100 Days

What I ate today

Breakfast (11:30 a.m. Hey! Don’t call me lazy. It’s Sunday.)
2 ounces turkey breast
1 can Tuna
4 slices of multi grain bread
2 servings of fat free mayo
Calories: 460
Fat: 4.5 grams

Snack (1:30 p.m.)
2 large dill pickles
Calories: 0
Fat: 0 grams

Snack (2:30 p.m.)
1 ounce roast beef
Calories: 50
Fat: 1 gram

Snack: (4:30 p.m.)
1 ounce roast beef (it was so damn good, I had to have more)
Calories: 50
Fat: 1 gram

Dinner: (5 p.m.)
1 half of a Healthy Choice smoked sausage package (Not really sure how to say that. I guess it was one smoked sausage since two comes in the package?)
2 Mushrooms
1 can of spinach
Calories: 405
Fat: 8.75 gramsv

Snack (10:30 p.m.)
18 baby carrots
Calories: 70
Fat: 0 grams

Total Calories: 1,085
Total Fat: 16.25 grams

Exercise: Went to the park and walked for about 30 minutes before my snot froze from the wind. Sounds fun doesn’t it? It’s not.

Holy crap I am sick of writing. Here is the shitty thing about my job (In case you didn’t know, I am a sportswriter. If I want credibility with someone I don’t know, though, I say I am a journalist) and doing this blog. Sometimes I have to write for four hours straight. I just wrote 3,500 words for work tonight, and now I have to give you people your fill.

That is actually the reason there wasn’t a Saturday post. When I came home Friday night I was just sick of writing. Though, honestly this blog isn’t hard to do. It takes about 25 minutes to crap out 1,000 words. If it wasn’t for the food journal, It would take me 15. But still, after doing four structured and factually correct stories, the thought of having to type out more words isn’t exciting.

No, I am not bitching about these entries. I should be smart enough to get some work done earlier so writing won’t seem like such a pain in the ass.

Anyway, since I haven’t written anything in three days there are a few things to cover. First, Friday’s workout was fantastic. I went on the elliptical machine for 40 minutes total (15 warm up, 10 in the middle of working out and 15 warm down). Although, I regret to say that the chart I gave you Friday, which showed me burning 170 calories per 10 minutes on the elliptical, has since been scientifically proven incorrect. On the 10-minute elliptical session I burned roughly the same amount of calories I did on the first 15-minute session. That was a little odd. But I finished strong and burned a total of 467 calories just on the elliptical machine. So yeah, I am sweet. I am going to do the same thing Monday.

I would tell you what I had to eat Friday and Saturday, but I honestly don’t remember. I do remember, though, being proud of myself Friday. I walked into work at 6 p.m. and saw that my boss had ordered pizza for us. Now, I had eaten dinner about two hours before and was kind of hungry. I noticed that it was a thin crust pizza from Dominoes (one of two places you can get pizza here – the other being Pizza Hut – Is there any bigger crime against humanity than having only those two pizza places within driving distance? Isn’t that like having to choose which turd to lick?). Anyway, it was a thin crust from Dominoes, so it was broken up into like 100 tiny ass slices. I knew I wasn’t going to get to eat again until at least five hours later, so I picked the three smallest pieces I could find, picking the vegetable-filled side over the sausage and pepperoni side, and had those. It couldn’t have been more than 200 calories total. I got the pizza taste and was satisfied.

So that was Friday.

Saturday nothing really special happened. I think I had a chicken-topped salad for lunch. That’s about it.

As for today, I am happy. While my calorie count was a little bit low, I did manage to eat six times. That, of course, goes along with every bit of reader advice I’ve gotten. You people have broken me. Smaller portions, more meals. Ok? You happy? Hopefully in the future it will result in about 1,400 calories.

Even though I went shopping Thursday, I checked the fridge today and realized I have no protein in the house other than chicken and tuna. That made me kind of sad. So I went to evil Wal-Mart and bought the healthy choice smoked sausage (which could become a staple on this diet) and some turkey and roast beef from the deli counter.

Now, when I asked the near-toothless deli counter lady to slice the meet into one ounce portions, she looked at me like I had just asked her the name of James K. Polk’s bastard love child. So she cut one slice and showed it to me. It was about as thick as my wrist.

“Is that about right?” She asked.

“Uh, about half that.” I said.

Certainly I wasn’t surprised that she couldn’t tell the difference between a one-ounce slice of turkey and a two-ounce slice of turkey, even though she was using, you know, a fucking SCALE. I have become desensitized to that kind of back-woods stupidity in this town. But what she said next blew me away.

She mumbled something about not being able to weigh a slice or something. I can’t quote it, but I know she definitely referenced the fact that she didn’t have the equipment to measure out an ounce.

Well, I thought, then how are you taking orders by the pound?! I mean, even if the scale only reads in pounds and fractions of pounds, shouldn’t there be some sort of conversion chart around? All I know is that the last time I went in there the guy behind the counter started talking about how people order cheese sliced “exactly one ounce thick”. That is a quote. That is what he said. Now, mind you, that guy gave me seven slices of turkey in the pound I ordered, so I don’t think he quite had the measures down pat, either. But still, there is precedent for that order.

Anyway, the moral here is that people are stupid. Of course, we are all stupid in some way so it may be unfair to judge. But still, I judge, because dammit, I hate when people’s stupidity affects my day.

By the way, Monday is a weigh in day. Keep your fingers crossed for 280. More likely, I will be hoping for anything under 346.

There, 998 words in a little over a half hour.

Now 1,000.