insight. You had two meetings yesterday and didn't mention anything other then after them you felt sick. Well, that made me wonder what could have been said at those meetings.
Actually, John, the meetings were very good. The parent company sent in a writing coach basically for my benefit (and coworker Jen’s benefit, as well. We both soaked up the entire thing.) I felt bad because of a fight with a friend. I did something stupid that I’m not gonna talk about on here. Sorry. I am usually pretty open, but this one you just gotta let go. If you’d like, you can wonder what sort of dark secrets I am coping with. Actually, John, if you really wanna know, you can call me.
From: G.R.
RE: Hey great job.
Hey, you have a great blog here and are doing an awesome job of tracking your progress and documenting what you eat and what exercise you do. Glad to hear you will continue it past the 100 days. I have been blogging my weight loss since August 2005 and am down about 90 pounds from a high over 430 - so I still have a ways to go.
It is great that you bought something off the rack at Kohl's - I still need 48s so I can't wait for that day myself.
Keep at it and good luck.
Ok, this is good and bad at the same time. First, thanks G.R. for dropping by. I wish you nothing but continued success in your weight loss.
However, his blog started before mine. That makes me mad. I thought this was my original idea. What a sucker I am! I went to G.R.’s blog, and he had links to a bunch of other weight loss blogs. Apparently I am part of a genre. I wanted to be original. Damn. If I would have known, I would have tried something else.
From: Janie
RE: Good job!
Good job! In my opinion, you have no need to rationalize if you are making a choice...if you think it over, know the ramifications and decide you WANT it anyway. LOL if you do that every day and say it's okay, THEN you are rationalizing (or bullshitting yourself!) It's when we stick things in our mouth automatically or without thought of the consequences that we have to be concerned, IMO, not when you make a thoughtful if unwise choice.
Janie is the bomb. She is one of the many people I have come into electronic contact with through this blog. She lost 115 pounds over three years and turned herself into a super hot 40-something woman. (She sent me pics. Trust me, she is hot.) She is a bit of an inspiration, and something of an ass kicker when I screw up.
But she is just one person that has gotten behind me in this. Thanks, everyone, for showing me such support over the first half of this. Really, a lot of the decisions I make (that don’t involve pizza) are done with all the readers in mind. This blog is working perfectly. Since it is way too easy to let myself down, I needed someone else to invest themselves in my journey. So I chose whoever would read my ramblings on a regular basis. Now, I feel like if I don’t complete this, I would be letting the handful of regular readers down. Thanks for that pressure. I mean it.
From: Heather
Re: Get a dog
Keep working hard! I know you sure do love sandwiches and it seems to be all about portions, so stick to Subway if it works. I think you should get a dog, I have to walk my stinking dog (a mini Mia named Peter) four times a day and you wouldn't be alone in Colorado. But, think twice before leaving it in a bathroom when you leave for the night or letting the crate full of poop sit out side. We can all learn a little from Buddy the wonder dog. Stay golden Pony Boy
This one is from my ex girlfriend. I just put it in here to prove to everyone that I do, in fact, have an ex girlfriend. She liked me, though there are a hell of a lot of inside jokes here.
From: Cameron
RE: The best Idea Cameron has ever had
Forgive me for saying so, but you complain about money and your job. You spend a shit load of money at the local subway. You also bitch about having shitty service at the local subway....seeing a solution here? Get a job at the local subway. Jesus, you're there 5 days a week. Why not get paid for it.
Cam, not only have I thought about getting a part time job at Subway, I have also inquired about it, albeit, in jest. Still, it certainly would give me more time with the cute Subway girl who may or may not be 17.
From: Than
RE: You eat like crap!
Try a day without salt, sugars (of any kind i.e. sugar, honey, fruit, lactose, fructose. If it's a "tose" don't consume it.), vinegar, alcohol, preservatives, spices, caffeine, carbonation, processed anything. See what happens. Then try it for a week, Oh and no breads, just grains and/or gruel.
Uh, no.
I don’t think this is a diet that is particularly high in sugar, vinegar or alcohol. I don’t know if this guy is serious. Let’s hope not. But see, at this point, I have done the most important thing: I have found something that works for ME. Aren’t we kind of past the whole “You are eating too much/too little of this or that” part of the diet? Certainly I always value eating suggestions and ideas, but the point is that I have lost 50 pounds to date. And I think I am gonna stick with what got me here instead of making drastic changes.
Although I might start working in gruel.
From: Diana
RE: You da man Dan!
It's encouraging to read your entries, that you are as honest and up front about your stumbling blocks and frustrations as you are. I hope you're seeing what the rest of us see: the window into yourself that you've opened up allows the rest of us to view the process honing both body and mind.
That’s about what I was going for. Someone gets it.
From: Natalie
RE: Bearer of bad news
Dan, this may not be what you want to hear, but it seems to me what you need to do is not just do "a diet", but change the way you eat forever. That is the only way you can both get and keep the weight off.
I agree totally. I think the big unspoken goal is to change my entire lifestyle to the point where I won’t be tempted by fatty foods and eating healthy will become second nature. My friend Jake said early on that he believed that I would never not be tempted by fatty foods, and I agreed. However, now I see my temptations dwindling. The problem I am facing now is that I can still convince myself to eat fatty foods when I know there is an alternative just as satisfying (i.e., the pizza today, which could have been countered with a healthy choice dinner or, yes, an impromptu trip to Subway.) So now that I have found a plan that works for me, the next step is to get my mind and stomach working on the same frequencies at all times.
From: Scott
RE: Vicious cycle
The problem with falling off the wagon is that it's hard to stop that backwards slide. Once you cheat at one meal and not see any negative consequences, it's an automatic rationalization to cheat again. Only, instead of once a week, it'll be once every couple days, then once every day, and then eventually your diet is shot and you're putting on weight again and in six months you look back and think "If I had stayed on the diet I would have lost so much weight by this point." It's a horrible cycle and I've been there myself. I dropped about 20 pounds last fall and then convinced myself, much like you, that I was doing so good on my diet, I could afford to eat some junk food. Eventually my diet was shot, the holidays rolled through and wouldn't you know it, I was back at square one. I've since started again and have dropped about 10 pounds so far, motivated by my coming child to actually get in shape.
I guess what I'm saying is that this is a war worth fighting Dan. Don't give up now. If nothing else, I like reading your day to day progress and I want to see a completed 100 days. But you have to do it for yourself as well. You list the reasons you want to lose the weight often. Keep those in mind. Keep your eyes on the prize and see this thing through man. You won't regret it.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Totally. I think one thing that I have been dodging tonight is the fact that I can see these “breaks” creeping in. I ate healthy for a week after I got back to Wyoming, only to order a pizza tonight. I promised myself I would eat well in Wyoming, only to end up eating butter for three days.
And the biggest problem I see is that my mind, right now, isn’t in the same place it was for the first 40 days. Don’t get me wrong, my mind is in a good place right now, a place where failure isn’t even close. But I don’t seem to have the same drive and determination I did when I was just starting out. On Day 20, when I hit 347, my mind was as strong as ever. It was a huge breakthrough and I wanted nothing more than to keep going. At that point, substantial weight loss still wasn’t a given. Oh, but now, I’ve lost 50 pounds, a new personal record. And I am just taking the next 50 for granted. Remember after the first 50 days when I said I was changing the goal to 30 pounds in 50 days? Well what happened to that? It’s still in my mind, but I am not attacking that mark with the same vigor I had for 100 in 100.
So can I get that drive back or am I leveling off mentally? I mentioned to my friend Bryce the other day that this whole diet was on cruise control and I was really proud of that. Well, maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe it needs to be tweaked a bit, maybe I shouldn’t rely on Subway so much. Maybe I need to make a real effort to go cheat free in the last 30 days. I think that’s the answer here because as we all know, as far as I have come, I still have further to go. And with the first day of Spring coming Monday and my desire to look fucking good by summer, time is a factor.
Posted by Dan Nied at 03:07 AM | Comments (0)
March 16, 2006
Day 70
Halfway there, where's my girl?
What I ate today
Breakfast (9 a.m.)
3 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 500 (ouch)
Fat: 0 grams (yeah!)
Lunch (1 p.m.)
1 Healthy Choice smoked sausage
2 ounces of roast beef
Calories: 380
Fat: 10.75 grams
Snack (4 p.m.)
1 non candy apple
Calories: 80
Fat: 0 grams
Dinner (7:15 p.m.)
1 Foot long Subway club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams
Snack (10 p.m.)
2 servings of baby carrots
Calories: 70
Fat: 0 grams
Total calories: 1,670
Total fat: 22.75 grams
Exercise: 40 minutes on elliptical machine. However, no lifting, which makes me kind of sad.
Picture update: My former roommate Cameron sent over a photo taken a few years ago where I look downright sickly. It’s up on the site now and it is definitely worth checking out because I am thin, tan and unbelievably fucking fuckable.
News: I went to exercise at 6 p.m. tonight. After consuming over 1,000 calories for the day and several ounces of water, I weighed in at 321. That is pretty fucking sweet. Four pounds over the last two days, give or take certain variables. I’m pumped, ready to go. So what did I do after I worked out? I decided to forego my planned chicken topped salad and head to Subway. I am so easily convinced.
Of course that gave me a chance to sort of flirt with the cute new girl at Subway. However, the problem in this town is that, when you see an attractive girl, you have no idea if she is 16 or 24. There’s just no way to tell. But considering that this girl doesn’t have any visible tattoos, has all her teeth and seems to not be crazy, I have to guess she isn’t jaded enough to be over 18. So the olive party I suggested to her would probably have to be chaperoned.
I guess the one thing I regret about this blog, at least for all the readers, is that there isn’t a love interest. Wouldn’t it be great if, while I was losing weight, I was slowly working up the courage to ask some dream girl out? Wouldn’t you be 10 times more excited to read this every day? When I finally asked her out, it would be like Rachel kissing Ross all over again.
Look, people, I am trying hard to find this girl, but she may not exist in this town. We do have a somewhat attractive new girl at work now. She was a prime candidate for awhile, but I found out today she is married. Like I couldn’t see that one from miles away.
Oh well, there is still time, and 50 pounds left to go. So maybe she will pop up. Keep your fingers crossed. It would be really nice to have a subplot for you.
So here I am at the halfway point, officially. In case you missed the memo, the blog will be extended until I lose 100 pounds. So I could, conceivably, be posting until I am 50 years old. And by that time, the desire to lose 100 pounds will probably be long gone, so I’ll be complaining about my state senator and my new insurance plan. Hopefully, though, the 100 pounds will take about 140 days or so (just considering 70 days to lose 50. I know it will probably be longer than that, but my math skills are limited.) So that would take us into mid-June.
But we are halfway there. I am pretty damn proud of that. And the next 50 pounds will be the fun 50. This last 50 was just to get the ball rolling. It took me from really fat to fat. Now I get to go from fat to not so fat to super not so fat to somewhat in shape in the next 50. Eventually, I am hoping to get down to full blown attractive. That’s when the ladies will come. I know it, you know it, the American people know it.
But thanks for sticking with me this far. And if you are just joining the ride, then feel free to hop on and watch me wilt away to nothing.
Posted by west at 01:28 AM | Comments (0)
Thin Dan
My old roommate Cameron sent this over. If you can't figure it out, that's me in the middle there. Old roommate Bryce is the other dude and the chick is Cameron's now wife Angie. I don't know when this was taken, but it had to be at least four years ago. Still, I look like I weight 195 there. In fact, I have to be at least 265. But, to date, this is the best non nude picture ever taken of me.
Posted by west at 12:49 AM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2006
Day 69
I don't feel good.
I hate that I am not devoting as much time to this as I usually do. Tonight I just feel like total shit and I am gonna go to bed. I couldn't even get my normal work done tonight. I am not sure what it is.
Eating-wise, I did pretty well today. I had to go out to lunch for work, and I got a chicken ceasar salad with the dressing on the side. I may have had a little too much of the dressing, so I think that probably gave me too much fat today, but I think I did very well in a restaurant setting.
I didn't work out because the work lunch was unexpected, yet very informative and important. When it was done I had another meeting for work and then came home.
When I got home I didn't do anything. I just kind of sat around, played video games and looked at adult-oriented sites on the world wide internet. I tried to write something for work, got distracted and decided to work in the morning. I feel kinda shitty right now, emotionally, not physically.
I ate well at home today, having an apple at 5 and then some roast beef, turkey and cottage cheese at 8. All in all a pretty good day. Hard to say what the calories were with the salad, but I didn't exceed 1,000 with what I ate at home. So it can't be that bad.
Alright, I am going to bed feeling, for some reason, about as depressed as someone like me can feel.
Posted by Dan Nied at 02:11 AM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2006
Day 68
New problems arise
What I ate today
Breakfast (10:30 a.m.)
1 apple
Calories: 80
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (12 p.m.)
2 ounces of roast beef
2 ounces of turkey
1 can of Hormel chili, turkey, no beans
2 servings of lowfat cottage cheese
Calories: 590
Fat: 12 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
2 ounces of roast beef
Calories: 100
Fat: 2 grams
Dinner (7:30 p.m.)
1 Subway chicken breast sub
Calories: 640
Fat: 10 grams
Total calories: 1,410
Total fat: 24 grams
Starting weight on Jan. 4: approx. 370 pounds
Weight last week: 325 pounds
Weight this week: 325 pounds
Weight lost to date: approx. 45 pounds
Exercise: 40 minutes on elliptical, upper body workout.
There is a new, though fairly minor, problem brewing. It seems that one of my bad habits is creeping into my routine again.
It used to be that I would polish off an inordinate amount of food in one sitting, then forage for more food in a quest for a never-ending gorging.
Well now, I am finishing off sensible portions of food and then foraging for something even more sensible, which ultimately makes the entire meal not sensible at all.
I did it yesterday at dinner, finishing two sandwiches and a can of chili, then heading to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. Today I finished my lunch and then went to the fridge for some cottage cheese.
I don’t see this as a major problem right now, considering that my caloric intake was pretty dead on today, but I think it is something that needs to be stopped. I must control my portions and spread the calories out over the entire day. That is key. Not too long ago there was an entire day that was blown up by the exact same thing. I finished Subway for lunch and then, in an instant, was eating a Healthy Choice smoked sausage. After that 900 calorie lunch I decided to take the rest of the day off (brilliant reasoning).
So obviously we are dealing with a potentially dangerous situation here. Though, I am not too worried about it. It’s all about mind control. I need to think about my portions before I eat them. I must plan out ahead of time when my next meal will be and what I will eat. These are minute, but important, details that will ultimately mean success or failure. I’ve got the big picture down pat, no problem. Now the trick is tailoring this diet in a way that works best for both my urges and my body.
In a way it is kind of like starting all over again. I’ve effectively reduced the number of calories in my diet, which was a gigantic first step. Now I have to make sure I ingest those calories in the most effective way possible. And I am realizing that that might actually be more difficult than the first step.
Today’s weigh in made me very happy. The scale actually read 326, but I drank a liter of water about 15 minutes before. So I gave myself the extra pound and decided that 325 was probably more accurate. That means that I held steady over the last week or two of crappy eating. I was worried that I was around 330, which would have been bad. I dreamt that I was around 320, which would have been very good. But in reality, I stayed the same, which is very much acceptable.
Posted by Dan Nied at 12:53 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2006
Days 66 and 67
Shopping is for winners
What I ate today
Breakfast (12:30 p.m.)
2 slices of multi grain bread
1 can of tuna
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 270
Fat: 2.5
Lunch (4:30 p.m.)
4 ounces of roast beef
4 slices of bread
1 can of Hormel turkey chili, no beans
Calories: 660
Fat: 12 grams
Snack (5:30 p.m.)
2 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 380
Fat: 0 grams
Dinner (7 p.m.)
2 Healthy Choice smoked sausages
2 slices of bread
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 740
Fat: 18.5 grams
Snack (9 p.m.)
2 servings of Special K
2 servings of skim milk
Calories: 380
Fat: 0 grams
Total Calories: 2,430
Total fat: 33 grams
Exercise: Walking around Wal-Mart trying to navigate the toothless, unshaven zombies that were wandering aimlessly until they eventually keel over and die in this town, otherwise known as the edge of the earth.
Lots of calories and fat today. I kind of expected that. I went shopping and spent $67 on groceries, which was also expected but kind of upsetting. I’m poor. I don’t have that kind of money to spend. Oh well, being healthy isn’t cheap.
But the good news is that I went shopping at all. I hadn’t done that in a few weeks. Because of that, since I got home Thursday, I have been to Subway six times. Today was the first time I didn’t go. I think things get totally back to normal Monday when I try to really begin this whole thing all over again. I’ve been eating pretty well the last few days, but not within the rhythm I’d like. Since Thursday I think I have only eaten three times each day and two of those were Subway. Then today I had a little treat with the calories. (By the way, this would have been a perfect day if I was already down to 270. This is actually the kind of eating that I would want to do on a regular basis. Not overly healthy, but certainly not unhealthy. I still burned more calories than I ate and I enjoyed pretty much all of it.)
So now, with food in the fridge and a normal schedule until the foreseeable future, I am poised and ready to go with the stretch run of the 100 days plan.
I have decided that, since 100 pounds in 100 days won’t happen, I will keep doing the blog for the duration of the 100 pounds. Initially, the idea was to cut it off after 100 days, but since a lot of people really seem to be into this quest, I have no problem whoring myself out for another month or so. So look forward to that.
Oh, one semi major development Saturday. I went to the local Kohls (Which is just a short 90 mile-drive from the edge of the earth) and was looking for jeans. I am proud to say that I was able to buy off the rack for the first time since I can remember. And I wasn’t even at Kohl’s Big and Tall store. It was just Kohls. (I went to Kohls because it was close to the phone store, which is the main reason I made the trip. Normally I am an Old Navy guy.) So they had my size – 44x32 – and I shelled out my $20 and went home happy.
I got nothing else today, so I will keep it short. I’ll be back tomorrow. With a weigh in and probably some nugget of brilliance.
Posted by west at 02:01 AM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2006
Days 63, 64 and 65
I'm BAAAAAAACK
What I ate today
Breakfast (9:30 a.m.)
1 can of tuna
2 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of fat free Mayo
Calories: 270
Fat: 3.5 grams
Lunch (2 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway chicken breast sub
Calories: 640
Fat: 10 grams
Dinner (9 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway club
Calories: 640
Fat: 12 grams
Total Calories: 1,550
Total Fat: 25.5 grams
Exercise: 40 minutes on elliptical machine. Full body lifting (not really full body, just arms, legs and back, but to me that is full body. Oh, also worked the stomachs a bit, so I guess that really is full body, but well, I didn’t do lower back or forearms. So not really full body.)
Hey! I’m back from Wyoming!
Did you miss me? I know you did. I am very missable. I did manage one entry on Tuesday night, but that was all. And I got back Thursday night but decided to take that off from writing. I did, however, begin the diet again Thursday.
My friend Guy asked me on Wednesday if he thought I was rationalizing eating like shit in Wyoming by saying that I believed I could easily go back to the diet when I got home. That was a legitimate question, since usually I would be rationalizing. I had to think about it.
I suppose in a way I was rationalizing the shit eating this week. For the sake of self respect, I needed to convince myself it was ok, right? So yes I guess I was rationalizing a bit.
But at the same time, I truly believed that I could easily go back to eating right. During the trip, I found myself wishing I was back home on the diet. Not because I wasn’t having a good time, but because I knew that if I was home I wouldn’t be in a situation where many of the day’s events revolved around eating.
There were lunches with the coaches (In case you don’t know, I was in Wyoming covering a basketball tournament) and postgame meals with the entire team and free food at the arena (which came in handy for a poor motherfucker like me). And it wasn’t difficult to convince myself to break off the diet.
But that doesn’t mean I wanted to. I would look at myself in the mirror every day and see a guy who is smaller than he was two months ago, but still not anywhere near not fat. I would grab on to my stomach and feel the handfuls of fat that still overlapped my belt. And then I would pinch the loose skin where fat used to be. And you know what? There was a lot more fat than loose skin. (Although I am guessing that the skin tightens up since there seems to be less of it than there was even a month ago when I was 15 pounds heavier.) And I wasn’t happy with the way I looked. I wasn’t happy with my wardrobe and how other people saw me.
Of course I was proud of the journey, though. But I am constantly realizing that I have so much further to go. And I guess what I mean when I said I wasn’t worried about eating poorly for a few days was that I know how far I still have to go. I know exactly what I want to look like and I have a solid grasp on what it will take for me to get there.
I think that if I keep those thoughts in the front of my mind, then I will not fail. I really feel that I have changed my life in the last 65 days and that the future is brighter now than it has been since college.
Maybe I was rationalizing, but I was using solid collateral to back it up. I was taking the 45 pounds I have lost to date and giving some back with the knowledge that they would come back to me. And if that doesn’t make sense, then remember that it is 11:30 p.m. and I am tired.
A few highlights from the trip that are worth mentioning.
First, back at the hotel after the championship game, the head coach used a phone call I had to leave the room during an interview. While he was gone, he somehow figured out that there were two girls giving it up to his players in their room. So he got the key to their room, went in and threw the girls out and ripped into his players for letting them in. As a horny male, I think it was a bad move by the coach because that is just outright cock blocking. But as someone who respects authority and, more importantly, that the coach is a man of integrity who tries to teach his players about life, instead of just basketball, I think it was a great move. I like the fact that this coach cares about his players as people and not just as basketball cattle.
Also, the second day I was there, the team I covered was getting ready to play a 1 p.m. game in an empty gym. Right before tip, I was doing a quick radio pregame spot. In mid-sentence the play by play guy nudges me and points to an old guy walking slowly up the stands. I thought he was making fun of the guy and I thought that was kind of mean. But I looked a little closer, it was Bobby Knight. He was there to recruit one of the players from the team I cover. I was a little star struck. This guy is a college basketball icon. He has a show on ESPN (Which oddly I was watching the night before with the coaches). I didn’t complete another sentence during the radio interview.
There is a place around Wyoming and Colorado called Sanfords. Sanfords has the best shrimp pasta I have ever had. I loved it and I MADE love to it.
I learned something about my new body. It really doesn’t like grease, red meat or delicious things that aren’t Subway. It tells me this by forming a pain ball in my upper abdomen (much like the one that formed after the Wendy’s episode a few weeks ago.) and won’t relent until it is forced out through the top or bottom. This led to a very unexpected and ugly episode at the arena Sunday night. Let’s just say that the pavement next to my parking spot that night has now been christened in a very bad way. Stupid chicken and noodles. But hey, I learned my lesson after the third time it happened this week. I guess we all learn from repetition.
The team I covered lost the championship game in double overtime. That is bad news because they probably deserved to win. But that is good news because I don’t have to go to Kansas at the end of the month for the national tournament. That means that it is business as usual from here on out. No more buffets, no more long road trips and no more grease.
And you know what? I was right. I got back on the diet like a fucking champ. Thursday I was back on the 1,500 calories or less bandwagon. I started the day with a bowl of Special K from the hotel’s breakfast buffet (2% milk though, all they had) and then checked out. On the six-hour drive home I enjoyed some beef jerky, then stopped off in Casper, Wyoming for Subway (Club, no cheese) and then caught up with the team in Cheyenne to eat with them at Taco John’s (Where I got just a Diet Pepsi). I came home, realized my fridge was empty (I cleaned it out before I left so nothing would stink up the house while I was gone) and went to Subway for dinner. Today I only ate three times and went to Subway twice because I had no time to go shopping. But I feel good. I am officially back, baby. There are 35 days left until the 100 days is over. I want to lose 25 more pounds. It all starts right now.
Posted by west at 01:50 AM | Comments (0)
March 08, 2006
Days 60, 61 and 62
Two days in Wyoming
Alright, definitely no food journal today. It would be nearly impossible to figure out everything I ate. I finally figured out how to update this blog from my hotel room here in Wyoming. I haven't totally figured out the keyboard for this laptop, which isn't mine, and I am way too tired to proofread as well as I should, so bear with me.
How is this whole diet thing going here in Wyoming? If you don't want me to be honest, it is going well. If you do, however, wish to hear an honest answer, then it is going well only because I haven't totally given up on the diet.
When I say I haven't given up on the diet, I mean that I won't be giving up once I get back to Colorado. As for the first two days I've been here, it hasn't exactly been Healthfest USA. I haven't worked out and I haven't eaten very well at all.
There are reasons, too. Although none of the reasons really serve as good excuses. My reason for not working out is simple. Time. Most of the time I am following around the basketball team. Today I went to breakfast, then went to the shootaround, then had to line up a freelance photographer, then laid down for a few minutes (because I was up writing articles until 3 a.m. the night before) and then I had to go to tonight's game. After that I came home and wrote, watched film with the coaches and now, at 2 a.m. am settling down to do this entry. So that is why I didn't work out. However, I am going to walk tomorrow, even if it is just up and down the street looking for a CD to buy for the ride home Thursday.
As for the eating, it is pretty simple: I haven't tried that hard to eat well. There have been a few times where I was put in a bad situation, but I guess the only frustrating thing is that, with a little effort, I could be doing really well on this trip. There are two Subways in this town and the buffet at the games was, get this, stocked with six inch Subway sandwiches yesterday. That was nice. I haven't gone completely crazy, though. I woke up today and had two bowls of Special K from the breakfast buffet. And I easily resisted the main courses on the game buffet the last two days: First smoked sausages and hot dogs and then barbecue beef. But there were other things that got me. I gave in to a sweet tooth today and had some rice crispies treats and I went to Subway yesterday and got a spicy itallian, my real favorite sandwich there.
I went to lunch with the coaches today and that ended with a lot of calories and fat. I tried a little bit. I got fajitas. But then someone ordered nachos for the table and the coaches swore that the bread was big time. So I has some bread and it turned out it was deep fried and garnished with some very sugary substances. It was amazing.
I have been thinking a lot about the diet here. I am at a point right now where there is a noticeable difference in the way I look. However, I don't look the way I want to. And I have been wondering why I don't feel all that guilty about essentially taking the last two days off.
Obviously I'm not improving the process by taking these days off, so why am I not worried? It hit me today as I was driving back to the arena. What I have done in the last 60 days is create new habits. I am 100 percent sure that once I return, I will go right back to the lifestyle I have been living for the last two months. Before, once I temporarily went off a diet I was never coming back. That dieting episode was dead. But now I feel like I am a healthy person simply enjoying certain foods when I have the chance. There is no question in my mind that I will get down to 270 in the near future. And I know that I will resume the workout routine Friday.
And what made the previous screw ups so frustrating was that A) I was yet to prove to myself that I could really turn my habits around and B) the 100 days theory gave me absolutely no room for error. Now I know that I have turned things around and my goals are very clear right now. I am focused on this weight loss, even as I eat deep fried bread. I know an isolated incident when I see it. This was one. My mind is clear on this subject, my heart is aimed directly at the goal.
Of course, that doesn't mean it is ok for me to just go off the diet until I get home. I think it would be a very good goal for me to eat healthy on Wednesday and Thursday. I have to admit that I was kind of sluggish after lunch today and I don't really like feeling that way. Of course, that is the exact way I felt every day of 2005. I guess sometimes it might be good to remember how shitty food makes you feel.
I am very confident right now, so I hope you guys aren't too disapointed in my eating over the last two days. I will try to do an entry for Thursday, but I can't guarentee anything right now.
Posted by Dan Nied at 03:44 AM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2006
Days 58 and 59
Heading to Wyoming
No food diary today, but it was a pretty good day for me. I got up at 9 a.m. and went to the gym. I lost my cell phone there last night (the gym is also the basketball arena. It’s kind of cool. The elliptical machines overlook the main court.)
I still can’t find my phone and I have to drive to Wyoming tomorrow. I am a retard.
I fucked up last night, which makes this last week the worst on record. Just too many moments where I didn’t think. But there is good news at the end of this tunnel. I weighed in today and was down to 325. That is 1.5 pounds lighter than Monday. So way to go me.
Now all I have to do is get back on track full time and keep working out and I think I can really make a noticeable dent over the next few weeks.
Of course, there is an obstacle in there. Tomorrow I drive seven hours to Wyoming for a four day work trip. I am excited about going, and I am determined to keep the damage to a minimum. Still, right now it wouldn’t surprise me if I ended up screwing the whole thing up. But I have a good mindset here. Don’t be surprised if there is a day when everything totally goes to shit. I won’t be. But if I can just stay healthy for this week, I will be incredibly proud of myself.
Unfortunately, I still am unsure about my internet hookups in Wyoming. So there is a chance that there won’t be another update until Friday morning. I know, that sucks. But hopefully I can sneak one or two more entries in during my time there.
But I have to get back to packing. Hopefully you guys will hear from me soon.
Posted by Dan Nied at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2006
Day 57
stepping into fire
Alright, bad news people, no food journal today. I’m tired and I have to get up early. That is as good an excuse as you are going to get. Here is a quick rundown, though, without any of that scientific “math”:
A cup of Special K (no milk, I ran out) can of tuna, two slices of bread, several mini sandwiches and some grapes, subway chicken breast club.
Quick addition in my head says about 2,000 calories today. I have no clue on fat. Probably 25-30 grams, maybe more. I dunno.
The mini sandwiches came from the buffet, which is back for Thursday and Friday. They were roast beef, but the bread was certainly not multi grain or whole wheat. Was it a fuck up? Minor I guess. This buffet thing sucks. I didn’t realize until afterwards that I had the option of just eating the meat. I guess that might have been a little smarter. I suppose I wasn’t thinking there.
I expect to be able to stay clean Friday, and I will enact the jerky rule if I have to. But the big obstacle comes next week when I go to Wyoming for four days. There is a bar in our hotel. (yet, somehow I don’t know if there is a gym. Hmm. There will be food available for free (Actually, all my meals will be free since work is picking up the tab.) I need to find the Subway very quickly and order in bulk. I am going shopping Saturday to look for healthy things that won’t go bad. And maybe this is bad thinking, but if I get through this having cheated only one time, I’ll be happy. That doesn’t mean I am looking to cheat, but at this point I would be surprised if I don’t. With all these tournaments and buffets going on right now, I feel like a guy running from gunfire. I’m trying to bob and weave but I’m not Jack Bauer. I am susceptible to taking a shot in the leg and then limping the rest of the way. But I know that if I go down, I’ll get shot again and again and again and then, boom, I’m dead. So I gotta keep going. I will be very happy when basketball season ends and I stop getting offered free food.
As for exercise today, I went on the elliptical for 35 mintues, and put it on the “I hate myself” setting. Or, as its called on the machine: Hills Plus. My ass was kicked within the first 10 minutes. I had eaten about an hour before that and I felt it. Somehow I couldn’t really breathe. That wasn’t fun. But I managed to persevere and make it through.
That’s it for today. Sorry about the lack of a journal.
Posted by west at 01:27 AM | Comments (0)
March 02, 2006
Days 55 and 56
How do I explain this one?
What I ate today
Breakfast (10:45 a.m.)
½ cup of Special K cereal
Calories: 55
Fat: 0 grams
Lunch (12 p.m.)
1 Healthy Choice smoked sausage
2 slices of multi grain bread
Calories: 370
Fat: 9.75 grams
Snack (3 p.m.)
1 bag of beef jerky
Calories: 280
Fat: 2 grams
Dinner (6:30 p.m.)
1 foot long Subway chicken breast sandwich (with a little of the new red sauce whose name is escaping me right now. It turns out that stuff is just some mildly modified Frank’s Red Hot sauce and has five calories and no fat per serving. I asked to see the label, then I asked the dude to put just a bit on. Also, new girl at Subway today and to my total surprise this one is A) cute and B) not functionally retarded. She was nice. I hope she sticks.)
Calories: 640
Fat: 10 grams
Drinks
2+ liters of water
1 extra large diet coke
(I haven’t been putting drinks on lately because, for the most part, it is the same thing each day. Water and diet pop. Easily much more water. But I can’t shake diet pop. I can’t. It’s so gooood. Sorry if that makes you mad. If it does, then you should go into anger counseling.)
Total Calories: 1,345
Total fat: 21.75 grams
Exercise: Not much. I went to the gym to work out, but got sidetracked talking with two of the junior college basketball players I cover. One is a 7-footer from New Zealand who was shooting, so I rebounded for him and told him he was a pussy. (I always tell him that.) I also played a round of H-O-R-S-E with him. He can hit the three. Who knew? I got shut out. The lesson here is this: If you ever get a chance to play H-O-R-S-E with a 7-footer who can hit the three, go ahead and do it. Just don’t expect to win. Especially if you‘re like me and suck at basketball.
I apologize for not posting yesterday. I had quite a bad day on the eating side Tuesday and wasn’t sure what I could write about it. The plan was to think it over and then come up with something profound an in depth today to explain myself. I couldn’t really do that, though. So here is the best I came up with:
What I ate Tuesday went like this: Special K, Subway followed immediately by a HC smoked sausage, bagel with jalapeno cheddar cream cheese, washed down with an iced mocha (what the fuck was I thinking there?) followed by another trip to Subway.
See, I had a bad day without straying too far from the diet. And I saw it go wrong as it happened. After the first trip to Subway, I immediately decided I was in the mood for a smoked sausage. What the hell was that? So as I was swallowing the last of the Subway, I was pulling a smoked sausage out of the freezer. That was a 900 calorie lunch right there. And that started everything. Immediately after that I decided I would have a bagel later on. Then immediately after the bagel, I decided to have Subway again for Dinner. And when I got to Subway for the second time, I decided I should get cheese. Wow! Amazing.
Why did I do this? I know exactly why and it is something I have been saying all along. I am still able to convince myself that I deserve a day off, even if I have just taken a day off. For that reason, it is hard to put together a string of healthy days. It shouldn’t be. It should be as easy as reminding myself that the 100 days plan, and now the 50 days plan, didn’t come with planned breaks. I mean, it was one thing if I suffered a setback that I somehow felt I couldn’t control. It is completely different if I decide I am doing well enough to take a step back when I can easily reward myself by moving forward. Live and learn, I guess. But why the fuck can’t I learn? Still, though, I am not TOO worried about it. But I think this line of thinking needs to be changed.
As for today, I feel good about what I ate. Calories were in line and, while the beef jerky is creeping into this diet more and more, I am yet to buy it to replace another meal. Every time I have indulged was because I knew food wasn’t going to be available over the course of the proceeding few hours. Today the reason was four hours of baseball. So I went for it. I imagine that will probably keep happening, but I can’t see many reasons why it shouldn’t.
One bad thing: I forgot to eat my early-evening baby carrot snack. Damn me!
Posted by Dan Nied at 01:04 AM | Comments (0)